Baby (13months) not settling at childcare… don’t know what to do!

Incognito in case someone at my work spies this!! 👀

I have recently gone back to work part-time and my little girl (13 months) now goes to a childminder. Prior to this she had not been in childcare before or had a babysitter before. She was (and is) fine being left with her daddy or with my mum etc but only very close family that she sees at least weekly. So a childminder is quite a transition. She had a couple of settling in days and sessions with me there too but even the settling in sessions she would get distressed when I left.

To cut a long story short, it is the end of week 3 and she hasn’t settled at all. I am working three days a week but to try and get her to settle and get used to a routine, she is in childcare for mornings on the days I am not working too (hoped this would be short-term but possibly not!). She sobs when I drop her off and I’m told she whimpers or cries 90% of the time she is there. She will sit on the childminder’s lap but will get hysterically upset as soon as she puts her down. She won’t sleep. She refuses food and drink so even on the days I’m working, I have to collect her early as it’s too hot for her to go without water for longer than a morning. I’m so worried about her and on top of that, I’ve got to work with a very stressed and clingy baby in the background/ on my lap each afternoon. Fortunately I’m able to work from home most of the time but I am on a lot of calls/ meetings and realistically I don’t know how much longer I can continue to do this without my work realising what is going on. At the moment it feels like I’m not being a good enough mummy or a good enough employee. I suck at both and I’m just constantly making excuses at both because I can’t be everywhere/ do everything at once.

I just don’t know how it’ll be sustainable long term. The childminder has said she can’t see her doing full days for at least a few weeks, maybe even longer and there are 4 other children at the childcare and a couple of them are starting to get quite distressed by my baby screaming/ crying so much so I think potentially we may be asked to pull her out. I’m also quite stressed about her welfare if she isn’t eating or drinking and is so upset all the time.

I’m considering sticking at it and hoping she settles. Or looking at a nanny option but then I think maybe I should just stay at home with her myself. We are fortunate enough that I could do that if we just did some more budgeting, cut back on a few things. But I’m so scared I won’t be able to get work if I take another year or so out after having my baby.

Has anyone else gone through anything similar? Any success stories of a baby that didn’t settle at all and suddenly loved childcare? Anyone had to give up work for a similar reason? X

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You are definitely not making excuses I can see how that would be tiring for anyone. And you are not a bad mom or a bad employee just the fact that your talking about it and thinking that means you are a great mommy and employee. I read a quote the other day and it said “parenting is only hard for good parents” keep your head up momma I know it can be hard sometimes but these times definitely won’t last ❤️

I work in a nursery and unfortunately some babies take a while to settle but they always do. Is it possible for dad or someone else drop her off? It could ease her in more.
Hopefully it won't be much longer, I know it must be so stressful and hard but you've got this.

Thank you both ❤️ just feels a bit like a mountain to climb at the moment! I will ask my partner if he can drop her off and see if that helps, thank you for the advice! When you say it takes some babies a while to settle… is it like a month or maybe longer? Just trying to get my head around how long we keep going. At the moment it just feels like she won’t ever settle but I’m hoping that’s not the case

It can take up to 6 weeks for some but most often it's around a month

She's used to you being there or dad. It's sn adjustment but definitely possible. Is there a chance you and dad can take turns for drop off and pick up?

My little boy took several months to settle into nursery - I did have to pick him up early for the first few days/weeks and I was told that he was quite grumbly etc while he was there. But he did eventually settle and he now loves it! (Still cries at drop off but then doesn’t want to leave when I pick him up!) I’m sure your little girl will get there it’s just a huge change for her. Hang in there! X

Thank you everyone. Reassuring to know that it might just take a few more weeks for her to settle. Feels like it will never end when you are in the middle of it! Her attitude is totally different in the afternoons after childcare too, she’s clingy, gets upset easily and gets angry about seemingly nothing! Hoping it’s just tiredness from her getting used to it. Will hold out for a bit longer and see how she goes xx

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