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First time mums

Primary Caretaker Resentment

I am the primary caretaker for my daughter, my partner and I live together & are engaged but I knew it would be this way as he works long hours. I’m struggling with not feeling resentment towards him when I’m responsible for 90% of stuff.

I adjusted my hours so one of us could be home with her some of the time (previously we both worked full time, I’m now part time), I do 5/7 bedtime routines a week, I feed her every meal & I plan her meals. Even though he knows what she eats, he always insists on asking me what to buy, he says it’s because I’m home so it’s what I’m happy to make but he knows it annoys me, he knows how long stuff takes to make, I just ask for quicker meals on the days I wfh.

He also shows no interest in her birthday, her first easter. etc. He says I’m the better planner but I told him it doesn’t come naturally to me & I wish he would show some interest in her first holidays.

I feel like I think about our daughter 24/7 & he thinks about her maybe one day as week.

For context: He works 9am - 11pm roughly Wed-Sun. My Mum has her on a Monday & I am off Tuesday afternoon so he only has her alone Tuesday morning.

He can be very helpful & clean the kitchen or sterilise bottles after work but we have gone through phases where he grumbles about this.

He’s always thinking of things to help me but they hardly ever involve him taking actions, I’m relying on my family a lot which is hard for me.

I feel as though it would barely be different if I was a single mother but I don’t know what I expect him to do given his working hours, it’s just hard to not get annoyed.