Postpartum inlaw drama

That sounds like a lot. I'm sorry you're dealing with all that. How does your husband feel about how she is acting? You guys need to have each other's back, even if it is his mother, and be on the same page. It might seem hard and it took me awhile to find my backbone with my family but, at the end of the day your mom not her and you do what you think is best for your child even if it means hurting some feelings. It's hard, and it won't ever be easy, but trust your gut. You have to do what you think is right for your families future, not what someone else thinks. Thank her for her insight, but always do what feels right for you.

he's just as surprised and confused as I am. He's stood up to her a few times but has just done the same as me on other occasions, which is to just nod and keep quiet while she rants in hopes that the lack of opposition makes her get through it quicker and squashes her opportunity to argue (she's very argumentative). He grew up being taught to sit quietly through her long-winded, painful lectures, and it did take a year or two into our marriage for him to find the nerve to stand up to her. After her toxoplasmosis rant, he told me in private that he doesn't know why his mother is turning into one of those grouchy old women who fusses about everything.

I think right now he and I are struggling to find the middleground between being appreciative of the help they give us, but also not letting her steamroll us. Right now, I'm definitely feeling steamrolled. I've come a long way in my confidence and ability to stand up for myself, but this woman still finds ways to make me struggle.

I am glad to hear he supports you and understands that his mother can be too much sometimes. That's really important to validate you. Finding the middle ground is going to be hard. My mom is the same way when she gets on a high horse about something. The only thing I can think of is just taking what she says into consideration. For instance, the cat thing maybe tell her you looked into it and you know it will be fine and nothing like that is going to happen. If she tries to insist, just put your foot down and say I looked into it. We are fine, thanks, and walk away or hang up the phone if you have to. It was hard for me to hang up on my mother the first time she started one of her rants but for my own sanity I had to and she gets it now that I will only put up with so much before it's enough.

thankfully we've not moved to the house they bought. I have my fingers crossed the house exchange falls through because I really do not want to live there. The biggest dilemma with that is my husband and I disagree on if we should move there..... also, how does a person have a whole house offered to them and decline it in a time of need! Our current house is too small, but there's just several unfixable issues with that house. I feel like a spoiled brat even just thinking about turning it down, especially now that it's been bought for several months.

I am definitely trying to figure out how to politely establish boundaries. It's really hard right now because my husband and I are both totally tapped out in terms of energy.

Both my inlaws were trained interrogators for the army, so my mil really knows how to manipulate people into bending to her will. She chips away at me little by little every time she comes over. I just wish I could stand up to her in a confident way that really puts the line firmly in the sand. Instead, my tone is that of a cornered wild animal whenever I try to stand my ground. I look anxious and sound anxious and stumble over my words or spout off stupid stuff that has weak logic behind it. It's like my brain panics. I'm so bad at formulating well articulated thoughts when I'm on the spot. But I don't want to text her either because I feel like that would make me come off as a coward.