Not able to breastfeed

The same thing happened to me and the nurse suggested nipple shields which my LO latched onto very quickly as he was used to bottle

yeah I’ve been trying to use them but he’s so strong he just pulls them off which results in him getting super frustrated and me just flusters ☹️

I know it’s not feeding from the breast but if breastmilk is what you want to provide, have you thought of pumping?

I’ve been expressing as much as I can but I’d never be able to get enough to do that exclusively. Also think I naively never thought it would be an issue. Just that if I didn’t it would be out of choice x

This happened to me too! My baby has a tiny cleft and despite being told it shouldn’t affect her latch on the breast, it definitely did. She just couldn’t do it. I felt upset to begin with (and was made to feel so by multiple midwives in the hospital), however my baby is now 3 months old, formula fed, growing incredibly well and very happy. I keep reminding myself of this! ☺️

Have you looked into tongue or lip ties? Those run on my husbands side of the family so it’s something we are planning to look out for. I’ve also heard that power pumping can increase supply but I’m not exactly sure how often you need to do that? So sorry you’re having to go through these hurdles!

some of the responses I’ve had from health care professionals has been so disheartening and upsetting too. Sorry to hear you experience the same. Glad to hear your baby girl is doing well! I’m sure eventually I won’t be bothered at all but it’s just hard right now!x

maybe try a different size? It should be quite tight, plus it was recommended to squeeze some milk into it first so they have something to drink and don’t have to suck so intensely to get the milk flowing

yeah my boy was losing too much weight and I was so upset the first week particularly. Felt like a complete failure. Just constantly crying. Again I felt like there’s such a narrative of “Breast is best” so if I wasn’t doing that, I was almost doing it wrong which is not true. Thank you for your words ❤️❤️

I went through this exact thing in May. I was desperate to breastfeed. After needing multiple IVF transfers to have my girl, I couldn’t wait for my body to do something “natural”.
I produced milk but she just wouldn’t latch. I was he’s I’ll involved with the infant feeding team for 4 days (couldn’t go home due to it), I saw a lactation consultant. We tried nipple shields….literally everything.
I syringe fed her for 5 days and then had to use bottles and exclusively pumped.
A month later we moved onto formula.
I was an emotional wreck, crying all the time, I was just a mess.
I struggled to pump as much as she needed due to her constant feeding, trying to get her to laugh etc. I was triple feeding and ti was honestly hell. I had to stop. It was so hard and I hate that we couldn’t do it.

Yes, I have been through this and felt incredibly guilty for it.
You are doing your best as a mum and a so long as baby is happy and is being fed then it’s fine.

My cousin is a pharmacist and reassured me that formula milk is very good these days so he would still be fine if he only had formula.

My son is now 13 months and is thriving, he’s such a happy baby and has done very well in meeting his milestones so it is now easier to look back at our journey and be reassure it was ok. I felt guilty for a good six months after I decided to give up on breast feeding though.

I have inverted nipples so they’re simply flat and my child would not have it she wouldn’t latch or she’d latch to the wrong part of the boob we aren’t learning hickeys yet we just want dinner and as such she would get reasonably angry and while I was feeding her everything I pumped with no latch I was loosing supply the pediatrician told me she was underweight and almost malnourished that was my wake up call she’s a year old and finally off formula and yeah I wish I could have but when it’s said and done you’ll be more focused on the bonding activities you did get to do

Yes, we had a different situation but I wanted to breastfeed however our son turned up early and was in NICU and tube fed. He was put onto formula before we even got to see him. I had no milk in at first by day two I was managing to get some but not enough to feed him even one meal so it was again topped up with formula through his tube. With all the stress and trying to pump while sat at his bedside beside ourselves over everything happening and being discharged the same day while leaving him at hospital it just didn't happen. I pumped for weeks but never enough for a full meal in one go. He had to be bottle fed when off the tube because he had such issues with latching as he'd missed that initial auto response due to the tube feeding. In the end my partner told me to stop as he could see the state I was getting into trying to pump for an hour before each feed to not even get enough. I was worn out and getting depressed. He thrived on formula.

Omg that sounds so stressful I’m so sorry you had to go through that and so happy little man is doing okay I can’t imagine how hard that must have been

Same thing happened to me (sort of).

I’ve always wanted to breastfeed (nursing), but I was under the impression it was a magical thing of baby being put on the breast and boom magic happens.

When my LO cried and cried everytime I tried to feed her once we got home from the hospital, plus not latching at all, it really knocked my confidence down. Add all the hormones to that, and I convinced myself I starved her for two days (until my milk came in). I also didn’t know help was available, none of my friends have kids and my mum wasn’t able to breastfeed me, so I had no one to ask.

I started expressing and it made me so much happier knowing how much she was getting from a bottle. I’m very lucky to produce enough to exclusively pump. Because of that I gave up pretty easily on nursing.

Yes! We tried for 3 months. We went every week to a lactation clinic, tried at home, got nipple shields. Nothing worked unfortunately. My son started to get a really good latch more recently but will only drink the letdown and isn’t able to get anything else. Now lately he just cries when I go to put him to the breast. So unfortunately I think our journey trying is over. I have been exclusively pumping this whole time so it’s what I’ll continue to do but I am very sad that it’s just not working for us.

It’s so frustrating and heart breaking when it happens. Have they checked your baby for tongue ties? A specialist is best to do it (someone in ear nose throat)

I really wanted to breastfeed my little one from the moment she was born. Unfortunately no one at the hospital was interested enough to teach me how to beeastfeed without me asking for it, my little one wasn't latching properly and to be honest I wasn't producing enough. The NHS is really set on breastfeeding but I did not get the appropriate support needed. I switched onto formula feed immediately because my baby's health is far more important than what other people say. Formula feeding doesn't make you less of a mum because at the end of the day, if your child is happy and healthy, then you've succeeded. I hope this helps. Do not force your body into doing things because the more you do, the more stressed you'll be and the more that your body won't cooperate. I hope this helps. You're already doing an amazing job so well done! Xx

Have you tried nipple shields?

Yes. For me breastfeeding was absolute agony. It was virtually impossible to get a good latch and when we finally did, she’d just take herself off and re latch poorly. Every feed I’d spend upwards of 20 minutes just latching and relatching her, trying to get a good one before giving up and just letting her feed with a bad latch because she’d be screaming from frustration and hunger. Her weight was dropping because she wasn’t getting enough milk because her latch was so poor. I spent so much money on different breast pumps, lactation consultant appointments, paediatric osteopath appointments (to check for jaw stiffness). We had a tongue tie division and I went to every support group I could find locally, called breastfeeding helplines, had sessions with our hospital feeding team. Nothing we tried helped.
I still feel some sadness when I think about it.
There’s a book by Prof Amy Brown - Why Breastfeeding Grief and Trauma Matter. I’ve started it and am finding it helpful ❤️

My experience was so similar. All I kept hearing from the midwives was ‘breast is best!’ but my baby just not latching. I carried on trying with no success so I had to formula feed because otherwise my baby would starve! I tried pumping but wasn’t getting enough out. I tried nipple shields too. She was checked for a tongue tie but she was fine. I felt like such an idiot especially as I was seeing lots of other mums breastfeeding at baby classes and I was like “why can’t I get it?!” So much of the advice out there is so gaslighty as well, it made me feel that I was the problem! But the reality is formula exists for a reason! It’s a substitute for when breastfeeding can’t happen and we don’t deserve to feel bad about it because we’re brilliant mums! ❤️❤️❤️

My little girl was prem, unfortunately she was getting tired wen latched, only got 3 sucks in, nobody wud help me more in our crap hospital as well so yeah unfortunately cudnt bf, however was a blessing , found out my sacrum was broken wen she was born, due to pregnancy related osteoporosis, now on morphine so it’s prob a good job I didn’t start or I wud have defo had guilt and blamed myself for having to stop xx

Have you had him checked for tongue tie?

yeah it was picked up straight away but they wouldn’t do it. They said I should wait and see if he latched. He hasn’t so they finally did but it’s made no difference at all. Keep trying to persist but so far nothing☹️

he had a tongue tie which they did but it made no difference. I’ve been power pumping and I do have quite a good supply already. I just don’t have the time to pump for the amount he drinks. He’s a hungry baby. Just so annoying x

so sorry to hear the struggles you faced too. Like you say, I was also trying to exclusively pump but I just couldn’t meet how much I was needed, even though I was getting a good amount each time. Just ended crying constantly and feeling completely drained. Just so hard now to not beat myself up about it x

yeah I think that’s what I have to remember. Him being happy and healthy is the main thing and he is so that’s what I need to focus on!

sorry to hear you went through that. My partner said the same to me. I was getting so upset over it all. One day I was just say pumping and constantly crying. Ultimately I don’t feel like I can be the best version of myself as a mum whilst feeling that way.

that’s exactly how I feel! I see other mums and I feel so envious. If I had made the choice to formula feed then I wouldn’t feel that way, but because it’s happened the way it has, I get that same feeling of “why me”, why is it my baby that won’t latch? But as you say it’s a substitute for a reason!❤️

yeah I’ve been trying to use them but he’s so strong he just pulls them off which results in him getting super frustrated and me just flustered ☹️

I’ve had a lot of support from the infant feeding team and they’ve told me I’m using the right size. I also hand express into the shields and it makes no difference. It’s just so frustrating. It’s like i try just doesn’t work

in the end I had two options.
1. Continue pumping and give her my breast milk but not really have time for much else.
2. Accept that breastfeeding wasn’t going to be a part of our journey, move onto formula but give my girl the best version of me.
In the end I couldn’t simply be a milk machine. I needed to give her the other parts of me too. Once I accepted that, I found much more joy with her and we enjoyed our time together.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s still hard and I still have a little cry about it every now and again. 4 months down the line, it gets easier. She now has a happy mama who has all the time in the world for her. Instead of a mama who is hooked up to a machine, crying most of the time.

I’ve done the same. Taking him to an osteopath, various support groups, had home visits from the infant feeding team and nothing is working. Just hard accepting it really. Sorry to hear what you went through. I’ll have to give the book a read. Thanks for the recommendation❤️

this is exactly what my mother in law has said to me. There’s been days where I’m just hooked up to the pump crying my eyes out and she said this isn’t you. I can’t be the best mum possible when I feel like that. Already as we’ve moved more towards predominately formula I feel so much happier and I can see that he’s happier as he’s actually full. Just reminding myself of that when I feel guilty about it.

yeah that’s the same problem I face which I think is ultimately why I’ve been beating myself up so much because I think it’s something wrong with my body. When loads of women with inverted nipples manage to BF so it’s a whole range of things. My little boy lost alot of weight in the first week and I beat myself up for it. I think as you say I need to just focus on the other things we can do together xx

yeah I had a healthcare assistant give me a bottle when I was on the ward and say that I might aswell just give him the bottle. I must admit the help I’ve had since from the infant feeding team has been great but I feel like those first few days are the most important. Thank you for your lovely kind words. Hearing other’s experiences has really helped xx

I had this in covid when there was no support - it was horrible! I ended up exclusively pumping for 14 months. At my peak I was pumping 12 times a day. It was awful and I wouldn't recommend it, but it is an option!

Have you checked him for lip or tongue tie?

yes girl some babies just won’t it’s not you at all it took me way to long to accept that and I hope you and little man have lots and lots of fun with happy tummies also just a suggestion bathing with her helped me get past the bonding aspect cause one I’m in there and you’re not gonna drown or fall or slip and two skin to skin is shown to be an effective bonding method for upwards of a year and a half❤️‍🔥🥰