Dealing with everyone else!

Hey everyone 👋🏼

I’m not sure if this is a rant post or if I just need someone to chat to who is maybe experiencing what I am.

My little bubs is now just over 3 weeks old, if I don’t mind saying so myself I have really took to ‘mum life’🤭😅. Of course there’s good and bad days but I’ve had mostly good and I’ve really surprised myself, I’ve never really been maternal and yet here we are!🩷

I’ve found the most difficult part of the experience is… other people.. and their bizzarre change in personality, the neediness and how they act. I’ve been with my partner for a very long time now and our families have always stayed out of the way and let us get on with our lives but all of a sudden, it’s constant texting, phone calls, asking to see her and I can’t stand it! How do people cope!? Does the novelty wear off???

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I'm finding the same with my partner's family. I know I'm really lucky but the constant offers of help or just doing things for us makes me feel like they think we are not coping - like when people just assume when you are with them that you want a break from the baby and hold her the whole time. (That really stresses me out) I've always been independent and I feel like since having a child our lives are always going to be entwined with family in a way that's too much for me. I honestly fantasize about moving away!
I really hope things settle down too and also that I get better at asserting my authority as my LG's mum. I talked to my partner about it and come up with some boundaries. Now just need to try to use them! I find this part difficult because my partner and I haven't been together that long, 3 years, and I'm still at the stage with his family where I want to please them and not be confrontational. I can't do it anymore though.

My mum has suddenly wanted to come and see us a lot more than pre baby. She lives 2 hours away and would come and see us for a night every fortnight maybe, which my husband and I were alright with because we all get on and she would help with household stuff if we were working. Now our little one is here, she wants to come down weekly for 2-4 days at a time and won’t help with anything and will only hold our little one, if asked to change a nappy or one of the not so fun tasks, she will make a big deal out of it, despite saying she’s more than happy to help with stuff. I’m not complaining she won’t do nappy’s, he’s my son, but just that she claims to want to help then won’t actually do anything helpful, despite doing it before he arrived!

I set the boundary before mine was born of "you can visit as frequently after she's born as you did before", that way the people who are only suddenly interested because there's a cute baby to hold (rude) know their place, and the people around the most are people who you like the most.

Nice to know people are having the same struggles! 🩷

yesssss that comment is bad ass, love it!

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding