(trigger warning) anxiety and depression

hello mamas, just wanted to come on here and share some thoughts i keep having since becoming a mother. Not sure what i’m looking for in response, maybe just knowing that i’m not alone or if it will get better.

My son is now 6 months old and since developing a bond with him and now feeling more adjusted to motherhood, i can’t stop thinking about how short life is and how temporary it is. it’s brought a definite realization of my own mortality that i guess i never cared about until having someone who relies on me and who i care for so much. .

it makes deeply sad to think about not being around for my little boy and i find myself endlessly worrying about all the little dangers in life and how i’ll never be able to protect him from it all.

these types of thoughts have been taking over my mind in the evening especially and i have terrible anxiety going through some awful scenarios in my mind.

i’m sure it would be a good idea to seek professional help. i don’t feel confident sharing this with my doctor as the level of genuine care has been minimal and visits have beenmore transactional. i’ve held off on seeking mental health help because part of me is almost ashamed or embarrassed for having these thoughts and i don’t want to bring it to life
further by sharing it publicly.

idk if this makes sense to anyone but thank you anyway for reading ❤️

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You're not crazy. it happens to me as well. Gruesome scenarios and horrible things come to my mind as well, but I quickly shake them off. That's the everlasting fear that we, as moms, will feel. I don't think it ever will fade away,but it will subside eventually.

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Normal. Definitely seek God through His son Jesus. I put all my cares in his hands. I look forward to the life to come after this one passes away. Put your hope and trust in God! I get many intrusive thoughts and I think it’s partly a vitamin inbalance so I take vitamins and omegas and vitamin d to combat the depressive symptoms. It’s also partly my own heart having experienced so much my mind leads me down those thoughts. The Bible says to reflect on things that are true, lovely in phillipians and the more we reflect on the good the thought life will follow.

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I have these thoughts too sometimes. Life is so fragile and raising a child is an all-consuming thing. I know others have mentioned it, and I don’t want to come across like I’m ambushing you into anything but Jesus really loves you. He cares so much about your life and your little one’s life. He was with me in some of the darkest moments of my life after having my baby (I had a severe postpartum hemorrhage). The song that has always stuck with me for the last several years is “you’re gonna be ok” by Jenn Johnson. I never knew why I connected with this song but it was made clear after what I experienced in the hospital. I encourage you to listen to it. It’s really powerful. Feel free to message me if you need a listening ear. 🧡

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Those intrusive thoughts can be really hard to get out of mind. I can relate to this, too. I had/have anxiety prepregnancy and dealt with similar challenges when my partner was in Iraq. Keeping busy and trying to do things that make me feel good help. Therapy definitely has helped too. I've been wanting to start again but struggling to find a provider available in my area.

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I think a lot of times healthcare workers base their concern for their patients’ physical and mental health on the patients’ own expressed level of concern about it.
I know I minimized a lot when I was pregnant and dangerously depressed. I mentioned it but brushed it off. So my doctor brushed it off.

However, if you reach out to your care team with overt concern about your anxiety/depression, they will be quick to offer support. There are countless resources for mothers who are struggling.

If and when they are offered, please please take advantage of them.
There are people ready and willing to help you if you are ready and willing to accept it. Keep an open mind.

Reach out to me if you’d like to know more about the help I received.

Wishing nothing but the best for you and your little one ❤️

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