Unhelpful partner- long rant sorry!

Hey guys! My little boy is now turning 13 weeks old and my partner has only ever done one night feed!!!! Even on his two weeks off when our little one was first born, he didn’t offer once to have the baby for me to sleep 😩 every time I bring it up he makes me feel bad and says “well I work” but I don’t think he realises that I don’t get to sleep all day while he’s at work 🥲 and when he does get home from work he maybe has the baby for about half an hour and sometimes not at all. He also does no housework, but expects a clean house everyday, like he doesn’t even know how to work the washing machine. does anyone have any advice? Or has anyone experienced this? I’m hoping he will want to spend more time with our baby when he’s older and can interact a bit more 🥲

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I’d sit down and have a chat with him about it. Or book something for yourself like a massage or some time with your friends which means he has to look after baby for a bit. I think sometimes partners don’t realise that it’s not easy being at home with a baby all day. Having something planned where they have to look after the baby often makes them realise so it might click in his head then that he shouldn’t be expecting all this from you. Also some partners aren’t always sure what to do with a baby. I know mine said he didn’t really know how to play or sing with her but he’s watched me a few times now and now really enjoys playing with her. I EBF so there are things he can’t help with but if I didn’t I would definitely be expecting him to help with some of the night feeds even if it’s just some of the weekend ones.

With my husband you have to ask him to do things - he just naturally won’t volunteer much. Well, yesterday he offered to put out toddler to bed but then it is a bit different for him as our toddler is fun and etc. So, yes, most men do struggle to bond with a baby and have much more fun when kids are a bit older. And as above suggested try to do things that are just for you and leave him with a baby so you can get a break and he can realise how not easy this is x

How old exactly does your baby have to be for him to be interested? Parenting is a team effort and if he isn't pulling his weight now why do you think he's suddenly going to be interested when the baby is older? It sounds like you've got two children to look after if he doesn't even know how to run the washing machine 🙄

If you are going to have this conversation with him I wouldn't initially frame it as you needing a break (it's clear he doesn't value what you are doing when he says he works) and ask him why he doesn't want to spend any time with his own child. Your partner is just going to end up being a stranger to him which I'm sure he wouldn't want. As others suggested you should also plan something in which means he HAS to look after the baby.

My partner is exactly the same, not helpful at all. He Huff's when I ask for his help and will hand my lo back to me within 5 mins saying she isn't settling you sort her. I cook and clean and look after our 11 week including all the feeds and nappy changing. It's exhausting and tiring and I feel like I am beginning to become resentful. I honestly feel like a single mother and that he is just here in the far far background. So please don't feel alone, I understand your pain and frustration. Just keep swimming girl, that's what I tell myself. Xxx

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do