Really bad anxiety

I have a one year old little girl and am also 30 weeks pregnant with my son and I've been crying and struggling to breathe the last hours because I'm worried about what would happen to my children in a zombie apocalypse or a nuclear bomb/war. I constantly worry about my baby dying inside me and when my little girl was born I went to sleep every night thinking she was going to die in her sleep and this worrying has just gotten worse with this pregnancy I know it's all super irrational but I don't know how to stop it please help

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Sorry you’re feeling this way, sounds super hard on you ☹️
Please talk to your midwife, it sounds like you may need a referral to the perinatal mental health team to help with your anxiety. And possibly some (pregnancy safe) medication.
Is there anyone who you can call or speak to to distract you from these thoughts, at least until you can speak to your midwife?

they won't do anything like get social services involved with my kids will they? Because that's my main worry about speaking up about all this because if anything I'm just overly safe with them they're not in any danger but I don't want to risk any attention from those kind of services. I've heard a lot of things about how mum's say they're struggling and next thing you know they're taking their kids.

No they won’t. I work in mental health and this doesn’t happen unless there’s a real risk of imminent harm to the children.
And my sister works in children’s social services. It’s extremely hard to get children taken away from the mothers. It’s not taken lightly at all, and all services went to do is to help you to cope and give you the support you may need

thankyou I will talk to someone then me and my husband are both very stable in every way and love our little girl and soon to be son so much it's just these thoughts in my head keep getting worse and they're really upsetting. I'll ask my midwife when I see her next week thankyou for your advice

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Any routines you have that work for you, please let me know them with timestamps. my baby is 6 weeks and just wondering when we should start them?

I think Motherhood has made me more bitter than I realized…

This is such a ramble but I don’t know where else to put it all.

I’m four months in and I don’t really have hobbies right now. I don’t do anything for myself except maybe doomscrolling or listening to a podcast while I breastfeed my baby. I used to craft and have game nights with friends. Activities that usually are at least 2 hour stretches. Now if I have an hour free my mind immediately goes to baby, or doing something in the house for baby.

And I thought I didn’t mind. Like I knew postpartum could be very mentally consuming. But I think it’s altering how I view people around me and it’s prodding at my relationship with my husband.

He spends most of his time making food for us, looking after our dogs, playing with the baby, ect. But he still has time for his hobby. Spends maybe an hour a night on it. Even adapted to using a bot for shopping for his hobby after a certain incident where we had to have a heart to heart after he left me home alone with the baby for hours during a busy workday (I work from home) to shop for his hobby.

And yet there’s like this little green eyed monster in me that rages every time I know he’s running off to start up the bot. Even though I’m the reason he does it this way.

We took a family trip last weekend to see his best friend and their kids and let them meet the baby. He brought the laptop. He’s always brought a laptop on trips and it’s never been a problem to me before. But one night we both woke up while the baby was still asleep, and he wandered out of the room. I tried to fall back asleep but couldn’t. So I went to the kitchen to try having something warm to drink to settle me. And he was there at the table running the bot from his laptop. I flipped out at him. But there really wasn’t reason to. It’s not like I needed help with the baby and he was ignoring me. He wasn’t avoiding our friends. He was just awake and unable to sleep and found something to do with his time. Yet my snap reaction was “why the hell would you do this on a family trip?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the less complete sleep from baby’s middle of the night feed? My brain being just consumed by baby? Maybe I’m not as over that shopping incident as I thought? But I’m just so annoyed at his hobby right now. The green eyed monster thinks “you could be using that time differently” but realistically to do what exactly??? Stare at our baby in the dark???

I spent probably an hour apologizing to him after I snapped. And he’s of course hurt and frustrated because I said some very mean things in the moment.

I don’t want to be this jealous, angry person. But I also don’t know how to find time for myself in this right now outside of basic hygiene. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be myself, even if just for an hour.

Maybe I need a therapist.

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