Just going to vent cuz I feel so stupid right now.
I moved in with my MIL 3 months back (not anymore as I’ve left). Me and my husband weren’t in the best of situations and I had resentment towards him for afew things, mainly to do with finances.
Anyway, one night I was quite emotional and my MIL asked me how our relationship had been, I stupidly confided in her thinking she’s a safe space as she’s his mother, like surely she won’t judge us.
I opened up a little too much, big regrets.
The other week we all had a massive argument as she was stirring shit behind our backs to my husbands brother and he’d start fights with us over stupid stuff. So I packed my stuff and went back to my parents house as it was so toxic. The fights happened too often over stupid stuff and it was all down to my MIL stirring the pot. My husband and I were still on good terms at this point as he agreed that I couldn’t stay there anymore cuz it affected my mental health. They were literally narcissists but that’s a whole other story.
Fast forward to yesterday, MIL says to the hubby ‘this is what she says about you, she bad mouths you I don’t know why and how you can love her so much she’s disrespectful’ she’s gone and taken a vulnerable moment of mine and used it against me causing friction between us. He was disappointed in me as he believed I should defend him at all costs. I apologised to him for saying stuff behind his back but I explained how I thought his mum wouldn’t judge our situation cuz HELLO THATS YOUR MUM… and I was just filling her in on why we ended up moving in with them.
my husband and I are on good terms we’ve had the conversation. However I can’t help but to feel so shitty right now about it and I feel like she’s kind of made things very awkward and doubtful between us by ‘exposing’ what I’ve said about him. I feel so bad about it and so silly for all of it :(
She’s even gone as far as to say that I’m a bad mum and I can’t handle looking after our 1 year old cuz I’m constantly complaining. Sorry but it’s not easy and there’s times in which I feel so overwhelmed, I’m judged for it. Now my husband thinks I should be able to handle it and he compares me to other mums that apparently don’t complain. I feel like absolute shit, can’t believe any of this is happening :(
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Firstly I’m sorry your going through this, your last point though it hit me. As I’ve experienced something similar where I’ve been told other mums can do it, your not the only one. BUT EXCUSE ME, do you live in their house, do you know if that persons husband/sister/family supports that mum? NO.
Also every child is different, my son for example is really hard to look after alone. Some kids are soo chill and will play on their own and my son hates being alone, is ALWAYS next to me and I have to be in the same room. WHICH MAKES THINGS A WHOLE LOT HARDER FOR ME.
Funny thing is no one believes you until they have to look after him/her.
yes honestly same! My LO is so clingy and only wants me, no one understands how exhausting that is! They just point fingers at you and label you as a bad mum, how’s that even fair.
Literally bending over backwards here trying my best and it’s never enough.
yes I’ve cut ties 100% and I don’t care what they say. I’ve realised that if I don’t respond/ react to their indirect comments, they won’t have no power over me. Didn’t realise people could stoop this low loool I just be very naive…
I’m glad to hear that you have a good relationship with your MIL! And yes luckily I have sisters that stuck by through it all! I don’t know what I would’ve done without them. Everyone else seems to think I could be doing things better :/