Gender disappointment (grieving never having a daughter and lifetime experiences that come with)
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I can’t say I get it as I have one of each but I do think I might feel that way too. I think what you are doing even just writing this post about how you feel is healthy, just admitting this feeling, putting it out there and acknowledging it is a type of grief , I really do believe is a healthy response and will help you going forward. Separately If it makes you feel any better I am very close with my mil and she has a lovely relationship with her grandchildren including three granddaughters. Also as Ashley was pointing out, you just don’t know what your boys may be like or you may have had a girl who wasn’t girly at all or super into sports, never get married or have children etc. I think that old school parenting and attitude to how boys should be raised is part of the reason why boys are seen to ‘Leave’ or be less close with their mums. So try not to get to caught up in that type of thinking and just focus on building a strong relationship with your boys.
As a mum of 4 boys and 1 girl, my boys were/are all mums boys, they enjoyed shopping, cinema trips, always wanted me to paint their nails if I was doing mine, sofa days under the duvet watching films etc. My girl when she was younger wanted her nails painted and did all the things my boys enjoyed doing, she got to around 8 and no longer wanted to wear girlie clothes, she's into sports more than my boys, she will wear her brothers boy clothes and tracksuits, hates having her hair done, plays for a boys footy team on a Sunday(only girl on the team) acts like more of a boy than her brothers do. They weren't interested in going to play with their friends til they were 13+ years, she's been wanting to go and play since she was 9 to go and play football with the lads at the park 😅 I thought with my girl, yes I'm going to have a mini me but in reality that's not what happened. There is 10months+3 days between my girl and one of her brothers and she loved him instantly, if hes ever in trouble she looks after him.
I have two boys and the brotherly bond is amazing. I actually prefer it to one of each because they can share the clothes, toys, interests, have baths together and the chance of them growing up and being close is high. All my girl friends with brothers don’t even talk. All the brothers I know are super close. That’s just my experience. At first I was sad about not having a girl but seeing their bond it’s out of this world.
This is why I'm not finding out 18 years of trying & a miscarriage I'm just so blessed to be pregnant and due soon.
hey! so all i will say is that this is sooo valid! dont feel bad for it, i had the same my first was a boy and i was so so so disappointed for the same as you like i had envisioned getting nails done and hair and movies etc, i then went on to having 2 girls, now i was like yes omg i have my girls that i can do that with, let me tell you that was never the case! my youngest girl is into sports and running and climbing and dirt and she doesnt sit and watch movies or anything like that she is on the go crazy 24:7 and to bond with her i have to take her to parks and play bat and ball etc, however my boy, he will sit and snuggle and watch a movie and we go shopping together, hes more interested in fashion stuff, so even though gender disappointment is a thing it definitely doesnt mean that personality wise you wont share the same qualities, it may feel like this now but when theyre older it may end up being completely the opposite! xx
I will feel the same if I find out this is a girl as my first is a girl. This is our last (I need a full hysterectomy) and I always wanted a boy. I did marry a guy who had a sister but was not a decent human and so my ex husband's mom never got to go prom dress shopping, wedding dress shopping or anything so I took her with me when I tried on dresses and did other things with her so maybe you'll get some nice daughter in laws that'll include you in these things.
I felt the same way my second son is two months and I wouldn’t change him for anything but I’m done having children and absolutely feel what you mean. My husband likes to remind me our relationship with our sons will influence how much time they want to spend with us when they are older more than their sex will determine it. And he’s right, my sister spends tons of time with her in-laws (mine live hours away so we don’t see them in person very often). But it’s because they all get together and have fun without drama. Fingers crossed for a happy future for us all.
I had gender disappointment as well. I have a girl and had a boy 8 weeks ago. I wanted another girl because I wanted them to experience that sisterly bond. If I had a boy first I would have wanted another boy so that they could have that brotherly bond. I have not ever seen a sister brother relationship that was represented positively. So I understand that grief and wanted to share that perspective. We are gender neutral parents so we offer both ‘boy and girl’ things to our kids and I also am trying to be open minded to the fact that either of my children could be transgender, so the way I see them might change. I hope this helps even a little bit.