How to respond to manipulation?

After deciding that it’s best to divorce because we both argue nonstop, literally cannot get on, don’t seem to have empathy for each other, the love has dwindled. We both feel depressed in this marriage, but he is saying “I choose to stay despite how crap this situation is, I can pretend to be happy and keep the marriage for the sake of our daughter who is just turned 1. Unlike you who just wants to destroy a family for your own happiness”

Other things he says: “I care more about our LO than you”

“You don’t care about her”

“You’re breaking a marriage over a man who doesn’t cheat, is loyal, doesn’t go out random partying, provides, does his duties, so what exactly are you divorcing over? Nothing.”

“You’re the one who is sinful, I do all my duties but you choose to make your husband angry instead of fixing things”

Anyway, this has been going on for ages and I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted having a husband who uses my weaknesses against me, who doesn’t know how to make me feel better when I’m sad or overwhelmed or emotional. I’m sad to be with someone who switches his moods so often. Who doesn’t show me affection or empathy. And I’ve become like him over the few years we’ve been married! Me becoming like him is a problem to him, yet when I highlight his side he says “I didn’t do anything wrong” it’s really frustrating and feels a lot like my feelings jsut do not matter!

Anyway, what do I respond to these manipulations. He makes me feel I can’t leave because I’m the bad one who is making a child grow up without a fully present father (we live in his country so obvs I’d go back to mine with our daughter if we separate).

I’m exhausted feeling like I can’t stay but being manipulated into thinking leaving is an evil decision!!!!

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Would you/he consider counselling as a final attempt before actually divorcing? Arguing, empathy etc all this can sometimes blossom with talking and therapy sis. Sorry if I misunderstood the situation but as there is no drastic dilemma (just ongoing interaction issues and mood) it still seems salvageable? Yes he totally needs to change his attitude and stop saying some of that stuff but he is also a little bit right in that if he is not actively mistreating you, then all he needs to do is learn how to actually treat you well. It's easier to build new habits than break bad/old ones.

Wishing you the best and I pray it it works out in the best way for you both, and your little one 🤲🏻

yes but he refuses Councelling, refuses family intervention, refuses to consider his own actions. I had suggested all these for 2 years. He is also very aggressive when he gets angry, and uses evil words towards me. It’s one thing to do it in anger once or twice and never again, but it’s every single time he is angry. He withholds affection as punishment and silent treatment is a massive abuse. Especially when he knows how it makes me feel because I have literally told him. He uses all the tools he knows will make me suffer. This is the issue. Using someone’s weakness and triggers against them. Not even seeing it as a problem, thinking Councelling is not a solution. So the alternative is 2: either I stay and put up with this and be miserable and get closer to depression every day, or I leave. When I tell him this, he then uses all the above statements. It’s exhausting

Then yes, if this is all that has happened (apologies, didn't know you had tried going for counselling) then proceed with what you think is best sis. It is not healthy for you to be manipulated nor for your child to see or learn that.

You mention you suggested counseling but did you actually book a session with a reputable therapist and tell him he has to meet you there? It does seem like counseling would help you both.
If he absolutely refuses to come to a scheduled session, can you start counseling on your own?

I did I said I’ve already paid for it, he attended, dismissed it all, and after, said, see that was a waste of time and money. Whereas I felt it was a productive start.

in our community

What’s wrong with men?…

My boyfriend and I have discussed in therapy multiple times and have agreed, I will have sex at least once/ twice a week, where I will initiate. I have mentioned before how much of a chore sex becomes because if he doesn’t get it, he’ll treat me mean the next day. This is why we agreed to what we agreed on, sex once/ twice a week. If he wants anything more he will have to initiate, which he hates doing, and understand that I’m not horny 24/7 like he is. There’s times I’m just not into it, but I tell him take what he needs to for himself. He says he hates taking from me. Ok, fair.

We have had sex three times this week. This morning he tried rubbing me and I was not into it. So he got upset. I’m a SAHM, he pays for everything. This morning before he left to work he says I’m not loving him, & then proceeded to say I just use him for money. & walked out. I was initially upset about the comment cause wtf?

I just got a haircut yesterday.
I hardly ever spend anything on myself, it’s always for the kids.
I’m just annoyed. & irritated. & he just keeps coming to me today trying to argue about shit that I have no energy to argue about.

I just need to vent cause I’m so fucking annoyed.

I feel used

I've been with my partner 4 years now and I'm pregnant. I got pregnnat just when I had decided I did not want to be with him anymore as during the 3 years I've found out he was talking to other girls and I say girls because they're all younger than me. I'm in my mid 30s and these girls have all been in their early 20s and he's in his late 20s. We have been through more bad things than good. He cheated on me on the first year and blamed it on me. He hasn't worked since he's been with me neither and always promises me he will find work but never does only worked twice and the first time he got fired the second one which was late year he had an accident on his fi ger which had to have surgery and couldn't work till now but still hasn't found work even though I'm near to the end of my last trimester. I'm constantly finding things on his phone which he thinks he's deleted but I have my ways of undeleting things. Or just too good with phones. He doesn't help me around the house. Constantly calling old just because I'm tired of always coming home to find mess and my side of the bed dirty and he can't even clean it up. He made me fix his phone only for me to see he was chatting and calling his ex wife and telling her his single again. If he's doi g that with her I can't imagine with who else he's doing it with. Whenever he comes home from "playing football" he starts accusing me of bringing men or someone to my house because he finds foot prints or stains on the floor. All these while I'm pregnant. If he doesn't feel like I'm the one for him or if I'm too old for him why is he still with me. I've kicked him out of my house so many times but he comes bk all the time or just says why do I say that if I really don't want him to leave if I'm just gona be crying after. When I finish work early he's always asking me in a bad " urgh why you finishing so early"? As if it's a bad thing I'm bk home. All of these to me just point to the fact heseither chatting to some other girl or looking somewhere else. And every time on my pay day he just asks me to borrow him money and starts being all nice. And if I say no he then starts saying oh when I start working I'm not gona be like that stingy. Making me feel bad which makes me feel bad and I fall for it All the time. I feel like I'm just with someone who I think will love me but I'm so wrong. And he never will even if I do have his baby. I'm just tired of feeling like this like I'm always just someone who he can use. While he chats to his other little girls and makes then feel nice and good and probably worth it. He's always made me feel worthless, less or little or old just Coz I'm 9 years older than him.

Put a finger down if xx

you only ever had sex with one person, only ever kissed this person, been with them 8 years and are still currently with them, started a family and now wondering if dating or having other sexual relationships would of been beneficial to a long term relationship in terms of experience ✊🏻

Some of y’all mad weird

Women begging for friends but can’t hold a convo and just overly dry. Starts a convo and then goes ghost. Ask people if they wanna be in a group chat but never even messages anyone back. If you wondering why you don’t have friends maybe take a closer look cause you might be the problem. 🤭😂

Extremely frustrated

My husband and I don’t have enough sex for my liking (it’s April and we have had sex 8 times this year..) He works full time regular hours, I am a full time stay at home mom who homeschools our children. We both are busy, I try to make his day/life as easy as possible as I have been the working parent before and was also extremely tired. We used to have sex more often. We met when we were both young. His excuses have changed over time as to why it’s diminished. It’s been not wanting more kids in that moment, him being tired, getting older, and now it’s that he’s gained a good amount of weight after losing it so he doesn’t feel confident.

I’ve been with guys who were extremely over sexual to where it was a turnoff and abusive. The last thing I want is to be that person pressuring him for sex, being married doesn’t mean we own each other so I respect when he says no, however it’s been a big hit to my self esteem with me constantly trying to have sex and I keep getting shot down. I don’t feel desired or wanted, I want to be lusted after a bit. Is that so bad?

He tells me he loves me, he compliments me, we just don’t have enough freaking sex. Let me also say that I want another child and with our youngest getting older and him deploying soon it’s giving me anxiety since I can’t even get a nut out of my spouse (he’s gone soft a few times with me riding him🫠)

My question is, am I petty for growing a bit distant? It’s put me in a depressive episode at this point. I’ve had this conversation with him many times to where now I don’t even want to talk about it or initiate sex because I know what the answer will be and I can’t take it anymore. Are there men out there that just don’t care about sex? He’s actually complained before about me want too much sex which seems insane for a man to say? What kind of guy complains about his wife desiring him? You’d think we were 80 years old unable to walk im so over it 😞

Nexplanon bleeding

If you got the birth control arm implant how long and how much did you bleed after? Cause I got it about 3 months ago and still bleed every week for 3-5 days.