Toxic Grandparents

Is anyone else having trouble with their parents listening when it comes to your little ones?

My parents are always completely ignoring anything I say, I say no McDonald's they buy him McDonald's, when I say don't they turn it back with well you do. I say no more toys, they buy heaps of toys, I say please let him be content and happy, my dad then has to wind him up and upset him and thinks it's hilarious, I am fed up with it.

I'm so confused with the whole situation, I love my parents and want to see them and be around them but they are making it difficult and when the boundaries are crossed they turn it back on me and make me feel awful.

My dad had a stroke a couple of years ago and ever since his personality has changed, I hate to be around him now. I don't know what to do, having my mum's help is nice but how much more do I let them walk all over me.

I am planning a weekend outdoor swimming trip with a good male friend of mine, my partner is completely fine with it. My Mum over heard the plans and basically said you're a mum now you have responsibility and I cannot go off doing this and that every other weekend and how could you even think about spending a weekend with a male friend. Now I feel guilty for even wanting to go.

My partners mum also makes me feel awful. She always says oh poor Phil he must be so exhausted having to work and look after the baby whilst you go out. Everything I do in life now I feel awful.

I want my son to know his grandparents and I like the help sometimes so I can go and do my job when I get work (pyrotechnics in the evenings) or just still have a life but then also I think are they toxic for me and I'm better off cutting all ties.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Oh no. You are absolutely allowed to to whatever you want and leave the baby with their OTHER PARENT who is more than capable of caring for the baby, and who is also happy for you do go an have your you time.

Secondly. Phil having a job is the bare minimum this is not the 50/60/70/80s anymore it’s 2023. What happens when you work full time? Is it poor you coming home and looking after the baby all weekend after working.

She sounds so incredibly set in her ways. Again this is 2023. If you want to do both you absolutely can.

(No offence to Phil btw , im sure he works hard)

Although I don’t have it as much as this, there are definitely things you’ve described I can relate to. The winding them up one especially, it does my nut in. You’re absolutely right to set boundaries and stick to them.

As for the “you’re so awful for going out” thing, it’s such an outdated concept. I’m struggling with it with my parents at the minute. I’ve got two overnight trips planned for November, both with friends and there’s been some definite snide comments about how it didn’t happen in their day etc etc. Ok, fine? 🤷🏼‍♀️ but as my husband actively encourages me to have time out, as I do to him, and my daughter will be with him and have a great time, it’s actually no one else’s business. So long as you and your partner have a similar agreement, screw what anyone else thinks! You deserve time out!!

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.