Separation and co-parenting

I have recently separated from my husband.we have a beautiful 6 year old girl. Ex was a narscissist and I finally walked away from the abuse after 9 years. I agreed to him taking her for the whole day one day over wekend and to pick her from school 2 days during the week to return at bedtime
I think I gave too much
Since the mediation yesterday I have been so upset that this is too much. I have been the primary carer for my child throughout. But he is not a bad father either. How do mums like me cope? I live in Australia, no family no real friends, currently not even a job though I usually work full time.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

I’m not a mom yet I’m due in the few weeks but remember you are a warrior & queen; Do what’s best for you and babygirl. things will work themselves out. (I know it’s easier said than done) I’m hear as dad or virtual shoulder if you need it

I seperated from my narc ex husband. He had the boys every other weekend. It broke me at first.

Also as much as he's a good dad, if he's a true narc then your daughter will just be a pawn in his game to gain control over you. Please be careful x

I feel like I agreed to too much..1 day during the week and 1 over weekend is enough..

Oh wow I understand it I’m going through it as well and I threw my ex out for cheating and our son wasn’t even 3 months yet. He is a narcissist as well and now he’s marrying the women he cheated on me with after we were engaged and together for 3 years and he’s only been with this lady for a few but I know what’s it’s like and there is no co-parenting with a narcissist it’s not easy at all.

Your not wrong for giving him time honestly … I co parent with my of years that we dated and my child is a new born and it’s hard honestly .. but if he’s a good father let him get his time that what matters honestly .. I find it hard being away from my child for so long but I am okay in the end even though it may hurt being away but I know he’s a good father so I deal with him .. I’ve been trying to find stuff that I like or try to go out more .. and do things for myself

I grew up with a narcissist father who didn’t really interact with me or try to understand me at all throughout my childhood (or adulthood either).
If your ex is trying to be a dad, that’s better than most narcissists.

BUT I would take the lead from your daughter…listen to her about how she explains her time with him.
Is she comfortable or uncomfortable when she’s with him? Does he play with her or take her places she wants to go, or does she play alone while he does whatever?

Be the mama bear you are, but make sure to listen to your child too💕

No overnight stays? Just daytime visits? You are doing a great job momma, don't forget that!

Oh no she has a good bond with her dad, he does play with her a lot, certainly more than I do! Im feeling more comfortable since he returned her on time this week.. if she is happy, I'm happy 🤷🏻‍♀️ lookin at it like paid childcare..
But yeah, theres elements of controlling behaviour even noticed by mediator..
Hes a dark cloud of negativity but he would Never spoil his relationship with his child and make me look like the better parent.. its all about his image! Which is good for my kid anyway!

I miss her sooooo much though when she is with him. I gave up 4.5 years of my career to look after her. She has always usually been with me so its a bit hard for me.

Yes just post school till bedtime visits, she was clear she wants only mum at bedtime so I advocated for that.

in our community

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.

He has no respect for anything to do with me.

Husband and I decided to separate 3 days ago. I've been sleeping on the floor in the kids room, and we both have to stay in the same apartment for a while. He wont stop pushing little things and I am reaching my limit. Photos in comments

Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

Starting BLW

Yesterday our pediatrician said we could start purées or baby lead feeding. My baby is exclusively breast-fed. She’s already tried some foods, but now we can start with one to two meals a day. This is what my doctor recommends, any ideas for what to make with this??