Quick advice

Hey all. I've seen a few posts about MILs taking baby from mom's arms so figured I'm safe to ask for advice on something similar.

Baby is 9 mo and since he was 1 mo MIL will come to me when i'm holding him and say "you wanna come with grandma?" and just takes him from me. I'm not sure if it's just me not liking confrontation but i don't know what to say and just let her take him even though it pisses me off. Like every time she comes over or we go see her she always has to be holding him as soon as we walk in. It makes me anxious for the holidays coming.

So what would you ladies do in this situation? thanks in advance.

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If you’re breastfeeding… I’d just put him on the boob

Even if he’s not eating and just wants to pacify

I'd just say: "Not now, thanks. We're enjoying cuddles."

Maybe do some baby-wearing? Keep him in a sling so that she can't just take him. My in-laws are planning a baby meet and greet when my little one is about a month and a half old, and thats what I plan to do to avoid baby getting taken by someone and passed around.

Eh personally for me I would try to get over it. My mom talks about how she hated when my grandma used to do it when I was a baby. She would immediately come and take me and my mother hated it. Now that my mother is a grandmother she does the same thing. She understands now that if I say no she won’t take him but she understand why my grandma did it. If you don’t want her to take your baby then just say not right now maybe in a few min. But also maybe try to just get over it in a way and think about how much she misses or wants to love on baby. And how it can give you some free time of not having to hold your child. If we go to my parents then we have a long drive ahead of us so when we get there I went to cuddle my babies so I’ll say just a few min but if we are already in town then I’m totally fine with them taking my kids because I finally get a break

I dont understand how you've let that slide for so long if you don't want it to happen. 'No' is a full sentence.

Just ignore her when she says it, don’t even look at her. If you look and make eye contact after she says that you’re acknowledging you’ve heard her and it’s the go-ahead to just take your baby. That’s what I started to do with my MIL, she would only take him if she knew I heard her. Like why do they ask the baby anyway, he can’t understand you!!!??

I’ve not experienced anyone taking my baby from me but if people ask and I’m not ready I just say that she’s been a little fussy or overtired so I’m just making sure she’s settled, they can have her in a bit.
I really don’t understand how anyone can take your baby from your arms unless you let them.
If you don’t let them go they’re not going to physically wrestle you for them.

I usually let people if they ask nicely. But if there is a time where you don’t want her to and you don’t want to straight up say “no”, I would do what Lani said above! Sometimes too, I tell people that my LO actually really needs to get some tummy time in because I think most of them understand the importance of that!

I just say she’s not very settled atm maybe later on

My mil was doing that. I told my husband to check her before I have to. It needs to be addressed directly because boob feeding or baby wearing won’t stop her grabbing your baby since she clearly doesn’t understand boundaries. Anyone telling you to get over it needs to shush because people who accept being violated and others dancing all over their feelings and boundaries should not be giving advice. I explained how I’m the mother and my baby might not be ready to be held by someone else. My baby is literally a part of me so anyone coming to grab him off me without my consent gives me anxiety and I personally think it is a disrespect. He’s not a toy that I must share with everyone. It was one conversation and since then my mil asks first before holding my baby or doing anything to my baby and our relationship has gotten much better.

I know EXACTLY how you feel!!
My partner’s mother makes similar comments, always directed to the baby, and I’m not at all confrontational either to say no! One time I was giving my LO a bottle and she came over and said ‘you want grandma to give you your bottle don’t you?’ So I took the bottle out their mouth and passed them over and hated myself for it 😭 they cried and wouldn’t take it from grandma!
Sometimes I have to leave the room and distract myself with something else if she’s taken from me but as soon as LO cries I take them back off her, even though I can feel her resisting I don’t give her a choice.
I told my partner how I felt and when she said ‘oh why hasn’t grandma had cuddles next?’ he told her to start addressing us instead so we can give her an answer not the baby. Would your partner be able to speak to her?
You could also just ask her for cuddles if she’s had them too long, she can’t say no to a mother wanting her baby back!

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Today I opened the door to get my stuff out of the dryer. I saw I guess my neighbor putting stuff in the washer. It’s a very tight space so I closed the door and was planning on going back after he leave instead of crowding up the space with the baby. Plus I was in shorts and had no bra on, it was an older man.

I latched my door with the dead lock as I usually do so that I do not get locked out and I just left it that way without thinking about it.

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They were playing 🤯

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