Feeling alone

Don't worry I am feeling like this too. My partner is exactly the same. They cook and make more mess than it's worth. I feel so ungrateful but having the full responsibility of running the household and looking after and the baby is a lot.

He’s not working, you’re cooking and cleaning and looking after LO and he can’t spare you a 15 min shower? What is the use of him? You’re not his mum

Sounds like it's time for a wake up call for him. He's the father, not a roommate. I know those conversations are hard, but he needs to start helping with baby, taking over house chores, or go back to work. Give him a list of things he's in charge of and things he can do with baby.

Why are you letting him lie in? Also tell him it’s his child play with them. Don’t tolerate his laziness

I'd bin him off !!!!

I’d tell him you’re going for a shower, don’t ask. You don’t need his permission. He’s the father so let him figure out what he’s ‘to do with him’. He needs bonding time and you need you time. Like someone else said, you need to have a conversation with him about who does what. As mums we tend to be the default parent but we deserve a break too and the fathers need to understand that.

He sounds beyond useless. He has absolutely no excuse not to help if he isn't working.

There has to be some give and take. My partner is renovating our house so I am doing most of the household chores and all night feeds etc because I can't help him with the house. However he still plays with our LB when he gets home and helps out more on weekends. If he was at home though I would expect him to do his full share. You need some time for yourself too. Being a mum is a 24 hour job so a little help goes along way.

do not ask you tell him you are having a shower and tell him to start pulling his weight

Men can just be arseholes, does he ask you for permission before he goes for a shower? Just do exactly as he does to you, say right i’m just going for a shower and just go!
You have every right to shower, I also give my husband a choice sometimes so i’ll say “do you want to change the nappy or make the milk?” Or “do you want to hoover or wash up?” So i’m basically giving him a task but he feels he has a choice 🤣

Sounds like you're a single mum with two children.
You should not need to ask to shower!! It sounds like you need to have an honest conversation with him and really.. both you and your baby deserve better.

Why don’t men understand clean as you go? So frustrating. Also, stop asking to go take a shower, maybe set up an activity for them if you’re feeling generous (teething toy or books or crayons depending on age) and just do it. My boyfriend still isn’t great in the cleaning up after himself but he has gotten so much better at the parenting and telling me he appreciates me which makes a huge difference.

All the time