My daughter wants to move with her dad.

If you don’t mind me asking, If he only sees her couple times a year, why does she wanna go live with him? Does he want her to live with him?

I suspect that she feels that is the only way she’ll truly get to spend more time with him. He told her she could. They had a whole conversation about it before bringing me into the loop. He does have a wife and other kids of theirs, so I know she would be taken care of there.

First of all I don’t think it’s about not loving you anymore. Think of it this way, you are the involved mother and he is not a very involved father and that’s something very child with divorced /separated parents want is to have equal attention from both parents. She is probably feeling like she can fix his absence by moving into his home. And while you and I both know that this is not going to make him more involved in anyway but only make him feel forced to be a parent, she is 11 and doesn’t comprehend that. She is just worried about having her dad in her life. I think that her dad needs to step up or step out completely and stop giving this baby empty promises.

I think you should stand your ground if you don’t mind me saying. You have brought her up from the sounds of it and bless her she’s thinking she’s going to spend more time with him but might not happen as he has other kids etc. you know her better than anyone. Can you have an honest convo with her and come up with an agreement for holidays for her to go there instead?

Sorry I’m only saying as you don’t deserve to be without your baby girl and heartbroken.

Has anyone said anything to her about you? As you mentioned you think it feels like she doesn’t like you. Just wondering what’s caused it to trigger now.

I’ve felt this way for many years. I can’t tell you all the nights she would cry in my arms because of something he told her he’d do and then didn’t. Part of me feels that this will end the same way, but at the same time I’m scared it won’t and then she’ll be gone. I know there is a phone, but it’s just not the same. He also has a wife and this may be irrational, but I’m afraid of her loving her as a mother more than me. I never was before, but now that she wants to live with them my stupid feelings are hurt. Ugh I feel so selfish inside.

I don’t think it’s fair he’s had the convo with her with out speaking to you first. Sorry I can’t imagine how upset you must be feeling ❤️

As hurtful as it is I think this way more than the relationship she has with you but more about the lack of relationship with her father . She clearly feels safe enough with the relationship she has with you to say this.

I would maybe do a trial the novelty will probably ware of rather quickly and soon want the stability that you provide . X

she’s just craving a father figure. she probably thinks it’s her way to spend more time with him and that you would make more of effort in going to visit than he does and in some way she’d then have more of both of you. she’ll definitely be back though. once she goes through puberty and wants he more womanly she’ll want her momma. It’ll hurt but it will get better and it won’t last forever.

Don’t give in. You know her best. And are most likely doing what’s best for her. Especially if he’s not been there all this time and not been very reliable. ❤️

I don’t know if they talk about me. She’s never said anything. It more or less is just normal pre teen/teen parent annoyance here and there. I did ask her those things and she said she has thought about just doing holiday and summer breaks, but that she mainly just wants to try living with him.

First I would make sure her dad and his wife are completely sure they want the daughter to go live with them. Secondly, they all have good relationships, ur daughter with her dads wife and kids, only then I would let her go and “try it out”. but I would still make sure she knows she still has you if she changes her mind. Ur feelings are completely valid and understandable. Im sure ur daughter still loves you, she just misses her dad.

They do all have decent relationships. They all seem ok with everything. It wouldn’t be until summer, so it’s not an immediate thing.

There is nothing wrong with your feelings. You’re her mom and nothing will ever change that. You have been the one to take care of her all this time. And she won’t forget that. Believe me. I don’t think you sound like the mom to see your child 1-3 times a year if she was to move in with him either. And that’s the important part is to keep the communication and bond as strong as you can. As far as his wife goes, I feel that as long as she is a good woman and genuinely loves your daughter there is nothing wrong with them forming a mother daughter bond. It takes a village and it’s very rare that step parents and children have an amazing relationship so I wouldn’t want to take that from her if it’s a healthy relationship and she’s not just trying to win your daughter over with gifts and things. Also I agree that it wasn’t okay for him to have to at conversation with an impressionable child without talking to you first. This is a conversation that you, y’all’s daughter and him

^have together. It sounds like he was looking for a way to hurt you too. Kids do understand more than we think and I think that having a conversation with her not to necessarily persuade her not to go, but to let her know the possibilities of what could possibly happen since he’s not that involved now would be a good idea. And I would ask her if she truly wants to go and why or if it’s just because her daddy wants her to come.

Could you compromise and suggest she go to his during summer break and live with you during the school year? That's what we did when I was a kid. We came to his for Christmas and summer break and lived with our mom the rest of the year.

She has tried this in the past and he hasn’t shown up to pick her up. It’s very possible that he may do the same this time too, but their is no garuntee with him. Sometimes he shows up just because he wants to do something to me or try to manipulate me. I think that’s why she’s thinking this way because she knows I will pick her up and take her on my time, so she’ll get more time with him if she lives with him instead.

Some may think I’m crazy for not saying no because he does bail on promises, but I believe in letting her make her decisions and not ruining our relationship just because of my feelings. She may be 11, but she is very mature and outspoken. So I don’t worry about her not saying something. I’ve taught her to share her feelings no matter what and to let me know if something is wrong. I can always go day or night to pick her up in an emergency and I trust her stepmom that my kid will be cared for until I get there.

If it's something she really wants to do, I would support her and let her know there is always a room at your house if she ever wants to move back.

My parents divorced when I was 12 and I spent various parts of my teenage years living with each parent, it didn't mean I liked one more than the other.