Our little man?

I apologize for the lost post in advance

Hi everyone! I made my post private just in case I know someone in this group and I’m really looking for unbiased perspective. I had my son in September and he is my first baby and I feel like I have done a pretty good job at socializing my son with family and friends. I had a pretty rocky labor and my recovery has hard as well. I did have my family here for support and they were a huge help to my boyfriend, the baby and I. My boyfriends family didn’t check on me as much as I thought they would have which was okay in my head, I didn’t think too much about it.

Now for what i’m struggling with, I’m running into an issue with my boyfriends family members calling my son “their little man” or “their little guy” when they ask how he’s doing. For example, they’ll text my boyfriend and say “ how is our little man doing”, “What is our little guy doing” and a few other sayings. To explain a little further and for everyone to have a better understanding; I’m not super close to his family but I don’t have a bad relationship with them at all. We all get along when we’re together but his family lives in another state so it’s not like we’re around them all the time. Another thing I do want to point out is his sister and I aren’t really close, we are civil towards each other but it’s not where I would have liked for it to be at. I have tried telling her (on multiple occasions) if she ever wanted to facetime me so she could see the baby then she is more than welcome to but she never did/does, she had her mom facetime her when their mom visited and she has my boyfriend facetime her instead.

I’m just kind of lost with these feelings and I wonder if i’m overreacting. I just feel like with his family not being there as much as i thought they would have been and with his family doing this our little man stuff (his extended family does it as well?), it just feels like their claiming my son and my boyfriend as if I’m not a part of the package as well. i’ve kind of talked to my boyfriend about it but i’m finding out more and more of his family keep calling my son their little guy etc and i’m not even close with some of them.

Thank you in advance and thank you for taking the time to read this

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I think your feelings are totally valid!!

My MIL (who I am close to / have a relationship with) has on two occasions asked “how is MY baby” and it rubbed me the really wrong way. I know she didn’t mean it ill willed or anything but like you I had a hard birth / recovery and I personally don’t feel like anyone has the right to call him “my baby” except my husband / I.

Everyone has their own boundaries - and yours are you don’t want them to refer to him as “their little man” and I think that’s fair! They weren’t there when you conceived, they didn’t grow him for 9ish months, they did not go through the struggles of labor. It’s up to YOU what you’re comfortable with since he’s YOUR son.

I think your feelings are totally valid, but you also have to ask yourself if this topic is worth a fight. If they really aren’t that involved and live in a different state, the contact might start to dwindle as time goes on. My grandma always taught me to pick my battles carefully. Again, everything you’re feeling makes sense and I’d be pissed off also in your shoes, but it might not be worth the fight.

Yeah my mom did this and it annoyed me lol I don’t even think the closeness of the relationship matters. But as others have said, probably not worth the fight. They’re not coming from a bad place (I don’t think), it’s just a little annoyance.

I get it I also hate the comments of “I don’t want to give you back” or “I wish I could keep you here”. It’s my baby and those comments always make me upset

I am right there with you. Every time I talk to my MIL it’s always “how’s my boy doing” or “how’s my baby”. I snapped after a few times and told her her baby is just fine and he’ll be home from work in a few hours. She still does it and it makes me see red every time. My brother said it once too and I simply said “oh did you push him out of your vagina?” And he got the message pretty quick. If only my MIL was as perceptive 🙄

lol when my MIL did it. I replied not sure how *insert her youngest sons name* is but MY baby is doing great. But like you didn’t get memo.

it must be a MIL thing cause my mom hasn’t said anything along these lines. But it’s every single time we FT or call my mil

Thank you so much everyone ❤️ i actually really like your guys perspective, i tried talking to someone about the situation and they basically told me that it was okay for his family to check in on the baby. I think everyone on here knows I am okay with his family checking on the baby it’s just how they are checking on him. I also think it’s really weird that an aunt that I have had one interaction with cause my son her little guy.

We’re visiting them at the end of the month and i’m almost nervous for it because i have a feeling that i will have to set those boundaries (like kissing baby) in place and i know they won’t like it, i just know i’m okay with sounding like a broken record

Just make sure you and your boyfriend are united on that front. Especially the no kissing. His family is going to be offended but they’ll get over it as long as it’s coming from both of you. Best of luck ❤️!

Basically same as the first post. It made me physically HOT when my MIL and SIL called my daughter her baby. It was especially worse when I was dealing with baby blues and as soon as I had her, nobody asked how I was feeling/doing. She’s 5 weeks now and they still say it but it doesn’t bother me as much bc she’s obviously not their baby.

I think your feelings are totally valid but as said you’d benefit to ask yourself if this is worth a fight, and maybe also why you feel this way.
As far as the sister, I actually relate much with her because I’m a little awkward and when I read what you were saying about her to me it read more like she’s awkward and uncomfortable so she prefers reaching out directly to her fam members she’s close to. And yes, she definitely needs to work on it cause you guys are family now but I don’t think it’s anything you’ve done.
I’m this awkward with my MIL, even though she’s super helpful and ALWAYS tells me to call her if I need anything, I just feel shy/awkward/whatever you want to call it about reaching and sometimes my man has to coach me and encourage me about feeling free to reach out whenever I need to his mom and stepfather.

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.