Question for 2nd + mamas

Can anyone tell me if you’re more likely to tear or have complications in birth if you had a tear/cut with the first?

I had to have an episiotomy back in November 2021 and I’m due my second in January. I can feel the area is tighter than before and sometimes it can hurt when stretched slightly (like when having sex) and so I just had a thought of oh god what’s it going to be like pushing a baby out 😬

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

I had a 2nd almost 3rd degree tear with my first, my second I had a graze

I don’t think you’re more likely at all

I had an episiotomy and forceps with my eldest
My second was a graze

I don’t think there’s any correlation:)

If anything you're more likely to have fewer issues. As my midwife charmingly put it, it's a 'trodden pathway' 😬

I personally had a very easy second birth after my first being a bit of a car crash with back labour, failed ventouse and then forceps and an episiotomy. Second baby needed no interventions despite being 9lb 9oz and I didn't even need a stitch.

A couple of friends have had accidental home births because three second or third baby was so keen to get out.

Haha thank you all, that’s eased my mind a wee bit 😅

Yes I also had a car crash of a first birth with baby being back to back, failed epidural and ended up with episiotomy and vacuum assisted so I’m hoping this time is a little easier…but not accidental home birth easier 😂

your first and second labours sound identical to mine haha!!

These comments are so reassuring to read 😅
I’m very anxious of having a repeat experience of my first labour (unmedicated, generous episiotomy and forceps delivery, with a haemorrhage thrown in for good measure) anything would be nicer in comparison!

I had a 2nd degree tears and episiotomy with my first (forcep delivery) my second I had grazes and my episiotomy from my first opened a bit so it was classed as 2nd degree again but was no where near as uncomfortable compared to my first

in our community

circumcision

are we circumcising our boys? or leaving that to dad?

Routines?

When did you start to introduce your baby’s routine? Do they just have a night routine or full day routine? Wondering when I should start this e.g naps at the same time everyday.

Any routines you have that work for you, please let me know them with timestamps. my baby is 6 weeks and just wondering when we should start them?

I think Motherhood has made me more bitter than I realized…

This is such a ramble but I don’t know where else to put it all.

I’m four months in and I don’t really have hobbies right now. I don’t do anything for myself except maybe doomscrolling or listening to a podcast while I breastfeed my baby. I used to craft and have game nights with friends. Activities that usually are at least 2 hour stretches. Now if I have an hour free my mind immediately goes to baby, or doing something in the house for baby.

And I thought I didn’t mind. Like I knew postpartum could be very mentally consuming. But I think it’s altering how I view people around me and it’s prodding at my relationship with my husband.

He spends most of his time making food for us, looking after our dogs, playing with the baby, ect. But he still has time for his hobby. Spends maybe an hour a night on it. Even adapted to using a bot for shopping for his hobby after a certain incident where we had to have a heart to heart after he left me home alone with the baby for hours during a busy workday (I work from home) to shop for his hobby.

And yet there’s like this little green eyed monster in me that rages every time I know he’s running off to start up the bot. Even though I’m the reason he does it this way.

We took a family trip last weekend to see his best friend and their kids and let them meet the baby. He brought the laptop. He’s always brought a laptop on trips and it’s never been a problem to me before. But one night we both woke up while the baby was still asleep, and he wandered out of the room. I tried to fall back asleep but couldn’t. So I went to the kitchen to try having something warm to drink to settle me. And he was there at the table running the bot from his laptop. I flipped out at him. But there really wasn’t reason to. It’s not like I needed help with the baby and he was ignoring me. He wasn’t avoiding our friends. He was just awake and unable to sleep and found something to do with his time. Yet my snap reaction was “why the hell would you do this on a family trip?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the less complete sleep from baby’s middle of the night feed? My brain being just consumed by baby? Maybe I’m not as over that shopping incident as I thought? But I’m just so annoyed at his hobby right now. The green eyed monster thinks “you could be using that time differently” but realistically to do what exactly??? Stare at our baby in the dark???

I spent probably an hour apologizing to him after I snapped. And he’s of course hurt and frustrated because I said some very mean things in the moment.

I don’t want to be this jealous, angry person. But I also don’t know how to find time for myself in this right now outside of basic hygiene. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be myself, even if just for an hour.

Maybe I need a therapist.

Complicated pp

I’m 4 weeks pp; am I the only one that has a uti and clit kinda went inward?? I’m waiting the 6 weeks but I have used a vibrator and I have a hard time feeling anything

Stroller

Hey,

Baby is getting slightly too heavy for his travel system now.

I was just wondering want strollers people recommended. Thank you

Do men really enjoy fellatio?

Been together more than 10 years, but it's been a while since he even seemed remotely interested in me getting on my knees, or vice versa so to speak. I think it was once last year. Must be something I am doing wrong 🤔. Generally everything else in that department is great and we have two young kids with no extra support, so it's quite surprising we can't keep our hands off each other but may need to try new things. It's basically 2 positions each time with some foreplay.