Mother-in-love being overly opinionated/ vent

So, my husband and I were born in Jamaica 🇯🇲. We are coming up on 3 years of marriage and 8 years together, which was our son's due date, but he came 8 days early. I have always noticed how my mother in love acts with my husband and the way she communicates. Her communicating style doesn't work with me because you're not gonna to me side ways and expect respect. I have seen my husband put his foot down a couple of times, but there i think there is a permanent boundary that needs to be established.
Fast forward to having a 5 day old son, she comments and everything litterally. Basically saying we are young and don't know what we are doing. Very insensitive if you ask me.

First, she stated that the name of our son sounds old. I let it slide cause at this point that's his name, and I never asked her views on his name. We are in a house, and the baby has no socks. She insists he needs to have socks on. I explained it's warm inside and he kicked off the socks. We have established baby boy don't like swaddling, not even the blanket hanging on his feet, but we go the extra mile to ensure he is warm but not too warm. She goes to say I will feel when the baby catches a cold, I didn't take the comment too well.
The last straw for me was when she asked about a picture when the baby had a pacifier in his mouth. We have it on hand for when he gets fussy while trying to latch. So he is not sucking on it for not even two mins. I just feel like just because I am a first-time mom, she is condescending, reminding me she did it before, like at this point, you could mother 10 babies, and each experience will be different. I get defensive and annoyed, pretty easy, so hearing her and all the remarks for sure made me furious.
I asked my husband to talk to her and keep all her comments to herself unless asked. She even went as far as to tell me to ensure I am not giving the baby unnecessary vaccines. Am I just tripping, or is she doing too much fr.
What would you do if you were in my shoes?

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Sounds like my mum and every other aunty that has come in contact with baby. Constantly complaining about baby not wearing a hat INDOORS (duh I don’t want her to overheat) 😳, hands being cold (well duh their circulation isn’t great), crying (because she’s hungry when she’s literally just eaten)
You’re not tripping. I had to tell my mum off the other day and tell her she’s doing too much. I know she’s only trying to help but it does get too much and seem like they are criticising everything. I’m not a first time mum so I can only imagine how much she’s getting onto you. It’s annoying because they haven’t mothered a baby in decades but expect that their mothering style is valid today. I say let her know how you feel and set boundaries otherwise it will continue and only get worse over time. You need to let her know “yes this is my first child, and i need to be allowed to enjoy my child without constant criticism from you. Be allowed to make my own mistakes and learn from them”

Facts I appreciate that, because I know I am not crazy. I asked my husband to talk to her. If she doesn't am stop am gonna ask her to be a grandmother and let me enjoy being a first time mom. I am 25 years old and I have sense to ask questions if I have them. My own parents don't even act like that, but here she is acting like she got all the answers that I didn't ask for. I could understand if I had questions u know but I don't. She litterally told me to give my 4 day old gripe water because he has gas and doesn't listen to the pediatrician who is a professional.

U just gotta talk to her and ignore her if she keeps doing it. My grandma does this and jts annoying but i just pay no attention to it. Grandparents and parents have a tendency to treat their kids/in laws like theyre still children. Bc thats all they know. I dont think they do it to be mean, they just cant help it and it gives them a sense of. .... well, opportunity to showcase their experience. If she is doung it to be mean tho yhen fuck her lmao.

Lol, I wish I could ignore her, shyt makes my blood boil. Then she says we don't call her, like wtf would I to have her constantly critiquing and having shyt to say about everything. I fo understand what ur saying, but she is being insensitive with the comments, too. Going as far as to say his name sounds old and shyt like . That's his name. If u don't like it, keep it to yourself 💯

Out of all the people that have heard my son's name, only a handful have said "that's a nice name" in response. So I get the name thing. No one has had the nerve to tell me that they don't like it. My MIL works my nerves too. When I was in the hospital a day after giving birth she video calls my husband and I was handed the baby to feed him and he thinks it's a good idea to flip the camera on his phone to be on me and his mom said I'm not holding him right. Um ma'am if I wasn't holding him right he'd be falling and you have not breastfed a child in over 20 years, bye. My mom had to jump in and say something cause she knows how I was going to respond which probably would've made our relationship even worse. I can't stand her. She keeps giving my husband advice and gets upset when I dismiss it. Idc, they're outdated and there's new and better ways to do stuff, new research to back it up. When I remind my husband of this he gets annoyed but he'll get over it. Maybe you can tell her that next time she oversteps

Omg this is me literally. My husband doesn't let anything bother not like that. I will tell her to keep her comments to herself. Am sick of it. you're absolutely right about their methods being outdated. She literally told me no milk was coming out, and that's y he keeps crying . I can't hide my expression on my face, so I just look away. I was so mad I could cry.

When they came and spent a night I went to my daughters play room to breastfeed. I wasn't opening the door to her giving her 2 cents. I knew what to expect and didn't give the opportunity. Gotta try to think a step ahead. I can't stand unsolicited advice

The crazy thing is that this is all over the phone. I would loose it if she was actually under the same roof. Like I love her and all, but it's just freaking too much. Like you can't keep poking the beast and expect the beast not to respond. My husband already told her we got it so she can stop. If I call her and she starts with that bull I'm gonna ask her to be a grandmother and enjoy looking at her grandson and keep her unsolicited advice to herself. Let me be the mom to my child respectfully . However, she takes it that is her business. I will not worry about anyone's feelings who don't take my feelings into consideration.

I definitely feel like you should put her in her place but let hubs know before you do so he's not caught off guard but also so he can defend you when she has a problem with being straightened out. I wasn't thrilled with her coming over but this woman is so uninvolved, she has seen the baby 3 times, he's 3 months old. She saw him when she came over, when we went over and at my BIL baby shower. She has video called a couple times. She will call my husband and without knowing a dam thing start talking about how to care for a baby 🙄 has no idea what is even happening and giving irrelevant advice because it's not even an issue for us. Then telling him I need to drink tea while I breastfeed to help the milk come down, my let down is heavy to begin with and why are you thinking about my boobs on your free time 😫

Facts, I did let my husband know how I felt and asked him to talk to her. What he does with that is on him, lol. I did hear him tell her today we got it while she started to make comments smh. But I would be more direct and list a few boundaries crossed so she knows it's not the first time she is overstepping.

I hope it gets to her at some point, sooner rather than later. Stand your ground and make sure he stays firm too.

Absolutely 💯

Really appreciate all the feedback, I thought I was tripping and clearly am not . Now she is talking about visiting and it's an easy no thanks for me .

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding