Grandma

That’s manipulation.

Stick firm to your boundaries and put as much effort in as she does. She will inevitably try to guilt trip you when she doesn’t get attention and just let her know you were letting her take the lead since she was uncomfortable with your boundaries.

I've been working with a therapist to help but I only talk to her once or twice a month. My mom just doesn't seem to understand boundaries. She tells me it feels like I'm against anything she says or does.

Can I dm you? I'm in the same boat as you actually.

of course! ♥️

To be honest. You are the mother! When grandma doesn't understand your rules then she doesn't need to be around your kid. STAND YOUR GROUND.

I have lost plenty of family in my years but I do know 1 thing . Nothing anyone says is a must do its a suggestion. If my gut is telling me I shouldn't then I don't.

It will take time & persistence for her to respect your boundaries. Hold firm once you set them and allow her to experience the consequences of the boundaries. She's had however old you are number of years of not having you set boundaries so it will take time to change that behaviour. You also have to accept that the consequence of you setting boundaries might be that she won't want to to spend as much time with you & your daughter. Some people's pride gets in the way.

you're right! It's the punishing my baby that gets to me.

My whole life and yes it became worse with my daughter involved, cause you want to show her how to have a healthy relationship with you. But years in therapy taught me that sometimes we just have to mourn what we will never have and set those boundaries! It's super hard to stick to but it does get easier the more you stick to it. Don't let the guilt or manipulation mess with you, it definitely will, it did with me but now with my daughter almost an adult she gets it and sees why I had those boundaries in place, to try to protect her from BS. I know it's hard but stick to your guns she will come along if she wants to be a part of your family now.