MIL jealousy issue?

Hi all - we are dealing with my MIL needing to be in competition with my family. None of my family lives here and so if my mom or siblings come in - they stay with us. Also after birth I had my mom stay a month with us to help me and she did everything. She cleaned, cooked, made sure I had water, helped me get in and out of shower if my husband wasn’t home, etc. She was not just sitting around holding baby. She would also go for long walks and hang out in her room to give us just family time. She understood the importance of us bonding and never even asked to hold Bud - just did when we would ask (which wasn’t much because I wanted to always him lol).
My MIL will get mad at my husband and say she deserves everything my mom gets and I. Her head my mom just sits around holding Bud (whose now 14 months). We did Xmas in Florida this year with my family and so she is mad we aren’t spending the night at her house (keep in mind we were in a hotel). My husband told her we don’t want and she got mad and all entitled. How are you guys dealing with jealousy between grandparents? My mom is so easy and even if she doesn’t agree with us, she understands we are the parents and doesn’t judge us or tell us what to do. His mom is all about showing off to her friends and has always been a controlling mom.

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I have the same issue and MIL controls my partner so it’s definitely destroying our relationship not sure how much can take I feel like we live to please her and I have to always take the baby to her house and sit there for 6-7 hours at least twice a week. So she can insult me and sit hold the baby never helps or is polite

ugh I’m sorry! I do acknowledge I have a husband who sees it and calls her out on it and is also frustrated. I’m sorry you are not finding that support. What happens if you just don’t go? I did that in the very beginning when my husband was just starting to see everything.

I could’ve written this myself… following because I don’t know how to deal with it. My husband is getting tired of being in the middle 😕

I am sorry you have this too! What is with MIL’s? My mom is great with my bro and his wife and their baby coming. All I can say is - let’s be a better generation of grandparents when that time comes!

@Sophie twice a week! Wow I thought I was doing too much and I only go once a week lol I dunno how you do it, that's incredible.

I dont have any advice, sorry.
I feel similarly though. My mom lives about 45mins away and inlaws about 15mins away. So I go once a week to my mom's on the weekend because she works. My inlaws expect the same but they're retired and can literally visit any day of the week, but they don't. That bothers me. And my mom doesn't make me feel judged at all but I get so uncomfortable around inlaws because I just feel the judgment from them, judging when we wake up, what me and baby eat etc. Mil even offered to start making food for baby, because she doesn't like what I'm giving baby. My mom doesn't do that and she's a mil too. I have no solutions lol

It’s so frustrating and almost more frustrating realizing how many people are dealing with this weird sense of entitlement. Once my MIL even said ‘if you love your husband you’ll do xyz.’ I said ‘no, if you love your son you’ll realize your place and that is not part of our marriage or family.’ She didnt like having that turned around on her 😂

My only advice is to hold your boundaries with your MIL. Be on the same page with your husband and hold boundaries. You are not responsible for your MIL's feelings about reasonable boundaries.

That we are doing at least. And He’s been supportive and annoyed with his parents. I just wish something else to get them to lost this competition game but I don’t see that happening.

My MIL has been the exact same way since I’ve been pregnant and I’m worried for when little girl is here.

MIL bought my push chair and car seat and my aunt and uncle (who brought me up) came round with a baby bouncer, swing, bath, bath seat and a few other bits and she was hardcore judging what they had bought. Telling me I wouldn’t need certain things or that she could have bought these for me if I’d have told her I needed them (they’re a pretty standard item so I was a little confused) but I didn’t ask for any of this to be bought for me, I could easily have done it for myself.

And now she’s offended that I’m going to have my little girl call my auntie and uncle, nana and grandad, despite them being a mother and father figure all my life!

Honestly I’m just thinking of keeping her at arms length, and worst case scenario, I’ll be cutting her off if her behaviour gets any worse (these aren’t the only issues I have with her at the moment, and my boyfriend is in agreement)

oh no! I would set boundaries and see how it goes. I have taken a break from them (and when I do so does bud because some not treating me right doesn’t get to see my kids) twice- once for 6 weeks and now for over a month. We are close to just calling it quits

All you can do is not play into the jealousy game MIL is trying to play

I hate the competition!!! Why is this so common. I’m scared for all the drama when baby comes 🫠

@Shannon wow you actually said that to her lol amazing

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

BLW Advice!

Did anyone else baby have a hard time with textures when it pertains to solids. My son is 9 months and he still only eats the food that is mashed or puree. Do you think this is a phase? Or does anyone have any tips?

Toddler snacks in the morning ?

Hey.

My 14m is clearly going through a growth spurt. He’s a fussy eater but recently started having two breakfasts with the childminder and that’s even after milk in the morning.

He wakes at 6am and we leave around 7:05am. Has 6oz when he wakes but then is seemly hungry looking for snacks before we leave. The only issue is, he’s a fussy eater and won’t sit and eat fruit etc so struggling to think what I can give him that’s suitable.

Any fussy eater suitable ideas of what I can make or get him to snack on whilst we finish getting ready to get out the door?