Mom's going through divorce/separation/ breakups

What would you do???

My husband of soon to be 6 years (on the 23rd) has recently told me he’s not happy anymore. That our marriage has had a lot of ups and downs and it feels like we’re just existing together. I tried telling him that that’s normal in marriage but I don’t think he really cares. He says he wants to grow individually and become better parents for the kids (8,5,1).

But now he’s either wanting me to go a rent somewhere or he leaves and rents somewhere so we can have space to heal independently. I already moved out of the master bedroom and share a room with our youngest.

I’m still in love with him, and I want to work through this. My parents have told me to not leave just in case he files for divorce. Other people have told me to get back in bed and sleep with him (just sleep). Idk what to do anymore. My heart hurts. Do I put up a wall? Do I move out or stay? Do I keep trying, even if it feels like it’s just gotten worse since I’ve tried?

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Maybe ask him to try couples therapy it couldn’t hurt just to try and see where it gets you maybe having someone make both your feelings feel valued might help

He already expressed he’s not happy anymore. Believe a man when he says things and don’t ever beg for love, we deserve so much more than that.

You have three children. Allow him to look for a place, your kids need a safe place and that is your home.

You got this mama.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. That’s really tough. I think connecting is the important thing. Having things you do together, having alone time- which is tough with 3 kids. Have you asked him if there’s someone else? If one of you moves out, it’s really over. I believe that when people grow separately, they grow apart. If there’s any chance of saving this marriage, then it’s to do the opposite of what he said. But it would take a real commitment from both sides. Ask him if he’s really done or whether he wants to try and save the marriage and if he does want to save it, he can’t up and leave.

Let him go. Do not move out. Maintain regularity for your children. Talk to a women’s legal service or community legal service. Get advice. Pull your family close for support. Also prep yourself INCASE there is a third party. It’s common in these instances.

I would do it but he works 10 hour days then does OT

he’s said that he’s not 100% sure yet, but that he’s done. Which is SUPER confusing

Ya that’s really confusing and it hurts to be in that place. You mentioned that he works like all the time. That, combined with kids, will ruin most marriages, because a relationship requires some time together. Even long distance ones (which my husband and I were before he moved to me) require a lot of phone time. I’d ask him whether he thinks that he gave fixing your relationship a fair shot if he didn’t give you time.

I’d ask him if he was willing to go to couples counseling, if you’re religious and part of a congregation maybe join some groups together if he’s willing? I’d say that is the last ditch effort if he says no and you have expressed that you still want to work things out step back. Do not leave the house. He can go somewhere if he needs to, but your kids are there and it should be a discussion with the kids so they understand what’s going on and understand it has nothing to do with them.

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

Calpol

My mum has just given my 4 year old calpol because he asked for it. He isn’t poorly (although was last week, been fine this week) he just likes the taste of it. My mum didn’t check, didn’t ask, just gave it to him and when I’ve questioned her she said “he asked for it”. Then quizzed 4 year old who said he asked for it because it tastes nice.

How would you react?