How much do your partners go out?

Only time my partner goes out if we go out as couple his choice

Me and my partner both literally don’t go out anymore. It’s very very rare. He works every night, and I work in the day. We don’t even have dates tbh. Last time we had an actual night out together where we drank together was 6 months ago! And I had a night out with a friend 4 months ago. We did plan a date night a couple weeks ago but our daughter was poorly and so was he so that didn’t happen. But no, this isn’t normal and is a lot!! And completely not fair on you. Sounds quite stressful if I’m honest. I think aswell at 35 years old and having a baby you’d have gotten all that stuff out your system! Of course he can drink but not to the point he can’t be a parent the next day. Hope things get better for you xxx

He sounds very selfish and I can say from experience that likely won’t change.

I completely know how you feel! My husband goes out a lot too, and it’s really hard. He used to go away several weekends a month when our little boy was tiny and it caused a lot of resentment. He’s also left us to go out when my little boy is unwell, and he gets soooo hungover and can’t help at all the next day! He’s 37 too so like your partner old enough to know better!!
Have you tried couples counselling? We’ve been doing this for a few months as I was really at breaking point too, and it has helped. My husband still goes out more than I do and drinks a lot more than he should, but he has reduced his social plans and drinking a lot x

You are right to think it’s a lot, me and my partner try to do something once a month, and that’s just us two! Trying to find time to do anything else between two kids and both of us working, it’s hard! I probably go out 3/4 times a year, mainly for birthdays and it’s day drinking, back home in bed by 9. Not all night benders, that’s crazy, especially with children being involved.

does he have a problem with alcohol in general? does he drink in the week eg not when out with his friends? it seems a lot to me,my husband and I go out very rarely and it is in the day together, he has the odd evening out with work colleagues but will never get drunk but will have a few drinks out son wakes still in the night and he always does his fair share of the work

Thank you for your replies, everyone! To answer the question about alcohol , I think he does have a problem. He will often bring drinks back with him to continue drinking at home.

I think a big part of the issue is that everyone I’m surrounded by tells me this is not normal. You guys are telling me this isn’t normal, but he is adamant that all of his friends are like this and feels as though he is being deprived. My friends and family with young children just don’t act like this but because he doesn’t see it in his circle, he labels them as boring and says they must not have any friends! I see it as maybe they just like spending time with their family and like the rest of us, are tired and trying to just juggle life!

I did ask about therapy and he was initially onboard. But then said he thought they would take my side. I then told him he could pick whoever he liked, but he wouldn’t do it.

This sounds like he should be in his 20’s with no partner or responsibilities. Not acceptable for someone who has a young family and no way to be acting when you call him out on it. Sorry your being treated like this

No I don't think that's OK.. it's not fair on you, it's not healthy for him and the older your child gets the more they understand and don't need to be seeing their father in that state. My partner goes out occasionally and gets wasted and is a right off the next day but it's probably twice a year now. The last time he went out I told him he had to have our daughter the next day as I had an appointment...he was hung over and hasn't got that drunk since 🤣

If he doesn't want to do therapy because he thinks they will take your side means he knows what he's doing is wrong but does it anyways because he feels he can. My partner goes out often and I say often because I'm a home buddy but it's literally once or twice a month for no more than 4 to 5 hours. He used to go out for longer until I had a word. Told him I didn't realise that I wanted a child and he didn't and that fixed his behaviour. They will take the piss if you let them. If he doesn't change now, he won't. It's not fair to you. 2 weekends a month? That's mental

In brutal honesty, it sounds like he needs to wake up and accept he has a child and a family at home. That’s not to say he can’t go out - I think it’s super important for you to continue going out separately and as a couple. And how much that is will depend on how you feel as a couple. But going out on benders where he’s out super early and back super late, or vomiting due to drinking ESPECIALLY on Mother’s Day is just not on. It’s selfish behaviour. I think you have every right to feel annoyed xx

To be honest I think the biggest problem you have is the fact he genuinely wants to go out all the time with his friends instead of being at home with you/family.

In my mind that would be a huge problem and unfortunately it’s not something you can force him to change, it has to come within him to see the benefits of spending time at home with his family 👎🏼

That’s so rubbish, so sorry to hear that. As others have said if he’s prioritising going out when he has a sick child at home….he’ll NEVER change unless he chooses to but I wouldn’t wait for that day. Either accept his behaviour and crack on or leave 🥲 Hope your situation gets better ❤️

I know there’s been a lot of comments already but I agree that amount of going out is not normal, that is the social life of someone with no kids or responsibilities! My husband had a spell where a lot of his close friends turned 40 so he had a few extra nights out over a couple of months, but now my friends are turning 40 this year so it’ll be my turn!! 😂 We are both sociable people who like going out, so maybe 1 of us will have 1 night out a month, then we get out just the 2 of us a few times a year, but the point is there’s give and take, equal chance to have breaks. I totally get how horrible hangovers are, but that’s exactly why I only drink 1/4 of what I used to….its not fair on my son or my husband the next day. My husband is the same. I hope he sorts himself out for you and your LO sake, and his own!! x