WFH partner routines

In my opinion he should be helping out too
Not just because he works from home and sometimes plays video games in work times but because being the sole career for a baby/child is a full time job
When do you get time off to chill or have you time? Apart form the odd hour here and there
My partner works full time and overtime and still comes home and helps me out whether it be cleaning if baby has been unsettled or he will look after her for a while whilst I have some time to do what I want and then he will have some time to himself of the xbox then we sort her out for bedtime together

We have 3 children and my husband works from home 3/4 days a week. Regardless of if he’s in the office or not I’ll have dinner ready when he finishes (he doesn’t expect it but I do), and he’ll bath the baby whilst I tidy up and get bedtime bits sorted. He’ll then feed baby and put him to bed, whilst I bath the other 2. Then he puts our middle child to bed and I read with our eldest. It’s a big team effort to get them asleep by 8 is our goal! So we can have time together or me watching my programmes and he plays PlayStation

Even when we had 1 child he did the bath. He doesn’t and never has done night feeds though, now baby takes a bottle of expressed I have asked him to help during the night even at weekends as he is pressured with work in the week and busy. he’ll do a bottle at 10/11 but like you sometimes I’m still awake so doesn’t help much as baby wakes 4 times a night 😴 dying for one solid stretch of sleep!

It’s important for him to have time, but the same for you!

He should definitely be helping you out more, my husband works 2 jobs, his first is mainly WFH 8-4 and whenever he is working and bas “free time” he will always help me with baby or cleaning or cooking. Then he works 5-8 at his other job where he has to go in, but even then when he comes home he still helps me. We split all chores and cooking 50/50, I do more of baby stuff.
Your partner needs to understand that now you have a baby, your priorities and free time have changed, you’re a partnership and need to work together. He needs to help you and make things more convenient for you, not for him. Taking care of a baby is a full time job 24/7 and you deserve a break too.
Definitely have a conversation, and perhaps designate one evening a week where you both get time alone, and then the other evenings you parent together and get a date night in soon to spend some quality time together where you can reconnect.

Every relationship goes through difficulty when you have a baby, it’s a huge life change and it’ can cause you to resent your partner because it feels like their lives have barely changed but as the mum you’re the default parent who’s life has flipped upside down. Which is why communication is so important, you need to express how you feel to him and hopefully it will get better :)

My partner works for the emergency services and still comes home and helps with baby, or if backshift helps before he leaves. In the last 2 months hes had 2 shift night outs and has another night out this weekend. This absolutely doesn't bother me as he puts a shift in then helps me in the evening- these nights are his down time. I also go to bed about 9pm with baby and my partner stays up till around 11pm playing his games or watching tv. I do all the nights (i do BF and cant express!) But i personally don't want my partner up in the night due to the demands of his job he needs to be alert and aware and not exhausted.
Its deff about balance and of course they deserve their down time from work but you also deserve down time.
Maybe talk and come up with a rota where you both get me time and then maybe once a month ask a family member to watch LO so use can spend an evening together ❤️ its an adjustment but you soon get into your stride x

He absolutely needs to step up his game. Why is his downtime more important than yours? My husband is a doctor and despite up to 3 hours of commuting to his stressful job, he comes home and does 90% of the house chores (laundry, sterilising, bins, groceries, general life admin) and he also takes the baby for at least an hour. He considers what I do every day to be much harder work. He wouldn’t dream of playing games if there was something house or baby related that needed doing.

I’m so appalled by all the husbands I’ve heard about pulling this crap - ladies need to expect more in this day and age, we’re not living in the 1950s anymore.

My husband doesnt WFH very often- regardless of WFH or not, after work I let him have 30-40 mins to shower and eat something and have a bit of time to chill then I hand him the baby- he feeds and changes her and they do a contact nap while I tidy up or have a shower or whatever. One of us does dinner while the other one plays with the baby then we swap and one does dishes and one does bath if needed. We take it in turns to do bedtime and night feeds, and on weekends we split the chores and grocery shopping and baby duties. Your husband needs to up his game- when he is playing games during work he could be making lunch for you both or washing the bottles etc. You also ‘worked’ all day but chances are you didnt get a lunch break or a pee in peace! Just hand him the baby and tell him your shift is over 😂

You've been at work all day too. So the childcare should still be split evenly between you, or depending on how tired either one of you are. That's called being a team.

So he gets his me time and you don't? Totally unfair. I was never as exhausted at the end of the day from an office job as I am now. Yes, he has to work, but it's not like you are chilling during the day. It's just different type of work. Leave the baby with him for the weekend and go treat yourself. It will do you good to have some me time, and he'll see taking care of a baby is no joke. You should not have to do this alone. The baby has two parents.

Definitely seems very unfair that you’re doing 100% of the childcare - it’s so much harder than employed work! My partner WFH 2 days a week, and the days he’s in the office I’m so jealous of his 1.5 hour commute time where he just gets to be on his own!

I’m breastfeeding and baby gets one bottle at 10pm which my partner does. My partner also does the majority of nappy changes in the evening and has baby while I get a bath/shower at night. Before we had a baby he did the cooking and I did the cleaning and laundry, and we’ve pretty much kept this routine but he’ll pick up any cleaning jobs I’ve not got round to when he’s home in the evenings.

So sorry you’re feeling this way, looking after babies is the hardest job and sounds like you need more support ❤️

I agree with so many of these responses - it should be 50/50 in the evenings. Childcare is the same as working a full day. I don’t like saying that a partner should ‘help’ because it implies they’re doing us a favour, like when people say a dad is ‘babysitting’ their own child.

Ultimately, he should help more because it’s his child and he should want to help. My husband is WFH and never has a quiet moment in the day, but as soon as he finishes work he does half the workload (or more if he knows I need more of a break). You couldn’t pull him away because he wants to spend as much of his time with his child.

If any father is somehow lucky enough to not have to work every minute of their work hours, then they should be wanting to spend that time contributing to the household, supporting their partner or spending time with their child. I get that everyone needs their own downtime, but mums do too and having a child should be a joint venture for most.

He should be helping and not playing his game.

For instance my hubby is up 5am and home 5-6pm running his own business which is manual
Labour. He then comes in and helps with tea or the baby. He reads bedtime stories and we alternate putting baby to sleep.

He wakes with baby any time after 3am and before 6am when he leaves for work

And on the weekends he helps with things so I’m not tapped out.

I don’t demand this from him. He does it because it’s his child too. I’m doing the full time job of looking after our child in the day.

I feel like I wrote this about my life 😭
It’s been effecting the way I speak and act towards him as I’m so tired, even on weekends I’m still fully the main carer for my son. I get handed the baby if he needs changing even when I just finished going to the toilet, it’s too much.
Will get better soon for you hopefully. ❤️

Thank you so much ladies for taking the time to share your experiences! I'm struggling most with having to telling him or suggesting that something needs to be done. Hate having to tell a grown man what to do! He does chores and cooks but having to ask him to do tummy time or hearing a "I changed the last one, can you do it" when im already busy dking something is just painful.
A lot to think about here...