Sleep aid

For those using white noise, do you leave it in all night?

I have Ollie the Owl sleep aid and it very annoyingly turns off after 20 or so minutes. I try and activate the sensor as much I can before I fall asleep.
I've read that having white noise too loud, too close to baby, or for too long will affect baby's hearing. And now I feel awful as there were times I'd have white noise on my phone while holding baby in arms :/

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All night every night and every nap time. It's in the corner of the cot and i read it should be as loud as a shower would sound. There will be a while generation of babies who hearing is bad if what you read is true! 😄

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Same as Amy, naps and bedtime, all throughout the night.. that’s LOs sleep association (unless on the go in pram or car). I do turn it down tbf and keep it at the other end of the room. Sometimes during the day it’s a bit louder to drown out the noise of the house. Tbh I’ll be more concerned hearing wise when kids start using headphones to listen to music etc. Esp as our TV is louder than LOs white noise! Not to even mention my singing lol 😅

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We have it on low all night, but it's about a metre from baby so not in her cot.

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I had a machine that would switch off every 30 minutes and then as soon as it goes off she would wake up so I recently got one that switches off after 90 mins and it's been a game changer. She sleeps for way longer now. And I think it's a sleepy cue for her when the machine goes on

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I think Motherhood has made me more bitter than I realized…

This is such a ramble but I don’t know where else to put it all.

I’m four months in and I don’t really have hobbies right now. I don’t do anything for myself except maybe doomscrolling or listening to a podcast while I breastfeed my baby. I used to craft and have game nights with friends. Activities that usually are at least 2 hour stretches. Now if I have an hour free my mind immediately goes to baby, or doing something in the house for baby.

And I thought I didn’t mind. Like I knew postpartum could be very mentally consuming. But I think it’s altering how I view people around me and it’s prodding at my relationship with my husband.

He spends most of his time making food for us, looking after our dogs, playing with the baby, ect. But he still has time for his hobby. Spends maybe an hour a night on it. Even adapted to using a bot for shopping for his hobby after a certain incident where we had to have a heart to heart after he left me home alone with the baby for hours during a busy workday (I work from home) to shop for his hobby.

And yet there’s like this little green eyed monster in me that rages every time I know he’s running off to start up the bot. Even though I’m the reason he does it this way.

We took a family trip last weekend to see his best friend and their kids and let them meet the baby. He brought the laptop. He’s always brought a laptop on trips and it’s never been a problem to me before. But one night we both woke up while the baby was still asleep, and he wandered out of the room. I tried to fall back asleep but couldn’t. So I went to the kitchen to try having something warm to drink to settle me. And he was there at the table running the bot from his laptop. I flipped out at him. But there really wasn’t reason to. It’s not like I needed help with the baby and he was ignoring me. He wasn’t avoiding our friends. He was just awake and unable to sleep and found something to do with his time. Yet my snap reaction was “why the hell would you do this on a family trip?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the less complete sleep from baby’s middle of the night feed? My brain being just consumed by baby? Maybe I’m not as over that shopping incident as I thought? But I’m just so annoyed at his hobby right now. The green eyed monster thinks “you could be using that time differently” but realistically to do what exactly??? Stare at our baby in the dark???

I spent probably an hour apologizing to him after I snapped. And he’s of course hurt and frustrated because I said some very mean things in the moment.

I don’t want to be this jealous, angry person. But I also don’t know how to find time for myself in this right now outside of basic hygiene. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be myself, even if just for an hour.

Maybe I need a therapist.

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