Army wife

Is anyone an army wife? My hubby has been in the army for just over 6 years. He has gone away for weeks/months at a time ever since he joined so I am very used to him being away and having a long distance marriage. We now have a 4 1/2 month old and it is so different and a lot harder having him gone.

What do you do to keep yourself busy and get through the days and nights looking after baby alone?

We also don’t have any family nearby, just a couple of friends.

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I just try and keep myself busy and get out of the house. I feel like my little ones routine is better when my husband is away

I wouldn’t know what to say, sorry :( it does sound hard to have to do everything all on your own, sending you so much love!!

Does he miss those milestones and things? Babies grow up super fast! If he’s gone several weeks and months, doesnt he feel sad missing out? And you having to do it all yourself is so difficult, would he want to change careers so he can do more for you guys?

definitely feels like he is missing out but that’s army life. Haha

Not an army wife but I am a solo mum. I make sure we get out of the house at least once a day. Go visit a friend every second day or at least go sit in a cafe with a coffee so you feel like an adult again etc. Join in any local groups - mothers groups, rhyme time at library, swimming lessons to meet other mums, any mums n bubs fitness activities like Kanga, yoga etc are good. I was on the phone to my mum and best friend every day so I’d had an adult conversation - so if you can’t get your partner each day call someone else. Of you’ve had a rough night with bub a morning walk can do wonders even if you are feeling wrecked. If bub simply won’t sleep a car nap or pram nap will usually work and can save your sanity. It’s ok to let bub cry for a moment to quickly regroup. Cook dinner early in the day (ie not at witching hour and not when bub is hungry). A walk during witching hour can calm everyone down.

thanks so much for your response. I do get out almost everyday and am part of a mothers group and take baby to swim lessons and gymnastics. Appreciate the advice for rough days and to call people.

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Cheating 😭

I cheated on my partner of 3 years the other day, our baby is nearly 2. I feel completely awful about it. It was not a planned thing, just an in the moment situation. No excuses or justification, it was wrong. He knows exactly what happened and it’s hurt him so bad. I really want to make it work with my partner and he does with me. We’re so young and in our early 20s. I’m just so worried things will go wrong. Has anyone else been able to make a relationship work after infidelity? 😭

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!