Flighty Partner

Have you sat down and had s heart to heart talk with him about how he is acting and how it's making you feel?

Hi Sherry 🫂 We have talked. We have started couples counselling, only the initial appointment so far. I'm grateful he is on board with that at least. His first reaction is to become defensive no matter how gingerly I approach the topic. This pattern of running away has been his go-to in all previous relationships, too. I feel angry that he just expects he can come and go as if my home is a half-way house. He is preparing his home for sale and aside from a mattress on the floor - there is nothing there! We are both working hard, lots of overtime. I know we are both tired. I need more and I'm at breaking point.

The first few times he run off, I was accepting of his need for space and respite. But now it just feels like he's having a laugh at my expense. That he thinks I'll keep tolerating. It's causing me deep emotional turmoil. This pregnancy is something we both wanted very much. And I am so often alone with it. It doesn't feel fair or right.

I hear you sister. I’ve been having to look inward for strength,‘often. I’m trying to see it as a way to get stronger than I ever have been, but it’s unfortunate when we feel we can’t lean on our partners. I’m sorry this is happening to you :( men deal with the stress of our pregnancies in weird ways sometimes,’and it can be very hurtful. You’re so strong, I hope you guys are able to talk it out and you start to feel more supported ! Maybe reach out to family or friends who could help ? I’ve been doing that too (it’s hard for me to ask for help), but it really helps ❤️❤️

I would give him an ultimatum he either works with you for the greater good and priority of your child and you guys as a family or for the rest of the duration of the pregnancy please not be around and coming go and be doing what he's doing or stay at a family members or friends house you trust and that respect you and your decisions. This isn't good for you and baby,I'm sorry but it's the truth mama he needs to see that it isn't think of the one that's really being hurt it's both of you but it's truly that little precious baby. 🫂💖 Hang in there mama I'm always here to talk and vent to,J have 3 kids they are worth every pain,aches and sacrifice.

@Brittani Thank you for your words. He is attuned in so many ways... but it feels like he needs even more emotional support than I do at the moment and the well is running dry from trying to keep us both afloat.

@Sherry I have given ultimatums in the past and I always relent. Thinking maybe if I accept his status that might create an environment for his healing and mine. Our growth through it all. But time and time again, it ends with me seeing his headlights reverse out of the driveway.

I feel a fool. It seems he romanticised the idea of having a baby... He has a daughter from a teenage pregnancy and a part of me thinks his mind has gone back to the shock of that time...

I. Just. Don't. Know. 💔

Thank you for saying what I needed to read.

I'm sorry girl that your feeling so many feelings and dealing with this stressful situation. My husband has three kids from two other women before me,2 with a woman before his ex wife before who he has his 3rd kid. I understand your feelings and your not alone,it's not easy to know that they have a kid(s) with another woman other then you. He doesn't have custody of any of them but does have visitation but they are very controlling and do under handed shit to get why they want from my husband. They are quite abit older then our kids(mine and his kids) they have 15,16 and 12 almost 13,two boys and a girl. If you ever need to talk or vent mama I'm always here girl,know you not alone and you do have other mama's that understand and feel what your going through.

He hasn't seen the boys in like 3 or 4 years and the girl he saw about a year almost 2 years ago. I do NOT want to get to know either woman period I don't mind the kids getting to know their siblings as long as they respect them,love them and don't corrupt their mind and teach them negative and wrong ways to treat a woman.

@Sherry Wow, mate - you're a strong woman. And well within your rights to have set the boundaries you've set - all things considered, you're being extremely fair & reasonable.

My partner's daughter is now 21 and she is very excited for this pregnancy. She longs to be included every step & even wants to be present for the birth. Has such maturity for her tender years, despite her challenging upbringing. More than that, she is devoted to her big sister role to my 11 year old from my previous relationship.

I feel so blessed in that regard. As you well know, step families take work and we as the chief nurturers are usually the glue that installs rhyme and reason amidst the turbulence.

I just want harmony for our girls to grow and flourish. It's so hard with the other adult being unstable.

I know unconditional love is patient and long suffering... it's just hard not to feel at the end of my tether lately.

@Sherry Thank you so much for your time and input. I already feel less alone 🥹 after only signing up on here today. You have been an angel to me at this time.

I am trying to find how to add you as a friend. X

I don't trust people easily and sorry but not sorry I can't trust someone that's lied,cheated and used my husband. Why I don't and won't meet the women,so called mothers of my husband's first three kids.