Flabbergasted

My fiancés brother (16) saw me texting my brother on my phone. We were talking about my moms surprise 60th birthday party and I asked my brother if he could pick me up the day of. Fiancé isn’t going because he works that day.

I’m assuming my BIL saw his name pop up on my phone when I put it back down waiting for a reply (my brothers name in my phone is diabetes. It’s been that way since he got diagnosed with diabetes so 11 years now)

Long story short fiancé and I were at his dads house for dinner. Fiancé went outside for a smoke with his dad and that’s when I was messaging my brother. BIL, SIL and MIL are sitting at the table as well. My brother texted back and BIL is just looking at me weird and said “who just texted you eh” and I said in a confused tone “my brother” not really knowing why he cares.

Fiancé and FIL come back in the house they sit back down at the table and BIL says in front of everyone to his brother “your fiancé is texting a guy” and I looked at my fiancé and I said “I’m messaging my brother” and BIL says “I would check her phone if I were you. Give him your phone if you have nothing to hide” and my fiancé told his brother to stop and we’ll discuss it when him and I are back at our place to talk privately.

BIL started saying “you’re going to marry a cheater, if you wanted to marry a cheater you should’ve stayed with your ex” and I can just feel all eyes on me at this point. I unlock my phone and hand it to my fiancé and I said “tell everyone who I’m supposedly cheating on with you” and fiancé looks and said “she’s messaging her brother abut their moms birthday and if he can pick her up”.

I looked at my BIL and said “if I was cheating the first sign would be me taking his Face ID out of my phone and changing my password. He goes on my phone whenever he wants” and BIL just scoffed and said “that doesn’t prove anything” and then FIL jumped in and said “(BIL name) that’s enough she’s texting her brother” and BIL stormed off to his bedroom.

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Ew I wouldn’t talk to BIL

Lmao tbh I probably would’ve told him to eat a 🍆 🤗

He sounds like one of those young boys that are watching those horrible podcasts about how to be an “alpha male”. It teaches them that all women are cheaters and liars and tells them to request paternity tests even if you “trust” your wife

Bleh. No bueno.

Frankly, I'd hate that BIL until I'd taught him a lesson and he actually realized his mistakes and apologised.

I would want to know where that’s coming from. I don’t think it’s normal for a SO family member to start pointing fingers and accusing of something like that unless they have a problem with you or you did something similar before. I would definitely have a talk with the fiancée about that because of how disrespectful the whole situation was and he have to set boundaries with his brother,and if the brother is concerned about anything it should be addressed in private not in front of the whole family. This taking in consideration he’s only 16

this is off topic from the post, but goes with what you just said. Some woman at my husband’s work asked my husband how he knew that my husband and i’s baby was his. My husband responded with, “she looks exactly like me.” (Our daughter.) “and we know exactly what day we conceived her.” Because we do. We were trying for a kid for a little bit. But what a weird question for his coworker to ask.

fr that’s so weird like why do they think that’s a normal thing to ask?? Also it’s none of their business honestly. There’s so many way ppl can have babies nowadays too

bil sounds like he's projecting

Maybe he has a crush on you…

I would cut the BIL off seem like he’s jealous of your marriage

BIL is always trying to start problems between his brother and I. I’ve started putting him in his place and call him out in his shitty behaviour. He constantly tells me his brother is cheating on me too at work, unless my fiancé is gay because he’s in the construction industry😅
I thinks BIL is projecting his hatred towards MIL onto me (she’s his dads gf. Fiancé, BIL and SIL’s mom passed away). MIL treats him like shit to say the least. I used to do everything for the kid, I’ve known him since he was 12 (turning 13) and he’s 15 (turning 16).
He came to my 25th birthday, we invited him so he could get out of the house. BIL got very drunk (got permission from his dad if he could drink and he said okay) and he started saying shit about his fiancé is cheating on me, I’m cheating on him. Had to call FIL to come pick up his son.
I was just super taken aback when he said it, probably wanted to embarrass me but he ended up being embarrassed

LOL his brother has been saying that since we first stated dating😂

OMG we had to explain genetics to his sister who’s 17. Her brother and I have 2 children together. Fiancé had black hair and I have chestnut brown. Our son has light brown hair and our daughter has black hair. She literally asked me “are you sure (daughter) is (fiancés) because she doesn’t look like (fiancé) and has black hair” and we literally had to explain how genetics work🤦🏼‍♀️

there’s PODCASTS about that?! That’s so messed up! My fiancé isn’t like that cause we’ve literally been next to each other since January 26th 2021 haven’t had one day apart besides when he’d go to work for 8 hours and I’d be at home with my first born that I had in a previous relationship

Holy crap I would not be seeing bil until he apologizes

Hes a BITCH

Tell him to find a bitch cause hes clearly bored and lonely smh

he was dating someone then she broke up with him cause he spent his whole summer back in Ontario and when he came back they hung out and she went though his phone and saw he was messaging a whole bunch of girls he had crushes on before he met her. Even on their relationship he’d tell her that her face is pretty but her body isn’t and he has many “bitches” in Ontario. And he was constantly hanging out with one girl everyday and she told him how it made her feel and he said “I’m sorry she has the body that you want”.

Yea and sadly they’re super popular with teenage boys :( and insecure older men

Yes some siblings look similar. Some don’t. My youngest sister looks a lot like our grandma on my dad’s side. I look most like our mom. The middle sister looks most like our dad. But at the same time we all have certain things about us that are similar. We all come from the same parents.

Sounds like he’s jealous of you guys

I don’t know why, he’s seen our life. We had 2 children back to back, well 13 months apart, can’t afford to go out. I wish I had his life being 16 again and only responsibility I have is school and work

So he saw you messaging someone in your phone under the name DIABETES and thought “that must be her side piece” 😂😂😂 I’m sorry I know it’s not funny and he’s an idiot and I would’ve popped off but that added detail is killing me rn

You said how old BIL is, but not fiance. Were they really close growing up? Do they spend time together since you've been together? It sounds like he might be jealous and missing his brother. I'm not saying he is in the right at all, this is definitely a huge problem, I just believe that finding the root of the problem can help find a solution. I could also be totally wrong and they've never gotten along and he is just a brat who likes causing issues.

my fiancé is 24, there’s an 8 year gap between them. BIL tells his brother how much he hates him and that he could careless about him. Says that about his whole family. We’ve only been together since 2021. Fiancé has had other girlfriends and I’ve spoken to his ex girlfriend before (she has a cottage on the same lake as him) and said that his brother has always been like that and fiancé has told her stories about BIL. The same stories he has told me. I was there when their mom passed away and it’s like a switch flipped in BIL. He became more mouthy and ever since he moved it’s gotten worse.

he says that their relationship was very toxic and fiancé had it coming🤷🏼‍♀️ thank you, I kind of wanted to make BIL look dumb for accusing me of that

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.