“cleaning for CPS”

i keep seeing these “cleaning” videos on my fb about cleaning mold and piss stained houses before CPS comes. or that one lady on tiktok who lets her kids live in a literal garbage can and there’s cat pee and poo everywhere. i really try not to judge i try to understand that some people really struggle. but i can’t help but loathe these women for allowing their kids to live like that. i get it’s hard. but yall. i became a half time step mom to 2 toddlers and then a new mom to my son. in less than 4 months, all that happened. my bf and i moved 2 months before i had our baby. and when we moved we got his two 3&4 y/o kids half time. so i had that amount of time to adjust to taking care of them and then the baby came. i’m 8 weeks pp. and i struggle with a bit of PPD and with a newborn my anxiety disorder is at an all time high. but seriously. my house has NEVER looked like that. it’s messy, sure. but there isn’t mold or pee all over the place. there isn’t molding food. my dishes are cleaned at least twice a week. the laundry doesn’t always get put away but it’s in baskets and folded. am i the only one who thinks people using their filthy house for views is outrageous? and that allowing their children to live like that is neglectful?

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I try not to judge too but I agree when it's that bad or used for views it's neglectful and gross.

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What's the tiktok name? I never seen those but that sounds disgusting

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amanda rose 🤢

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Amanda Rose is exactly who came to mind when you posted this!

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i swear some women are seeing she’s getting clout for it so they’re trying to do the same

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That's disgusting. It's like one popular influencer gets taken down(jacolyn&wren) and more awful parents pop up.

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I get having a messy house cause I definitely do lol but I have a dog and if he has an accident it's normally my fault cause he hasn't been taken out often enough and also it gets cleaned up immediately. It's so dangerous to leave that around with or without kids.

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If the idea is cleaning so CPS won't find out how you actually live, putting a public record of your shit stained house online for anyone and everyone to see seems counterproductive. 🤷

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Not to say that this doesn't happen in real life, but the majority of these videos are titled like that so you click them. It's to make you mad because a lot of people will watch and get upset then satisfied by the cleaning. If you watch Amanda rose you will see her videos actually say this and a lot of the mess she has the kids haven't been having access to, like the highchair one she says her highchair hasn't been used in months and that's a part of why it's that bad.

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Yeah there are some really bad homes that are disgusting and not anywhere a baby should be. It's very sad and a very real problem. But the Amanda rose videos are mostly for views, she let's the kids make a mess so she can clean and have content she also cleans hoarding homes. She said In the beginning of her first few videos that she struggles with depression and with that things get bad and fast but you can also see she gets it cleaned pretty fast. It's not ideal to let it get that messy but as someone that also struggles with depression it's easy to let the laundry or dishes pile up. My house has never looked like that but I will admit my laundry needs done lol also my mom works for CPS for a long time and really a messy house is not good but there are messes you can't even imagine and things that are absolutely terrible that some of these poor babies go through. If the parent love them and are making the right changes to be better and provide better I think that is worth something.

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Also I'm not trying to defend Amanda rose I just have seen and heard some really terrible things and living conditions and hers is really not even close to how bad it can be.., sadly

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i grew up in one of those really terrible homes. part time anyway. that’s why im so sensitive to it all. there was a whole in the bathroom floor that literally animals would peak through. soap residue and mold all over the shower walls. no finished flooring which made the floors hard to clean i didn’t even wash my hands there bc it seemed so pointless to me as a child. the laundry had mildew soaked clothes in every corner. both the bedroom had holes in the walls and ceiling. one of the windows was completely missing glass. there was a hole in the bedroom i stayed in a lot that birds would come in and out of. along with this one raccoon on occasion. there was ivy growing through every crack inside the house on one side. and the kitchen was past the point of use. no one did anything in there other than store pop. and the kitchen along with the 3rd bedroom above it(that wasn’t used for obvious reason)were falling off the back of the house. sliding down the hill behind us.

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I'm sorry you had to go through that.

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

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4

21

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

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1

26

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

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2

35

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

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19

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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8

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do

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13

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