Bio Mom is triggered I’m pregnant, does it get better?

I’ve been with my now husband for 5 years and have known his kids since they were 3 and 6 (and started dating when they were 4 and 7). I truly empathize with the fact that people don’t usually get married and have kids expecting to later get divorced, and for that, I’m sorry that her life didn’t turn out the way she thought it would. But it drives me crazy that she aims so much of that resentment and hate towards me when I hadn’t even met my husband until years after their divorce. I’ve loved his kids like they’re my own for 5 years and have supported them emotionally, physically, and financially. I have never and will never try to replace their mom, but I genuinely try to be the best stepmom I can be. No matter what I do, I feel like I’m hated for just existing. Over the years, I’ve always been open to the kids, when they have asked or brought it up, that I did want to have kids in the future. I never wanted to be dishonest about that and have them be taken aback when it happened. Last year, when picking my step kids up, I asked to talk with BM privately. I asked her if she would want to grab a drink sometime and work through this any resentment or miscommunication between households so that we could all be in the same page and co parent the kids to the best of our ability. She used this as an opportunity to insult me multiple times, saying she thought my husband and I would’ve broken up multiple times already and that she had concerns about my having a child in the future. Seeing how this initial communication went, I never followed through with asking her out for a drink, as she barely let me speak and showed zero signs of wanting to get along. But my point is, I’ve always been open about wanting to have kids, even if it was going to get an offensive response. She has freaked out with every advancement we’ve made in our lives (dating, moving in together, getting a dog, getting engaged, getting married, etc). Since getting pregnant, she is the worst I’ve seen yet and honestly, it’s adding a lot of stress that I don’t need in my life while pregnant (and trying to sell/buy and home and move). The kids were SO excited when we told them we were pregnant. Recently I’ve been noticing that they’ve acted really differently when we FaceTime to say goodnight while they’re at their moms. We were really excited to show them the newest ultrasound pics (because they had previously been really excited to see them) and they immediately changed the subject and acted so strangely. We brought this up to them the next time we had them and they said they’re mom listens to the FaceTime calls and if they close the door she yells at them and asks what they’re trying to hide from her. They said their mom calls myself and my unborn baby my husbands “new family” and that we won’t have time for the step kids anymore once the baby is born. A few weeks ago she had my husband come take them on her weekend because “they had a hard morning and she needed some space”. Turns out she was mad that they didn’t tell her the gender of the baby and she felt she was entitled to that information. She’s accused my husband of taking the kids off his life insurance (not true). She’s threatened to take us to court for trying to buy a house because “if we can buy a house, we should be paying her more money”. We pay her 1k a week and because of this I have to help pay our mortgage and household expenses while she didn’t have to contribute anything while she was married to him. Plus this amount child support was decided on when she didn’t have a job and the kids were 1 and 4. My husband has never bothered to renegotiate despite us having 50/50 custody now and she has an income. He let her have the house they shared, and even after selling that she still doesn’t even pay her mortgage, her dad does for her. But despite all that, we’ve never wanted her to be in a bad situation or have the kids uncared for at her house. I literally feel like I’m going crazy. And honestly I’m mad. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life and I feel like she’s stealing my energy and happiness. I don’t have anyone in my life who is a stepmom and I feel like no one understands what I’m going through. I can deal with this all now , but I’m scared that it won’t get better once I have my baby. Has anyone gone through something similar? Do you think she’ll simmer down once she just gets used to things being different?

Show your support

I wish my ex can find woman like you uhhhhhh your such a blessing to the kids and to add the children’s mother sounds jealous and bitter and I’m sorry your going thru that

The kids are probably acting different when they are at their moms Bc they probably don’t want to hear the BM mouth or if they say something it will trigger her more. It shouldn’t be her concern that you are pregnant. Sounds like my kids BM who always tells them that I am not their true mother when it’s me that actually cares about them. Give the kids time, there will come a day , when they are older, where they will see how their BM is and they will decide what kind of relationship they want to have with their mother. Sadly, my son won’t talk to his BM Bc he knows that she doesn’t actually care to know how his, she wants to stir up crap. The kids are happy 😊 that your pregnant and that should be enough. BM sounds jealous.

Oof. That lady has all types of issues she needs to sort out on her own. No, I don’t think she will simmer down. Honestly, I don’t think theres anything that you can do that will change any of the situation. You’re an amazing step parent, & I’m sure the kids love you, & I’m also sure the kids can see what a psycho their mom is. I never grew up with a crazy mom, but I have a really great step mother who I really love & cherish. The kids appreciate you I promise you that!!

I hope things get better, but in my experience, it just gets worse in some areas and better in others. I wish you the best. ❤️ You are not alone and I would try to ignore her as much as possible. Enjoy that baby!

@Jill that’s exactly what they said they are worried about. They are scared to tell her things (like the gender of the baby) because she gets mad about it, but then also gets mad when they don’t tell her. Our oldest says she can’t wait till she turns 14 cause she can decide where she spends time, but I feel terrible that me being pregnant has unintentionally caused them so much anxiety!

@Alexandra thank you 💕 we all love each other very much! And I know they will understand in the future (and are already seeing it right now), but sometimes it’s so hard to keep holding out for the future when the present is so difficult! I’m scared with the added stress of having a newborn that it’s all gonna be too much and it’ll affect our relationships

@Christine thank you 💕💕 I’m hoping once I have my baby everything else will just kinda fade away into the background and I can focus on my little peanut hehe

I have been with my husband for five years also. And him and his ex couldn't have kids so they adopted two girls and a boy. Well they divorced in 2015 and we started dating in 2019, her and I used to get along and now we have two girls and a boy of our own. And man is she making our lives miserable! She is remarried too 🤷‍♀️

Unfortunately being in the similar situation it might not get better until her kids are preteen/teenagers and making their own choices. That’s when it changed for my brother, she wanted child support and full custody she asked my nephew first where he want to live and he told his mom he rather stay with his dad and our family. I’m still waiting to see the change with my step son’s mom. It’s draining and gives bitter. I’m currently 25wks and on eggshells wondering if his bm knows about our baby girl yet smh because his maternal family doesn’t support our union nor baby and runs to the bm with all our information

Save sharing ultrasound pics for when the kids are at your house. It puts them in an awkward spot. Make sure to ask them what *they* think the family will look like after the baby is born. Biomom is painting one picture, you're probably painting another, but make sure to give them a looooooong pause to say something. They may have some truly beautiful ideas! They may have some fears you may be able to address and set their minds at ease. Biomom can drink alone. Take those kids out for milkshakes and work on the relationships that actually matter. Congratulations on expanding your family! 🎉

I get it because my husband ex wife try to made our lives so miserable. I meet my husband when my stepdaughters were 8 now 10 year old) and 6(now 8 year old) year old. Me and my husband have a 10 month old together. We have told my stepdaughters that their BM don't need to know anything about their brother. My stepdaughters were with thier BM when I had my son and ask to bring them to hospital to meet him. We said no, because I did not want her near me or ask the girls questions about my son. When my husband text them when they are with BM I ask him not to talk about him, due their mother paid for cell phone. The BM try to send a Jack Russell Terrier puppy to our house right before I was going to get birth. My husband told her big fat no to that due he his allergies to thar dog breed. The BM is crazy and the stepdaughters kind know thar but not really. I do my best to show the girls that I love them and will be there for them, it up to them what they want to do as they get older. Good luck with everything.

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌