Feeling so alone

I am feeling so beyond alone….. before having kids my partner painted this picture- and I mean it was truth based on what I saw in our 15 year relationship. He would wake up early everyday, was productive, we did stuff together, etc! Now that we have a child who is almost 15 months - my partner sleeps in constantly, doing help really or spend time with us. It’s the weekend and he says “I have to work today” meanwhile he worked all day yesterday. I feel I am creating such a beautiful life with my child and having this beautiful moments- however my partner is not part of any of them. He’s a home body and a tech guy- no not gaming- just constantly on the computer “working”. If he was working- and he was paying for everything I would understand however everything is 50/50. My money is mine and his is his- not the way I want it but he believes this is best. I recently went on anxiety meds as I felt so extremely overwhelmed, overstimulated, no time for me, no quality time spent as a family and it caught up to me.

I have had multiple conversations with him where he agrees we need more time together, says that he understands I need more help, etc. however he also gaslights tons and manipulated situations as in I’ll say something that’s bothering me and he just says “ya well me too” without any further conversation. Or he will act a certain way- I will get to the point of exploding and he acts like the hero. It’s very narsasistic and very gaslighting behaviour and iv just had it. Anyone else in this boat? Anyone have tips?

I recently starting going to the gym however getting my partner to bring our son to childcare means I get frustrated comments thrown at me etc making me feel guilt for even going…..

Iv started walking more with my son and listening to podcasts etc

I have been taking anxiety meds which have lifted a weight off my shoulders

My biggest challenge is when one person in the relationship is doing everything they can to better themselves and their situation and the other is doing NOtHiNg!

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Oh my gosh that sounds like too much. Do you have a therapist for you? I am sorry you are going through this really difficult time.

I’m no expert but honestly it sounds like he’s not interested in changing and you are acting almost as a single parent with the burden of trying to get your reluctant partner on board. Would you consider leaving? Or separating for a time and just focusing on you and your precious little one? I’m a single mom myself and frankly it’s nice only having to worry about me and my little guy. It’s a lot of work but less stressful relationship wise. Gaslighting and manipulative behavior is not something to mess with in my opinion. You don’t want your little one to see that modeled and grow up thinking it’s normal for mom to be always sad and anxious and taken advantage of…. I don’t mean to sound harsh, just things to think about.

Again I’m so sorry to hear you going through this. I know it’s really easier said than done to leave abusive relationships. Hugs!

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it sounds incredibly lonely. Unfortunately some men want a wife and baby, they don’t want to be a husband and father. At this point, it seems like communication has broken down. I would suggest couples therapy, but knowing that it may not save your relationship at this point. If he’s not willing to go, that’s your answer. If he’s not willing to change based on what you two work through in therapy, that’s also your answer. You deserve a partner. If you’re already doing it all by yourself, it may be less stressful to not have to also navigate the emotional immaturity of your significant other.

I was in the same boat and still kind of Am. I just sort of established lots of processes for me to make everything easier in terms of bub and household because I'm not getting any help. I'm trying to stay away from conflict because I didn't want to break our family apart based on my own emotions. I also identified lots of traits listening to podcasts and I'm more confident now when it comes to arguments and I can deal with it better. One thing I'm going to tell you it does get easier as your child grows older and gives you more space. If I was you I would wait at least until 4yo. Your little one now is soon going to enter toddler stage which will be super challenging and things might get harder but it does ease out around age 4. Your bub will give you more room to breathe and cope. Partners therapy is a good idea too.

Hey lovely. I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. It’s a tough time anyway on relationships, so you could really do with him being more present right now. It’s a very lonely place when you live with someone but are disconnected in some way.

It sounds like he’s throwing himself into his work, or distracting himself in other ways. Not getting up in the morning like he used to could also be a sign something is up.

Do you know what his childhood was like? Could fatherhood have triggered something in him?

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things for yourself. I appreciate its not the same as having him more there for you though.

Big hugs ❤️

Is he suffering post natal depression? It’s experienced by 1 in 15 men. He’s sounding unhappy and avoidant. Working is a get out. Don’t take on that mental load alone. Therapy may help, for both of you? Xx

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Partner no longer wants baby #2

Before our son was born we originally both wanted minimum 2 kids but we were hoping for 3-4. My partner found the birth traumatic to watch and also struggled a lot with the newborn/baby stage. He no longer wants to have any more children and it’s completely breaking my heart. I need another baby. We’ve spoken about it a lot and the options. He said he wasn’t COMPLETELY closed off to it so I asked him to try and work through his feelings and reconsider his decision. He eventually said he definitely doesn’t want another. I know that I will always want one and my feelings will never change. Do we have to break up or does anyone know anything else I can do to help change his mind? Has anyone else’s partner said this and then changed their mind? I don’t want to break up because I adore him and our life together and I’d hate to split up our family for “selfish” reasons and make my son miss out on having both of us together but I just don’t know what to do