Husband….

This is really sad to read. Not trying to make excuses for him but just interested in his mental state. Did he want a child? Did you plan the pregnancy together? Any chance he could have male post-partum depression?

I get those feelings, I had the same when my youngest was born but hubby was working early starts so even though I was buggered I just kept persevering 😣 it's now a total different level of depression after his eldest son took his own life and then hubby injured his back and had to have surgery, his now been out of work for a year and struggling with his own mental health, depression and drinking above all else 🤷‍♀️

yes, it was planned and very much wanted. It was a very difficult pregnancy for me and the initial pp was riddled with complications. I have tried to be very open with him in talking about how we are feeling or getting him to talk to his mates. He is extremely into his work and this takes most of his attention

If it was me I would look for some simple info on male post partum and leave it around for him to have a look at. Depression isn't well talked about and PP even less so for men so he might need some time to come to terms with how he's feeling.

I don’t have any advice except this isn’t normal:( My partner isn’t even my son’s dad and even he loves and interacts with him. He helps a lot. Cooking dinner 3 nights a week(he works full time & I work 3 days a week). Making bottles, changing nappies, bathing him, whatever. He buys LOTS of toys, as well as clothes and other things he needs. He loves him like his own and that’s honestly the least I’d expect from a dad🥺

My ex is a narcissist and never showed interest or wanted to do anything with the kids. He was more interested in video games than his children. Yes it's due to his own childhood trauma and mental health.
Yet he is not Willing to get help and is fine with doing the bare minimum and making life hell.

If he doesn't change, ask yourself if it would be easier/better without him.

Some people (usually men but some women) do not bond with babies because babies are objectively kinda boring. But are good with toddlers.

yikes. They are human beings not something made to entertain you. I'm concerned about your opinion and it's not a good reason for a father to not do anything.

what has said can happen. She hasn’t said she has personally experienced that. I think your response there is a bit aggressive towards her personally. I do know some people who just didn’t bond with baby’s until they were toddlers. I have seen it more so with men. My husband was involved with our daughter but he admitted to me he didn’t feel connected until she was older. However, this issue sounds like postpartum depression. Which men also do get. I think advice was great. Need to help support your partner through it. Be open with him. I hope that helps.

(The only reason why I have seen a lot of this is I’m a baby of 5 and the elder three are a generation older. I watched theirs and their friend’s marriages closely when I was young.)

I know it happens. Just because it's common doesn't mean it's not awful. It's so sad this happens, babies are the greatest blessing of all 💗

I 100% agree with you. Neither myself nor have said anything against that being sad. I don’t understand why you needed to comment what you did with Ella. She literally just stated something that does happen.

her statement says 'babies are objectively kinda boring'. I don't want this seen as normal and healthy when it's not.

fair enough. I definitely couldn’t see it that way myself. I don’t take it that she see’s it that way. I just personally don’t like seeing mothers shame each other. Especially if this is a post asking for advice. I’m not looking for an argument. I was just simply stating that what she said is how some people can feel. And I guess addressing that I felt you took a personal dig at someone when it’s not necessary. Anyway, I’m not continuing any further with this. I hope you have a lovely evening.

Thank you for the support ladies. I didn't personally have any trouble bonding with my babies. I also didn't think they were boring, it's more that they are relentless.

However I had a husband who had PPD and I've had a few female family members who had it as well. Not everyone bonds straight away. And the fact that so many women think every baby except their own is boring 🤣 is kinda evidence. We are biologically programmed to like our own babies, to bond with them, to keep them alive and love them. When that bonding doesn't come immediately, particularly if paired with ppd, it is absolutely true to say some people perceive babies as boring. It also doesn't mean they can't grow into being awesome loving parents.