Feeling resentment and guilty for resentment

This is going to be a long one so please bear with me.
I have found myself feeling more and more resentful towards my partner. We had our 2nd child in Jan this year and a few months in, his mental health started to decline. This has happened before and he has always struggled in phases (I think with undiagnosed depression) since he was a young teen - he is now early 30's. This time though, he actually did something about it which I am so proud of him for and seeked help which I have suggested he do before. They did confirm they think he has depression and gave him medication, along with some tips. The advice he was given was to take time for himself and get away from situations that trigger him and his low moods. Problem is, the things that trigger him mainly are the kids, specifically our youngest who is still very much a baby and so does cry/winge when he wants stuff or not happy as he has no other way to communicate.
I cannot express how much I want him to get better mentally, but my god I am exhausted. I feel like I'm constantly having to hold it together for the both of us and take over when he gets overwhelmed, as well as being forgiving when he needs to take some time for himself. Here's where I'm going to sound selfish, but I need to let it out.... I feel so angry at times towards him for making me feel like we're not a team and that I need to do the majority of the care for our children. I feel sad that I feel like I haven't been able to enjoy the baby stage of our 2nd (and last) baby. I feel exhausted constantly worrying about how he is feeling and how a situation may make his mood low. Nothing is helped by the fact LO doesn't sleep through the night and wakes VERY early. I almost feel like his depression is now causing my mood to be affected too?! I love this man more than anything in the world and he really is a great person and dad. I know he can't help having depression so I don't want to feel like this, but if I'm honest I'm really struggling.

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Firstly, that doesn't sound selfish. Because he struggles doesn't mean you're not allowed to too. I think you probably need to address a few different issues, 1) if you haven't already, talk to your partner constructively about your needs and find ways in which he can consistently contribute to help you in a way you would feel helped - even if he takes on more chores etc or taking your eldest out or something. 2) see if you can get someone to have them for a little bit so you can have a break, even better if you can go do something together even for a few hours. 3) perhaps investigate a sleep therapist, I've heard them achieve wonders- might help you and your partner feel a bit more resilient to it all. Good luck, I feel for you. Postpartum is hard!!

Thank you for the tips/suggestions, that's really helpful ❤️ I think the last thing you said is the main part of it really. Postpartum is hard at the best of times and it's just making me so emotional anyway, mixed with coming up 8 months of broken sleep it's a lot to deal with!

If a mother has PPD she won’t think to take time away from her baby for a long time (more than for a few hrs) and dump everything on her partner. So it’s the same for the father as well since he’s the parent too. It’s healthy for both of you to take a short break, whether him going to the gym every now and then or you going for a walk, have a nice bath, get a massage etc. where the other parent takes care of the kids in that time. He can’t be away from his kids on extended periods as it’s not fair on you to take all that burden and risk getting yourself into depression. Maybe if the baby is what’s making him feel overwhelmed then he can take the older kid out to a park/playgroup, that way it’s easier for of you guys. Maybe he can get one of those noise cancelling earbuds to he doesn’t get overwhelmed at home easily? And maybe get a cleaner every now and then so if he is taking a break ur not taking more burden at home.

Also, when one of you guys do the night shift, e.g when it’s your turn, he can sleep in another room? So his sleep wont be affected? He sounds like a light sleeper. Hopefully these help x

in our community

If yall still giving your kids processed food, pls seek help

I understand not everybody can afford healthy ingredients all the time, but I’m seeing so many moms on social media giving they kids artificial cereals, coffee, frozen pancakes, velveetta Mac and cheese, hot Cheetos, kraft, the list goes on. I’m sorry but are yall not capable of cooking from scratch or ?? On top of that, if you still using canola and vegetable oil in 2026 you gotta stop. Am I the only one that notices this ???

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Should I respect his wishes??

I’ve been a SAHM for 4 years now and my husband does a great job providing for our family and we never need for anything. With that i still had to sacrifice some wants like shopping when I want getting my hair and nails done regularly so when I can I try to supplement for my wants and savings by selling my craft items at vendor markets and recently I’ve started donating plasma. Which has been consistent income for me. $125 twice a week. Well my husband has expressed that he doesn’t like me donating plasma. He feels like it’s not worth it to put my body through those conditions for $125. He even went out to sell one of his guns today and gave me all the money and told me “I shouldn’t have to donate plasma no more”. That was so sweet but I disagree. I planned on continuing to donate plasma to save for my kids birthdays thats coming up, a trip we have planned and our anniversary. I don’t know what to do. I finally found something that pays something consistently and my husband is against it. What should I do?

Blw

Hi I am running out off ideas on what to make for Lil 14 month old for breakfast lunch and dinner if anyone have any resipes would be great to try my boy with them

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?