Am I ungrateful or is he not doing enough?

I’m really starting to hate my partner for many reasons. My partner is 40 and I am 27. He has 3 kids from a previous marriage. We just had our first child together and is 10 months old. My partner works and I am the SAHM. My partner works M-F 8am-6pm. I’m very grateful that I get to stay at home with my son and am able to raise him. But I feel like a single mom all the time. Between working so much his kids come and spend the night 3 days a week! It’s really annoying because He doesn’t have a set schedule with them. And one day he will just say “hey the kids are staying for the next 3 days” it’s so annoying because I have no time to prepare. I clean the house, I cook, I raise our son basically alone because he works. I need a break! When his kids come over he doesn’t take care of our son! He has no time for me or our son because of his busy schedule but suddenly he has all the time and energy when it comes to them. I have asked him why he doesn’t make an effort for me because I’m his partner and I deserve to be treated atleast to a certain extent. His excuse is “I have no time for you I’m sorry I’m busy with the kids” but he expects me to do all the housewife duties with no emotions in return. And btw he doesn’t ever clean up after his kids when they come over. I’m the one stuck cleaning . He says I’m ungrateful because I ask for his time and attention. He says that he pays the rent and that I should be happy. I only want his love and I want to be appreciated. I feel like a slave and I’m raising our son on my own because he’s busy raising other kids.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Communicate have u expressed this to him xx

Yes he calls me selfish and ungrateful

Honestly, value yourself enough to leave.

He has shown you who he is and where his priorities lie.

He literally said he doesn't have time for you and that you are selfish and ungrateful for wanting to spend time together.

Leave this prick, take your son, and get somewhere safe.

I guarantee you'll be happier without his arse than you are with it.

No judgement but when you first met him you knew he had kids and that’s a big thing because you knew he was going to spend time with he’s kids what makes you think things will change I understand he needs to spend time with your kid as well I don’t know the ages of he’s kids but try to put all the kids to play together and interact with each other that might make things easier for you. If he doesn’t help you with the cleaning do what you can do but don’t try to do everything all the time because you are the one who are the end of the day ends exhausted right now I am on leave but returning back to work soon and trust me I know being at home it’s more exhausting than working so I do admire you because you are raising other kids who are not yours but if you don’t clean your leaving room for one day the world is not going to end. Have time for yourself and if he doesn’t like the house dirty he will end up cleaning it trust me I do that sometimes

Hey girl can you give him set times in the evening that you're going to leave the house and be alone? I wonder if this boundary might be a good starting point for you. I had a hard time with this when my daughter was little because I was always taking care of her, working nights, coming home to barely sleep and he worked M-F long days too. I get you girl but you got more kids to manage.. instead of harboring these bad feelings towards him and being stuck in the house with him and kids where you're overwhelmed, underappreciated, misunderstood, etc.. tell him he is in charge of bedtime for ALL of the kids 1-2 evenings a week. He'll be fine. He is a dad and this is part of his job as a dad. If he tries to make you feel guilty, I don't know what to say but ignore it because, they do that because it's "so hard" to take care of kids without Mom. Not only can you take your break in the evening to reset, come back after the kids are asleep, but also he can gain a different perspective by doing bedtime by himself

in our community

Resentment and placing blame on partner

Firstly, please don’t judge me - I’m aware all my thoughts aren’t rational and I do already feel badly about them

I’m finding myself becoming easily frustrated, annoyed, and placing a lot of blame on my partner for many things. Now I’d get it if he was rubbish but he’s not - he has the baby straight away when he gets home from work, he lets me get ready and shower before he goes to work, he pitches in with the chores and gives me any time I ask for off. He doesn’t go out loads either.

I do a lot of the mental labour - realising we need more of and purchasing clothes, milk, groceries, deciding dinner, cooking, cleaning, thinking about what baby needs, etc.

However I just find myself annoyed and blaming him for so many things I find difficult. I know this isn’t fair, but it’s almost like I’m angry that he’s finding it easy and I’m not. Angry if I’ve just got the baby to sleep and he doesn’t think and closes doors to loudly. Angry when he doesn’t dress baby warm enough, or when he puts him in a car seat with a coat on. When he forgets a blanket or doesn’t wash his hands and plays with him. When hes snoring and I’ve just got the baby to drift off.

We have had many conversations and he has tried to take loads off me but it never feels like enough for me to stop being annoyed with him.

Am I experiencing some sort of post partum mental health issues? I find myself upset and crying a lot. any advice would help.

Nursery lunches?

My daughter is nearly 10 months old and starting nursery next month. I want to send my daughter in with lunches so I know shes eating healthy meals but I'm honestly so lost as to what to put in her little bento lunch box that will keep till lunch time and doesnt need reheating. Ive been doing loads of baby led weaning at home, but I tend to make it fresh or pull stuff from the freezer I've previously made and defrost and reheat.
Could you show me some of the lunches you've been giving your baby? Or have you been been letting the nursery deal with the food?

Parenting 24/7 is harder than going to work full time?

I’m having a debate with my partner as he’s done nothing to help since. Our 14 month old was born, I’ve done it all alone all day and all night. He gets a break when he comes in from work all night I never get a break
He try’s to tell me it’s harder going to work full time 5 days a week than parenting ALONE 24/7?
What do you think

What would u do? What should i do

So to try to explain this in the best way possible I have a very small apartment.
I opened my back door which leads directly to the laundry room of the building. Lately, I started bringing my son in the laundry room with me because he bangs on the door and tries to get out.

Today I opened the door to get my stuff out of the dryer. I saw I guess my neighbor putting stuff in the washer. It’s a very tight space so I closed the door and was planning on going back after he leave instead of crowding up the space with the baby. Plus I was in shorts and had no bra on, it was an older man.

I latched my door with the dead lock as I usually do so that I do not get locked out and I just left it that way without thinking about it.

I turned my back walk maybe about 5-7steps. My apartment is barely 15 steps front to back.
Turn around. Realize my baby is GONE he’s only 16 months!

I start yelling for him. I approach the door and I hear my son laughing…
The man had opened my door to lure my son in the laundry room with him without me knowing!!!!!!!

They were playing 🤯

He was there for no more then 20-30 seconds if that. It happened so fast, he doesn’t speak good English he’s polish
My door usually slams loud when closed, so this was done quietly…..

When I discovered that the man was with my son, I was trying to simply take my kid back in the house, but he continued on playing and I was yelling at my son that he shouldn’t be wondering without me.

No, first off I know for a fact, my son did not open the door number one. It’s very heavy and number two. He doesn’t know how to open doors yet.

And I asked the man straight out did my son open the door and he said no I did.

My son could get the door to open maybe an inch, I know that. So he must have done that and the man just decided to open it and bring my son with him.

I’m so outraged. Annoyed, uncomfortable. I live alone just me and my son.

What do I do?

I don’t know if he is maybe a visitor, I see his car sometimes but usually it’s another person who looks like him with a different car. Maybe my neighbors dad is my best bet.

Anyway. What should I do? Should I bring this to management. Should I approach my neighbor and figure out exactly who that was?

Thanks ladies wish me luck

Potty training ready?

Hello everyone I was wondering if my son may be potty training ready? My son is 17m almost 18m old. He is not afraid of the toilet and actually curious about it. He is always trying to rip off his diaper even when completely dry and once he gets it off he throws it around like 3 times before he walks away. However, I did hear one sign that makes kids potty ready is dry diapers at night. He still fills up those bad boys. So in all of your experiences do you think hes ready?

I live in a small 2 bedroom flat. How do I keep my home smelling nice?

Especially bedroom considering dirty laundry lives in there too. I do laundry once a week because I don’t use enough to do more frequent.
But I just want my room smelling nice and cosy.

The more natural the method the better ladies 😣
I open windows everyday. I don’t get enough sunlight for plants 😭