My husband of 2 years, together 10 won’t sign the divorce paperwork. Long story, I need advice…

I filed uncontested divorce documents a year ago. And he never wants to sign it. Last year in June, I had to kick him out of MY HOME. We’ve been separated for a solid year now. I bought the home we were living in under my name and co-signed with my mom. We weren’t married when I got the house. Anyway our relationship was emotionally abusive for many years. We got married anyway because we always wanted to and we loved each other. Even though we still had lots of issues when it came to finances even before the wedding, I always figured that finances are temporary issues. But not in my case… my husband always took advantage of my compassion and kindness. I gave him money when he was jobless. Btw he never could keep a job for more than a year. He cheated on me several times not physically but he has downloaded the bumble, tinder, hinge several times. I finally caught him texting another woman very crude messages 6 months after the wedding. I fell into a deeeep depression. It was horrible time in my life. I was in a black hole while he was finding the back up supply. Safe to say I was very ignorant to the red flags 🚩 waving in my face. I blame my childhood but that’s a different story. I will take accountability for my reactions to his behavior. But I’m won’t keep blaming myself for the downfall of the relationship. I know where I went wrong but he wants revenge on me. He believes he was never able to achieve his goals because of me. But so many years have passed and he had every chance to leave the relationship for his own sake. He never did.

Fast forward today, I am 34w pregnant with his child. We started couples counseling January 2024. I got pregnant in February. And counseling while pregnant is not easy at all. He managed to tell me things I wish he never told me while carrying his child. Like during our separation he “found love”. He told me that in therapy at 20w. Then after that he told me he had relations with 7 different people during the separation. I too tried to date I had 3 ppl I tried to date. Mainly because I knew what he was up to. I felt horrible after those encounters. I went against my morals. I stopped that dating life quickly. And focused on myself. I was radiating beauty and confidence. Which is why I was open to therapy with my husband. I wanted to learn show where I needed to take accountability for my own actions. I wasn’t perfect. I wasn’t the best wife either. I went through a lot. And I was very reactive to the emotional abuse I went through with him.

So now he is all moved back into the house mainly because we wanted to be United for our child. So we agreed to try this new living arrangement. He moved his stuff in making a big mess in the house….. Food, clothes, etc. just everywhere. And it’s been a 2 weeks since he moved back. It’s still gross and messy here. I hate it. I started building resentment again. I’m doing my best to keep cool. It’s hard and very triggering. it has been very weird between us. He leaves the house and doesn’t come back until 1am or not at all. I have asked him several times where he goes. He just says friends houses… yeah ok.

Last night we fought about his behavior. Smoking weed in my house and not sleeping at the house. It got on my nerves. He said he went to some club In our city that has a gym, restaurant etc. It sounded like it was another lie. He said nothing to me about what time he would be home. I texted him at 11pm. Where are you?! And immediately he got upset at me telling me I’m treating him horribly. It’s my fault our relationship destroyed. It my fault for him possibly *illing himself. It’s My fault if he losses his job. He texted me He wants me to get beat up. And he thinks I should have something taken from me that’s important. He’s going to do something to me. Like wtf unhinged rhetoric is this?! I’m pregnant with his child this is my life right now and I stay crying now at 34w.

If I’m so unbearable then please the papers and move out! Why can’t he just sign the papers. I can’t live like this anymore. I’m done being blamed. And I’m done excusing this behavior. I’m not allowed to react to his behavior directly affecting me. I’m not allowed to be mad around him. I’m not allowed to feel disgusted by the mess he left in my house. AND IM STILL PREGNANT. he doesn’t care if I’m hormonal, raging, and emotional. He never will care. So why can’t he let me go. I’ve poured so much of myself into him. I don’t have money for a lawyer! I wish I did but he drained me for so long over the years.

What do I do?!

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I went through a very rough patch with my bag daddy while pregnant. I say cut him off completely and get the police involved. He sounds dangerous and unhinged. He’s clearly jealous of you & you know your quality of life & peace is best without him. Go no contact and focus on your baby.

If you have texts of him making
Threats to you then file a personal protection order so he can’t come back to the house or he gets arrested. If he won’t sign divorce papers then you probably have to go through the courts.

Sorry to say but this sounds like those crime story “ Estranged Husband k!led his pregnant wife” the threats are not to be toyed with. I think you should gather as much evidence as you can and contact the authorities. Your safety first and make sure your friends and family knows about this and you let him know they are aware of the evil is planning against you.

It sounds like he doesn’t have money for a lawyer either which works in your favor. It’s more complicated now that you’re pregnant, but you can still move forward with the divorce. Since he won’t sign willingly, you’ll need to have him served to legally prove he received the papers. It sounds like he’s abusive so i’d file a protective order as well. Just fyi - if he ends up in jail you’ll be granted your divorce quicker than normal 🤷🏽‍♀️ just throwing that out there.

You can also google legal aid. They’ll help with this process if you qualify

I feel so sorry for you. You need to contact the police and let them know of his threats etc. He sounds very dangerous and I wouldn’t take his words lightly. Protect yourself and your baby and make your family aware ❤️

I’m so so sorry

Deep breath. First - if he said he’s going to k*** himself in the last 24 hours, call the cops and let them know and ask for a 72 hour psych hold. Second, kick him out. Send him a text, post a short letter on the door, and tell him verbally. Give him a few days but tell him he needs to be out by x day. Third, if he has or does threaten you, call the cops, tell them you told him to get out, you own the house, and he has threatened you and ask them to remove him for 24 hours. Fourth, take his threat down to the courthouse, and get a restraining order. You can get one cheap or even free depending on your financial situation. When he shows back up call the cops and show them your order. File the divorce yourself. You can do it free if you qualify. Your county will have instructions online.

thank you! Just need to cut ties all together

I know the way everything sounds he sounds like he would do something bad to me

That sound rough. All the advice on here are spot on. Get police involved, gather evidence, inform family and friends of what's going on and threats he's made. Once hes gone, cut all ties with him and hopefully you'll get a restraining order too. Leave him out of birth certificate if that's an option. He sound like a nasty piece of work.

My ex husband never responded to my divorce papers and I was awarded a divorce by default (CA). I hired a legal assistant who knew the system to file cheaper than an attorney. Everything was filed. I think he had 30 days to respond, he didn’t, he wasn’t given an extension and then I was ordered to take a parenting class and was awarded everything I asked for by default since he didn’t respond.

Sending hugs.
Step 1: document and save all communications especially where he’s threatening you for court
Step 2: emergency protective order (the police will take care of him getting his things out of your house
Step 5: change the locks and add longer screws
Step 4 optional: if he’s abusive or you fear for your life have something to protect yourself in your home in case the restraining order doesn’t work
Step 4: have him served the divorce papers.
Step 5: don’t move him in ever again
Living apart for a year or being separated for 2 years qualifies for a judge to make a decision or. If you’ve done the marriage counseling the judge will likely rule in your favor.

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