Is this fair and what do I do about it?

Tell him you want to review your family’s finances and find a time to sit down and write out the following: list of assets and how much is in each account including retirement accounts, savings accounts. Monthly income from all sources. All debts (mortgage, etc). Monthly bills including on average how much you spend on gas, groceries. Based on this info, discuss a monthly budget and where the money should come from. This is also a good time to review other financial goals (make a plan of how to save money if needed, ensure your will is up to date, close accounts you don’t use, move money into savings accounts, make a plan to make new baby a college savings account, etc).

Where are you getting your money to pay for these things if you stopped working? Do you guys plan on joining finances or continue this type of financial relationship? How long until you run out of money? What will happen once the baby gets here?
I think you guys really need to come together and discuss things as a family. When you go from working to staying at home you can’t be expected to contribute financially if you don’t have money coming in.
I only work a very little amount since having my daughter. Most of the bills have come from my account since before we had a baby. Now he will give me money to keep my balance well over to cover bills and groceries.

@Tara My mum passed away, and I received inheritance. It's not a lot, but it's enough to see me through the next few years unemployed until the kids are all in school and I can go back to work. I need to budget that money though otherwise I'll run out sooner than expected and this is what he doesn't understand. He's sees the money is there now, but doesn't fully understand the concept that it'll dry up a lot sooner if I'm not being careful with it.

@Rebecca I have asked to do this with him several times but he's not all that open about what he's spending, and also doesn't want to see for himself what he's spending! He's very much an ostrich, he will 100% stick his head in the sand rather than face up to anything so as far as he's concerned ignorance is bliss!

You’re a lot better than me because when he first came home and said ‘you owe me half’ I would have kicked him straight in the shin, because absolutely not!!

If you’re getting exactly what you guys need and he decides to go spending frivolously, that’s on him, not you

I would tell him ‘we have the things we need in, I’ve paid my share, these items aren’t needed and in my budget’ he’ll soon stop doing it

@Michelle I'm not confident about sharing an account with him. He impulse buys, he'll buy something just because it's on offer, regardless of whether we need it or not. I'll admit I am quite protective of my money but that's because one of us needs to be sensible with what we have. He'll rely on his Dad to bail him out of debt if he ever needed it but I don't have that same security blanket so I'm a lot more on edge about spending

@Maya I'm really ready to tell him today, he's been out shopping this morning and I'm now waiting for the usual "the shopping cost me this much" and I'll be telling him, no! You're right, it is frivolous! I have no issue at all splitting the cost if it's something worth having. He was raised around money and I wasn't so I appreciate that any food is food, he on the other hand won't eat shops own brand anything 🙈

Okay, for starters I think this is an unhelpful financial relationship, you're married not roommates. But given your arrangement, he should put things on the shopping list he wants and you can find a way to meet his needs or have a talk about it if it doesn't fit in your shopping budget. But ultimately I'd really be pushing to change this arrangement. Grocery shopping is subjective and spend can vary so much. Splitting costs I get, but you essentially have agreed to a limitless "grocery" bill regardless of amount. Good luck x

I’d just say to him ‘when I go food shopping I’ll pay for it because it’s what I choose and can afford, if you want anything further you’ll have to pay for it because I can’t’ - end of conversation. If he moans just say ‘that’s how it is’ no further reply is needed

It really depends on the agreement. For example, I pay for the food shopping in our house and partner pays mortgage, bills etc. if he decides he needs stuff from the shops outside of my usual food shop, I will sometimes pay half depending on what he’s buying. If he buys a lot of stuff that’s more-so for him, he will pay for it. But I’m ok with it because I can afford it. It sounds like you are great with budgeting and this shop he does disrupts that, so you should definitely re-assess finances with your partner and let him know what you pay for and that his extra shop causes you stress. If he’s a decent man he will understand and support you. Update: I just read the comments and in doing so, I think you should tell him he needs to pay for this extra shopping.

You are not working. You shouldn't be paying anything at all. Wtf.
You inheritance is YOUR money. Make investment out of it mama.
You are scarifying your career to care for his kids. Don't waste your money in groceries!!!! He should pay that as he is the breadwinner

I would suggest a joint account to which both of you contribute to the bills you need to pay if that’s food and water contribute that to the account and he deposits what’s needed for bills keep the rest of your money separate he doesn’t seem super financially responsible if he’s not even willing to discuss where the money’s been going. I would also consider putting some of the inheritance money in a guaranteed investment (like a GIC) that has low risk and guarantees a return to try stretch it a bit further. Some of these you can get the money back anytime but some of these lock your money for a specified term so definitely look into the terms before doing anything like this and make sure you’re not putting the money at risk.

I would tell him then that you’ll buy food for you and the kids and he can go but his own. And that since he wants to treat it like a roommate situation then he can start eating like a roommate situation. You’ll cook and clean for you and your kids and he can cook and clean for himself and do his own chores.

that’s not fair..even when my husband and i were dating he never let me pay

I would be putting that money somewhere he doesn't have access.

This is so red flaggy to me.

If you're partners, he should want to work together on managing expenses. A budget is a basic thing all families need.

I'd lead him to the kitchen and show him the half you contributed or retain your receipt and ask for half!

This sounds more like a business than marriage! Sorry

It all depends what you both agreed on. I do think it’s totally fair (and clearly necessary) to have another discussion about it now that some time has passed.

Personally when one person is doing more paid work and one is doing more unpaid work for the family I think it makes the most sense to combine finances and pay almost everything out of that, with a small personal amount for each person that they can spend or save however they want on their hobbies or going out or ‘little luxuries’ the amount that each person gets for their personal money depends on what you expect it to cover and how much disposable income you have after fixed expenses

To me this is madness! My husband pays for everything even during my 6 months of full pay during maternity leave. He’s obviously bitter about the fact you have some inheritance

How can you pay for any of it if you’re not working?
My husband pays for everything as I am not working currently so have no income! When I go back to work I’ll contribute on a ratio based on how much I earn compared to him, which is very little!

This is called financial abuse. You need to find a way to be more stubborn than him because he is jeopardizing you and your family. I agree with Maya, tell him no when he asks for half. At least until he sits down and makes a budget with you