Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

MIL hijacked my baby’s first birthday

My daughter turns one this week. I had a party planned for her ordered decorations and a super nice cake and had a photographer lined up.
My husband told me that he was too busy at work so I should do all the planning for it so I did. Then he decided that he was going to book a flight for us to go visit his mother, for the baby’s birthday. We will land at 11 PM the night before her birthday, which will totally mess up her sleep schedule but that’s besides the point.

His mother planned all the activities for the day of her birthday, including that we are going to the zoo, picking the restaurant we’re going to for dinner, ordering a cake, ordering a smash cake, and ordering a crown for Baby to wear.

I told my therapist I was really upset about this because it’s just a repeat of one year ago when I had birth trauma and had no control and no say over what was happening to me or my baby and now that’s being repeated by my mother-in-law instead of a doctor. She told me to try to add in some of the things I had wanted to do for Baby‘s birthday, like maybe we could use the cake topper or the outfit I got her. Nope, mother-in-law also got a cake topper that she wanted and has an outfit for baby to wear. We also won’t be able to have professional photos taken because it’s too late to book (which also takes me back to Baby‘s birthday, where the nurses told my husband that he couldn’t take photos or video of our baby being born because it was against policy).

I feel like my baby‘s birthday is being stolen from me, AGAIN. Once again, I am just the incubator and nobody cares about my thoughts or feelings or well-being.

My husband doesn’t understand. He says that the baby doesn’t know when her birthday is and we could just celebrate it a different day the way I want to. I know it’s her birthday though. This affects me as well as her. It’s the one year anniversary of my birth trauma. It was really important to me to have some kind of control over this day. He also doesn’t seem to understand that now the cake and the photographer that I had lined up are a waste and we lose the deposit on it. Least I can return the decorations because they haven’t been opened.

My mother-in-law hasn’t met the baby yet because of living so far away and some health complications that she’s had. And I get that, I’m really really really trying to be understanding and be graceful about this but fuck if it doesn’t hurt. Once again I’m the “crazy” one for having strong emotions about this and should just “get over it”.

And of course, my therapist is on vacation this week. Psychiatrist just started me on Zoloft and there’s no way it will kick in in just three days. The depression is getting worse with this compounding the one year anniversary. I just want to run away and not be part of this birthday party thing she’s planned but I don’t want to hurt my daughter so I have to show up. This hurts so badly and nobody cares

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If it was me, I would be pissed too. Its nice for her to make an effort etc but I do feel as though it's over the top considering you have planned her birthday. . I do feel like I would be more annoyed at your other half as he got you to organise it all and it seems like he decided to do something else. which I guess would have been fine if you hadn't ordered and booked stuff. I can't really offer advice, but I hope you guys can work something out.

I would be pissed (my mil does the same shit) that’s inconsiderate and rude. I would be telling her it’s YOUR babies First birthday not hers… your choices are allowed to be included or you can take baby out for the day then if they don’t want comply or compromise…

I’m not about letting them get away with shit anymore. My in-laws barely talked to me.. my mil doesn’t believe in today’s time a hysterectomy can’t just be done anymore (where we live at least)… told her i was buying my daughter makeup for her 3rd bday to play with… what does she do… buys a WHOLE play set of plastic makeup.

Wow. That's not an ok behavior form your mil and from your husband. You are the one who should decide of what you want for your daughter s birthday. Is the trip there mandatory? Did he consult you before buying the flights ?

he told me after he bought them saying he thought it would be a nice surprise

Wow. That's so inconsiderate. What was he thinking... It's your baby first birthday and he should definitely have considered your plans first.
Now that it's done I would just talk to mil telling her you appreciate her efforts but your baby's first birthday is important for you and you would like to make it this way.
Your husband should go to therapy if he doesn't get why it's important to you.

& I'm over here in my feelings because only 2 ppl called to tell happy birthday to my baby yesterday. I get you & what you mean but I'd wish someone cared enough to throw my kids a party 🤔 I'm just a tired momma trying to not fall apart.

Did you communicate that you had already had things planned before going to your MILs?

I would be so pissed af. You can’t talk to MiL directly? It sucks your husband isn’t being understanding especially after having a traumatic birth experience 🤦🏽‍♀️ tbh I would tell him why don’t we spend baby’s birthday doing what I want for her and we can go to MiL some other time “it’s not like the baby knows when the birthday is” so what’s the big deal if MiL sees them a week or two later why do YOU have to be the one to celebrate YOUR babies birthday some other time? It should be the other way around IMO

yep. He said that because mother-in-law hasn’t met the baby yet and because of her health conditions, she should take priority. Which I mean, I understand, it just means I get pushed to the back and de-prioritized again and that hurts

he took time off to spend with the baby for her birthday and the weekend. We had thought we wouldn’t be able to visit MIL because of medical stuff going on, but she got cleared to visit with the baby so my husband decided that the time he took off now needs to be spent there.
And I get it she’s sick and things have been really hard for her and I want her to be able to have this time with the baby which I think is part of why I feel so guilty being upset about this. The woman has cancer and here I am upset that I’m not gonna be able to do my baby‘s birthday the way I wanted to which sounds so selfish and childish and stupid. But there’s a lot of mental and emotional stuff going on that’s making this really really difficult for me and retraumatizing

Babies grow up fast! You one get one chance to see their firsts; you have every single right to be angry. I’m hella petty I would not let my baby go like why do I have to compromise; unless MIL is actively on her death bed she can wait 😅

I would be mad too, but I urge you to have your own separate party and use your decorations and everything you dreamed of for your little one.

You are right it is really overbearing of them and I’m sorry about the traumatic
experience that you had before that.

But please have the party you want to have spend the money and do it ❤️ invite only the people that you want to invite and do it your way❤️❤️

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Resentment and placing blame on partner

Firstly, please don’t judge me - I’m aware all my thoughts aren’t rational and I do already feel badly about them

I’m finding myself becoming easily frustrated, annoyed, and placing a lot of blame on my partner for many things. Now I’d get it if he was rubbish but he’s not - he has the baby straight away when he gets home from work, he lets me get ready and shower before he goes to work, he pitches in with the chores and gives me any time I ask for off. He doesn’t go out loads either.

I do a lot of the mental labour - realising we need more of and purchasing clothes, milk, groceries, deciding dinner, cooking, cleaning, thinking about what baby needs, etc.

However I just find myself annoyed and blaming him for so many things I find difficult. I know this isn’t fair, but it’s almost like I’m angry that he’s finding it easy and I’m not. Angry if I’ve just got the baby to sleep and he doesn’t think and closes doors to loudly. Angry when he doesn’t dress baby warm enough, or when he puts him in a car seat with a coat on. When he forgets a blanket or doesn’t wash his hands and plays with him. When hes snoring and I’ve just got the baby to drift off.

We have had many conversations and he has tried to take loads off me but it never feels like enough for me to stop being annoyed with him.

Am I experiencing some sort of post partum mental health issues? I find myself upset and crying a lot. any advice would help.

Parenting 24/7 is harder than going to work full time?

I’m having a debate with my partner as he’s done nothing to help since. Our 14 month old was born, I’ve done it all alone all day and all night. He gets a break when he comes in from work all night I never get a break
He try’s to tell me it’s harder going to work full time 5 days a week than parenting ALONE 24/7?
What do you think

THIS DUMB 🍑 MF

LET ME BREAK IT DOWN 🤣🤣

THIS MAN DRIVES AN ELECTRIC CAR WHERE HE CAN PLUG HIMSELF IN (NORMALLY DOES TO DO DOORDASH ETC)
AND IT HAD A SPOT TO WIRELESSLY CHARGE
SOME HOW WITH 4 HOURS OF WORKING HE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE 20 BUCKS TO WASH CLOTHS ANOTHER RED FLAG

TWO NIGHTS AGO
HE CLAIMS TO GO OUT TO WORK. HANGS UP ON ME MID CONVERSATION 👀👀

4 HOURS PAST I'M GETTING SLEEPY STILL HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM
IT'S LIKE 1:30AM I TEXT HIM NIGHT I'M MAD CONFUSED ALMOST AN HOUR LATER I ANT HEARD FROM HIM SO I CHECK MY TEXT.
THE SHIT SAYS "PHONE OFFLINE" AND SHOWS THE TIME FRAME MY TEXT DIDN'T SEND
SO I START CALLING TO CONFIRM CAUSE I THOUGHT SOMETHING HAPPENED TO HIM. HE'S BEEN IN 2 CAR ACCIDENTS 👀 NEITHER HIS FAULT

SO I GET FRANTIC MY GUY

3:14 ROLLS AROUND I CALL AGAIN SURPRISE HE PICKS UP.
CLAIMS HIS PHONE DIED WHILE HE'S HANGING OUT AND HAVING A VERY "GOOD" CONVERSATION. HE WON'T TELL ME WHERE HE'S AT OR WHO WITH. MIND YOU THIS MAN CHEATED ON ME WHILE I WAS 33 WEEKS PREGNANT.

SO AT THIS POINT I'M PISSED OFF AND I TELL HIM I'M HANGING UP CAUSE I LOOK STUPID BEING WORRIED.

HE TURNS AROUND WHILE NOT BEING AROUND THIS CHICK AND FINALLY TELLS ME ALL THE DETAILS.

BTW YES WE MIGHT BE POLY BUT HE'S POSTED HIMSELF AS SOLO POLY WHILE LIVING WITH ME!! HE THINKS I'M. STUPID WITH ALSO THIS SNEAKY SHIT.

IF I WAS TO DO WHAT HE'S DOING HE'D LOOSE IT.
BUT I'M ABOUT TO GO OUTSIDE!! CAUSE YOU PLAYING IN MY FACE

What would u do? What should i do

So to try to explain this in the best way possible I have a very small apartment.
I opened my back door which leads directly to the laundry room of the building. Lately, I started bringing my son in the laundry room with me because he bangs on the door and tries to get out.

Today I opened the door to get my stuff out of the dryer. I saw I guess my neighbor putting stuff in the washer. It’s a very tight space so I closed the door and was planning on going back after he leave instead of crowding up the space with the baby. Plus I was in shorts and had no bra on, it was an older man.

I latched my door with the dead lock as I usually do so that I do not get locked out and I just left it that way without thinking about it.

I turned my back walk maybe about 5-7steps. My apartment is barely 15 steps front to back.
Turn around. Realize my baby is GONE he’s only 16 months!

I start yelling for him. I approach the door and I hear my son laughing…
The man had opened my door to lure my son in the laundry room with him without me knowing!!!!!!!

They were playing 🤯

He was there for no more then 20-30 seconds if that. It happened so fast, he doesn’t speak good English he’s polish
My door usually slams loud when closed, so this was done quietly…..

When I discovered that the man was with my son, I was trying to simply take my kid back in the house, but he continued on playing and I was yelling at my son that he shouldn’t be wondering without me.

No, first off I know for a fact, my son did not open the door number one. It’s very heavy and number two. He doesn’t know how to open doors yet.

And I asked the man straight out did my son open the door and he said no I did.

My son could get the door to open maybe an inch, I know that. So he must have done that and the man just decided to open it and bring my son with him.

I’m so outraged. Annoyed, uncomfortable. I live alone just me and my son.

What do I do?

I don’t know if he is maybe a visitor, I see his car sometimes but usually it’s another person who looks like him with a different car. Maybe my neighbors dad is my best bet.

Anyway. What should I do? Should I bring this to management. Should I approach my neighbor and figure out exactly who that was?

Thanks ladies wish me luck

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