Should partners help SAHM financially?

Not financially for you but for your child 100% you didn't make that little baby by yourself and if he contributes more for the baby you'll have your own money for yourself

And you do not owe him money for things purchased for the child either that's ridiculous

I say yes he should but its a conversation that should have been had before having baby

wait this is crazy to me lol as a stay at home mom it’s literally his job to be helping you financially?? when my husband and i were dating he never let me pay for anything, not even beverages with our meals. as a husband he literally pays for my life style and shopping sprees on top of all our living expenses and necessities. this is something you two should’ve discussed before getting together, finances are extremely important and you need to be on the same page. it’s also incredibly disrespectful of him to say “you get a free house!!” yeah..a house YOU take care of and his child in !!

I’m a sahm and yes. Our family solely relies on him for money. It may sound bad for others but it works perfect for us and we like it that way. We both pull our own weight..he works and I do everything else (look after the baby, cook, clean, sort finances, food shop etc). Being a mum is a full time job! As baby gets older I will go back to work. As long as we are both working hard then that’s how it should be. But ofc whatever works for u n ur partner x

Thanks everyone, for those saying we should’ve discussed before having a baby- I was told I couldn’t have kids, it took 15 years to get pregnant so we truly believed that was the case!

Personally, I think it should be a partnership. Y'all are in it together. You are the caretaker of the child/children and the home and what goes in it, and he's a provider. Not just financially, obviously. Me and my man go halves in most things. He goes to work while I'm pregnant with one child and one other who doesn't go to primary yet. He gave me access to his account, and he has mine. While he's at work and his money comes in, I go onto his account and pay for the mortgage and bills and go buy food if we need it and fuel so he doesn't have to do too much when he gets home and he can just chill for a while. This house I had before him, but he was happy to take over the payment while I take care of other stuff in our life.

What is his is yours and vice versa! That's a partnership! It's been like that since day one and we've only been together a couple years. Team work makes the dream work! We both help clean the house, we both help pay the bills, we both cook and clean etc. Being a stay at home mom is a job, an unpaid one. My boyfriend loves taking care of us financially and has since the beginning. Even though it was me and my daughter from a different relationship. It should never be a fight of who contributes more financially it's teamwork. And your partner should want to care/provide for you. And you him

If he's insisted that this is how it's going to be. It sounds like financial abuse to me. I'm not sure if he's like this in other ways but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and your baby momma!

He’s just said “if you’re struggling with money just ask”

I don’t want to have to ask, he’s always asking me if I’ve still got my savings or if I touched them so I know he’s make me feel bad for using it…

I’ll try speak to him later when I’ve calmed down x

It shouldn't be if "you" are struggling with money. It's both of yours. So if you're struggling he should be struggling as well. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to

You said partner in the first sentence. Doesn't seem like a partnership.

Huh? Like, how else can it be? I'm sahm at the moment and we have a joint bank account and bank card each, it's our money. There's no 'just ask', you should have full access to money whenever you need.

If women stay home to help save money for the family because it’s financially cheaper than childcare then why does she have to pay for things in the house and not get any help with finances while being home. This makes no sense to me, hence why I always say always have your own money as a woman.

I feel you, I’m in the same situation right now

I’m a sahm to two under two. We have a joint bank account with separate cards. while most things are discussed- like hey I would like to buy this or that- little things or household necessities are not. I take care of the grocery shopping and if the household is running low on something it gets added to that. Is the babies need something and it’s cheap I get it, if it’s expensive or not a need I discuss it with him first. I do not receive money since stopping my job to become a sahm so I rely on him financially. It is his child too not just yours. Babies will always need something- they grow like crazy that first year. Expecting you to pay him back for things to care for his child is ridiculous to me. What would he do if you were not receiving that money? Those expenses would still need to be covered. And they are a lot less if you are staying home to care for the baby than if you were working and needing daycare.

If he’s working full time and it gives you no time to work, yes, he should be helping you. You both decided to have a baby.

If he’s not willing to help you, then you both need to pay for childcare and go back to work… see how fast he changes his mind

This whole scenario sounds crazy to me! If you’re the stay at home parent, he should absolutely pay for whatever you need. If you still have a source of income then yes you should contribute a bit but not as much as him. Just like he should help with the kids but it naturally won’t be as much as the parent who is home all the time. If he can’t afford the financial load or if he has a bad attitude about doing it, then you shouldn’t be a stay at home mom

Ask him how he likes his free childcare 🙃

What. Sorry didn't read the entire post. The answer is YES. He has to pay for everything. Your job is to take care of the baby. He kept his job because YOU are there to care for your family.
His job is what provides for you and your kids.
Apparently he wants to have a family but not be a partner, nor a dad.

I can never understand men/partners who father children and then watch as their mother, the person they claim to love is significantly worse off because they are home taking care of their kids. It’s different if you were going to work too, but wow! It just baffles me.

I never understand these men that expect the woman to not have a job but still pay her half of the bills/household expenses. Where's that money supposed to come from? If he can't afford to provide for the family, she goes to work, simple. I'll go back to work after my mat leave, in the meantime I'll contribute what I can while keeping a little money for my expenses, everything else he covers because he's literally the one making money.

If you don’t have a job you shouldn’t be paying the bills. Did you both agree for you to become a stay at home mom?

Oh fuck no dude. If you guys are together and you’re only getting 800 a month number one he should be paying everything anyways and number two the 800 should be just for spending for you if you need to do something with the kids maybe grab some stuff from the store while he’s not there just the odds and ends. But to make you literally pay everything for the child with less than 1,000 is just bonkers.

I didn’t even read the whole thing just to the point of he lets you live with him and that’s insane. I mean a lot of people have a debit card to their partners bank account when they’re a SAHM. I personally don’t but if I need something he gets it and he pays every single dollar for these kids since I quit working. Your partner is a loser and it’s financial abuse.

Yeah this is wild.

You shouldn't have to give up your car, job etc, no way is that fair! I'm going back to work next year and the childcare bill will be split 50/50, I've just part exchanged my car aswell! This sounds like a horrible situation to be in, no security in this at all