I’m sad

I understand why it would make you sad. i don’t think a relationship should be based on weight - attraction is 100% a very big part of a relationship but 20lbs isn’t terribly a lot and wouldn’t change your look drastically - of course you’d be bigger but a stone n a half isn’t going to make you look like a completely different person. I think we should all want our partners to be healthy but doing it for completely vain reasons isn’t nice. And him not wanting another baby because he wants you to stay smaller is quite a sad reason. I would work on being healthier in general but do not do it for him, do it for YOURSELF. Eat healthier and more! it sounds counterproductive but your body will hold on to calories and fat if it doesn’t know when you are going to eat again. Also try walking? i know you said your struggling with your back but short walks little and often will help you burn calories without hurting too much❤️ maybe have the conversation with him and help each other be healthy ❤️xx

Eating healthy 3 meals a day won't make you gain weight, although eating 1 meal a day could cause your body to go in survival mode and store more fat.

And just walking or doing workouts at home works just as good as going to the gym.

But I think you and your partner should just talk more in depth about what's going on.

My partner doesn't want me fat, so we have an agreement that after any children I have to lose the weight before another, just so I don't get to point of being too unhealthy.

you’re right. He said he will love me no matter what, but the question of being attracted comes to my mind. Of course I don’t want him to lose that attraction. He’s not being an asshole about my weight, he’s not even flat out saying that’s the reason. But I know it is. I’m struggling big time and was going to ask the doctor about weight loss medication. After research I feel that getting rid of the extra weight will also help with my back.

I just feel like - if you’re in love with someone. Truly in love. And you do not have mutual children together, wouldn’t you want to give them a child? Can something like weight really stop a man if they are truly in love? I’m possibly overthinking here, but that’s how I feel. I look at him and want to give him a baby. He probably looks at me and thinks “she’ll get fatter.”

Im sorry to hear that you’re going through that. Have you considered swimming? I have sprained ligaments in my ankle so i hated the gym cause of that. So i started swimming and doing home workouts, diet is also important too.

And lose weight for yourself not your hubby. It will give you a boost of confidence that might enhance the attraction.

If he is saying that he loves you no matter what then it most likely is in your head - i would trust that he loves you and you may be overthinking❤️ like you said there are weight loss medication options for you if you feel you need them - also you are probably right it will help your back. Also has he given you any reason as to why he doesn’t want another kid? I wouldn’t read into it too much because he could just not want another child for a million reasons. i don’t think you necessarily need a child with someone to prove you love them many happy couples don’t have a baby together or share some non biological children ❤️❤️

You’re saying you THINK it is….he didn’t even say it or mention it? Maybe he has other reasons that he’s not willing to say. If you’d like to know for sure that this is the reason (and it won’t hurt your self esteem even more) then I would ask him. At this point it sounds like assumptions. There’s many other reasons why men won’t want another baby with a woman not just weight.

im definitely going to try swimming. I forgot all about that. Thank you so much. No matter what I would need to get my back sorted before a pregnancy. The problem is with my back is sciatica that hasn’t gone away in 7 months. I can barely walk, sit, or lay down. Even walking too much causes excruciating pain. I am working with a doctor on that, and getting a SECOND injection soon. That’s why I was researching things that would help, and losing weight will.
I agree with you, however I’m not a slob. My appearance has barely changed. Not an excuse but just putting it out there. I’m a picker, I rather pick than eat full meals. When I’m working out I can eat anything and still stay slim. I just can’t do it with my back. With two kids, and two step children I never have time to eat full meals, and by dinner I think oh crap I haven’t eaten anything all day… but I’m not hungry? My portions aren’t a problem, I’m literally just never hungry and not eating properly.. I know that.

his reason is “Im too old” speaking of himself. But yesterday it was mentioned again and he said “I just want you healthy so we can live a long life together, and getting pregnant is going to counteract that.” So I truly believe this was the reason the whole time, he just didn’t want to hurt my feelings (bless his heart).

yeah it is very hard, if he genuinely doesn’t want another child nothing will change that and i don’t think you should be trying to change his mind on that. If his real reason is he’s too old then of course that isn’t going to change. and if his reasoning is he wants you to stay healthy, if you lose the weight it’ll likely stay the same as he knows you’ll get unhealthier pregnant. I would have a conversation with him about how sure he is on his decision even if he knows you want one and if it’s still a no and a deal breaker for you then it’s a different conversation i think xxx

Weigh loss isn’t just down to cutting your calories. If your metabolism is slow due to a slow thyroid for example it will be quite hard for you to lose weight just by dieting alone.

Gaining 20 pounds after pregnancy doesn’t sound like a lot to me, I’ve gained about 15 and my spouse loves me the same. Weight shouldn’t matter in the relationship or be a factor to getting pregnant again

Girl. This man child does not deserve you. He can care about your health without degrading you. And knowing that it’s NORMAL to gain weight during pregnancy. Honestly it might just be best not to have another kid with him

Ohh yeah, swimming is your best bet! When i used to go swimming in the morning, the elderly would tell me that it helps them with nerve pain. It’s a full body workout too. If you can squeeze in at least 2 sessions a week, plus walking at home, there are plenty vids on YouTube, you will be solid. Nonetheless you got this mamas! Do the best you can and leave what you can’t for tomorrow.

If you’re located in the states, do a local YMCA if that’s available, most have child watch for two hours for their members.

Was your pregnancy and it delivery really tough or traumatic on you? Are you sure it’s about weight?

Is it even recommended for you to get pregnant when you have sciatica? If you're already in pain now, pregnancy would be 100x worse

He wants to grow old with you. It's sweet.

I gained 43 pounds but felt so sexy! I was a little underweight to start with but still x

yes, that’s why I said I have to sort this out before pregnancy is even an option for me.
my pregnancies were perfect. Him and I do not have mutual children together.
he said he loves me either way, but a pregnancy would make me more unhealthy than I already am. He’s not wrong with that, it just sucks.
I don’t necessarily see where he’s degrading me. I’m already 20 pounds overweight add a pregnancy to that I’ll be minimum 50 pounds overweight which isn’t good for anyone . I’m just sad about it that’s all

Wait he said pregnancy would make you unhealthy? Quite literally only a healthy body can get & stay pregnant.

How many kids do you have? How many does she have?

The thing is he could have 10 reasons he doesn't want a baby and 1 of them could be your health but that isn't necessarily even the most important reason.

Hmmm i was size 8 uk when pregnant with first and didn’t loose the weight so pregnancy with the second started at size 16 uk i feel just as healthy and everything well with both pregnancies regardless of my size, in fact we deliberately got pregnant deciding that the weight would be too hard to loose and then gain back if you’re planning to get skinny first plus yoyo dieting is actually more harmful so doesn’t matter what size you are when getting pregnant as you’ll have lots of weight to loose afterwards anyway if that makes sense, i’d be upset if my partner had loads of requirements for me to forfill in order for him to want to get me pregnant….but not in a sad way but i’d probably want someone that treats me better n loves me for who i am not what i look like

Sounds like you have self esteem issues that you are projecting onto him.

Health is a valid concern for him to have. My health went down hill substantially when I had a kid. Same with my sister. Birthing a child can mess people up, that is no secret- regardless of what the weight does.

His view of being too old is valid too. There are plenty of studies that show how the age of the father can influence the health of the child. The older either parent is, the more likely health problems will occur (for both parent and child)

Health is a valid concern for him to have when thinking about getting pregnant again especially because of the sciatica. If you think that your weight is the real reason why he’s hesitant to have another child, maybe bring this up with him and ask him about it because you don’t know for sure if that’s what he’s thinking (maybe he’s just concerned about your sciatica). If your husband is worried about your weight, remind him that as long as you eat healthy foods throughout the day, stop eating when you’re satisfied, and stay active (I agree with the idea of trying swimming - maybe try 3X per week to start) then you’re at the right weight for your body. AND you can still do all of this if you have another baby.

Can you eat smaller meals more frequently? That’ll help rather than eating one big decent meal. I’d say work out for your health and YOUR personal aesthetics. By chance do you start having very unhealthy habits when your pregnant? I did during my first. I had GD which is diabetes while pregnant and my habits of eating too much fruit and sweets wasn’t helping. My husband started getting frustrated at me. I recognize that my second pregnancy and I’ve been doing a lot better.

I’m sorry but u have to change your way of thinking and I say this with love that man doesn’t love you. You carried his child and went through a change of live he could never fully understand or ever experience. Twenty pounds or not he should love you at all sizes and the way to go about is after you have a baby will work together baby to get you healthy and take our time no rush . Stop comparing yourself to his ex because trust me he’s feeding off of your insecurities always know that your that girl twenty pounds lighter or heavier period and what he don’t love a another man will period