Sleep Training - Ferber Method

Interesting in hearing more about how your checks look like. Did you pick them up? Were you waiting for them to settle or were you timing it?

You can do whatever works best for you. It is suggest that you only reassure them with a pat or tummy rub but never pick them up. You also limit your interaction to 2min max. My daughter would be standing or sitting up so I would lay her down and pat her back telling her it's night night time and that I love her. Then I would walk away. Anything more would make she worse. The minute they start crying you set your timer for the first check and then Follow the chart till they settle. If time goes by (like 45 min or so) you will start all over (at the first check for that day) the next time they start crying. Also if you find any time too long you can also change it. We changed 10 min to 8 the first time around. The biggest thing is consistency and sticking to it.

Also she didn't cry all night. The first night took about 1.5 hours the second night about 45min and the third night about 30 min. Every time after then was about 10-15 min.

I'm on Day 2. My little one is almost 7 months old and I follow the timetable that Sarah posted above. I have read elsewhere that you can modify the method to suit the needs of bub though.

Personally I don't pick him up as it says you shouldn't, previously he was rocked to sleep and then put down. I do however talk to him in a calm/soothing voice, stroke his head/cheeks, softly rub the lobes of his ears or just gently rub across his belly.

How long would you say per day it took for them to go down, if you can remember?

How long would you say per day it took for her to go down, if you can remember?

Sorry, just seen you've already answered!

This makes me feel so much better. Last night it took him about 2 hours and everywhere I'd read people posting their experiences stated it took them like 40 minutes. I felt for sure I was being cruel. Today though it took an hour. 😅

Took 3 nights longest night was the first night - bout 18 minutes. So three checks. Second night felt hardest for us - less than 10 minutes. Third night a whimper or two. No check. Then was done

Did you both also use it for naps?

Oh wow. Did you also use it for naps?

You can use it for naps but it's a completely different schedule. You will do day one only. Depending on the age of your LO and length of nap you will only want to do it for the first 30-45 min. After that they are just probably not taking that nap. You only ever let it get to 10 min max as again you have a shorter time to allow them to fall asleep. I used to go into her room 15 min before to do a quiet activity or a book and slowly help her make the transition from playing to laying down. Usually if you have issues with naps like really short naps or being overtired and not wanting a nap then it is more of a schedule issue and wake windows might need to be adjusted.

Everyone who has done this and succeeded.. does your LO have their own room? We have to share a room and was wondering if it would still work

So I did it today for the first time and only did 30 mins max. The majority of the day he just wouldn't cave.

On the last attempt he finally slept for 45 minutes but I don't know if that was just sheer exhaustion at that point. 😬

Also, do you mean there would hypothetically be an issue with his wake windows if he only takes short naps or gets overtired?

No we didn’t use for naps when at home. But it significantly improved naps when out and about because she wouldn’t sleep in her pram or the car before. Or if she did, she wouldn’t stay asleep on transfer.

How old is your LO??

Thanks for that. He used to be great at napping in the car/out and about, less so now.

No problem at all, appreciate you commenting.

I'm assuming you're asking me. 😅 He's almost 7 months old.

Tbh, he kept trying to drop from three naps to two before this but he really cannot handle it yet, especially as he goes between cat napping and having max 40 minutes naps. I honestly think going to one nap today was more he couldn't fight it anymore. Earlier in the day he'd given so many tired/sleepy cues after a 2+ hour wake window. It's so hard to watch and experience though.

Thanks for sharing this! 😊

Someone once told me that Naptime sleep will affect night sleep and so forth so just remember that it is all a circle. Bad naps = bad night sleep and vice verse because they are overtired. I tried to keep this in mind till she was more regular.

I would definitely concur with that. His naps have progressively worsened. His night time hasn't been too bad, he had slept for the longest stretches - up to 11 hours one night (I almost died of shock and if I'd known I would've gone to bed a lot damn earlier. 🤣) however I definitely started to notice a negative change in more recent days and so did my partner. Taking a lot longer to rock him down, well over an hour, etc.

He went through a really bad bout of over tiredness earlier in the journey and that was horrible so I'm trying to be patient and just learn as much as possible which is why I posted and am very grateful for the conversation with you all this evening. 😊

May I ask, how did you get her to nap when at home?

we sleep trained her in our room as she was 5.5 months. And she didn’t go into her own room till 7 months

I sometimes still hold her - still may need a cuddle or a bit of a bounce. The urge to sleep during naps isn’t as strong as during the day. She’s been in nursery since she was 6 months and they lay her down in her sleeping bag and pat her back with white noise on. So she can do it. I just never bothered that much for naps if I’m honest and the risk of I’m day overtiredness wasn’t worth it.

Would you all consider Ferber to be working if after a week in it can still take an hour or just over for the little guy to go to sleep? During this week it has also taken him 12 minutes with no checks.

That’s a long time…is his bed time right?

Sorry, what do you mean by is it right?

To clarify it hasn't taken him that long every time.

It sounds like it is working. Not all kids adapt to it as quickly as others. I've seen some people say it took them the whole week and some say it took 2 weeks. You'll know it's working when they are relying less on you to put them to sleep and able to settle themselves after a wake up. So if they wake up at the end of their sleep cycle they may cry out or fuss. We would wait 5 min. and watch. 9 times out of 10 she would move around and then lay back down and go back to sleep where as before if we went right in she would become more awake and we would have to start over with putting her down. Hope that helps you 😊

We thought that may be the case in the beginning. The first night he took 2 hours, second night just over an hour. Third night was 40m, fourth night 45m, fifth night 12m, etc. He's had really good nights and then ones like tonight where it took 1hr 45m and he was just angrily crying and even the checks weren't soothing him. I know today is most definitely down to poor napping, though I'm really struggling on what to do with that one. 😩

Also thank you for your response.

Ah that makes sense from what you described. He might have hit a leap - my LG has nights like that when it’s really hard to get her down!

I was thinking the same. He's definitely learning lots and you see him sort of "practising" in his sleep sometimes. 😅 He's been catnapping for ages which really doesn't help him as he can't hack it with 20m naps three times a day. 😩

Help please ladies! Sorry, I feel like I'm flogging a dead horse but you're all so clear in regards to your experience.

So far bub has been sleeping for around 10/10.5 hours straight a night. He nurses for around an hour straight before bed - he didn't used to nurse for so long (this started around a month ago) but I make sure to take time and put him down in his crib fully awake before starting the method. This is at about 7pm approx. The last couple of days he's done extremely well, little to no tears, allows me to place him in the crib without crying. He's still taking around an hour to go down as he just stays awake in his crib but has needed one or no check ins.

In the whole time we've been doing Ferber he's had some days where by he wakes up around 4, 5 or 6. When this happens, I do try to wait a little to see if he'll soothe himself back. He'll tend to try but remains tired the whole time which turns into frustration, ensue crying which can then take an hour to help him stop.
(Cont below)

Part 2
When he's like this I'll contact nap him as he hasn't had enough sleep to start his day.

Unfortunately he's a bad cat napper, we're taking anything from 15m to 38m max, usually an average of 24 though. 🫠 It also doesn't matter if his awake window is 2, 2.5, 3 or even 4 hours long. I'm trying to keep it at more of a schedule now which is obviously difficult if out but I give it a damn good go 😩.

So... I've called it a contact nap but consider it me helping to extend his sleep. Should I be trying to help him back to sleep in the mornings or just let him cry for hours whilst trying to keep him awake?

Sorry if that's something I've missed out forgotten in my research of this method. Baby brain still remains for me.

Signed,
Mentally exhausted FTM. 😅

First of all - you’re doing an amazing job.

It doesn’t sound like a flaw of your sleep training - but likely he’s cold or hungry or wants cuddles. And so that wakes him up.

If he has milk at 4am will he go back to sleep?

My little girl was Ferber trained at 5.5 months but didn’t night wean till 11 months. She started nursery at 6.5 months and that caused separation anxiety and she’d wake up at about 4am each night. Also was teething, also wasn’t having enough milk at nursery - so we had to reintroduce a night bottle.

Also when he’s up at those times - he’s had enough sleep that he’s just not sleep enough to self sooth and wants something else. If you don’t want to reintroduce milk at these times, try water for him and see if that helps him.

Thank you, I appreciate that. It's so difficult to know where you're succeeding or going wrong sometimes.

We were sure he was getting cold before (pre-Ferber) and so invested in a 3.5 tog suit such he hates putting on but seems to help him sleep better generally speaking. When he has these wakes I've purposely cuddled him close to the breast to see if he tries to root, I've even given him my hands/fingers to see if he'll try to soothe or properly suckle but he doesn't seem interested so I haven't tried to push it on him if you know what I mean.

Again pre-Ferber we've been mindful to ensure he's having milk at least every 3 hours during the day so he doesn't get too hungry at night plus the hour of nursing before bed.

If he's had enough sleep, why is he always so cranky; giving tired crying as opposed to angry or hungry? I ask as often he barely clears 12 hours of sleep from midnight to midnight, and his tired cues appear an hour or so into a wake window - red brows/nose, squinty eyes, etc.

To clarify, if he wakes at these times you don't think I should be putting him back down as he's not tired enough?

You’re not going wrong at all - there are so many reasons why he may be waking and it is so frustrating. But please don’t internalise that as failing - he has you and he is loved, and you are and you have everything he needs.

He may be cranky if he’s teething. At this age, he may also have separation anxiety.

At that time, he may need milk and a cuddle to try and go back to sleep. You could try white noise when he stirs? And try to black out his room?

He will go longer with time.

At about 18 months - my LG was up each day for 2 weeks between 5:30am and 6am inconsolably upset. And then stopped doing it without my doing anything!

Everything is a phase that they’ll come out of.

I'm so sorry, I didn't get a notification for this at all! 🫠

We've definitely noticed some separation anxiety creeping in, low and behold a couple of days after Christmas one of his top teeth started cutting through too. 😅

We've always used pink noise for him which has generally returned well and his room is blacked out through the night. He's still doing anything between 9 and 10.5 hours a night even though we're on Day 47 now. And we're still going between now checks, 10m to go down to lots of tears, several checks and anything up to 1-2 hours to completely go down so I hope you're right.

Thank you so much for your kind words, truly helps. 🫶🏼