MIL doesn’t respect me

Mil disrespects me as a mother and a wife, she makes comments implying I can’t be trusted or that I sleep around, she makes fun of how I speak and how my family does things and where I’m from, she talks badly about me through my child, gives my child candy/sweets/junk after I ask her not to/I say no. (Husband also says no-we make decisions together) if our child is going to have candy or anything like that we will give it to them in moderation, she will let that be the only thing my child eats. Her and my FIL get mad that they aren’t allowed to give our child(ren) certain things but we can/do. She waits until I leave to fill my kids up on shit and do everything she was asked not to do, then tells my toddler to keep it a secret from me. She only speaks to me in passive aggressive sentences. I told her if she can’t respect us and continues to go behind our back the way she does then we will stop visiting. She said she could spend every dime she had to make sure she would always be able to see my children, implying she will bring me to court. She says things like “if you have something to say you better say it to my face” and still, after years and years, talks about how if she ever sees my husbands ex she’s going to beat her ass because she cheated on him. This girl is also probably only 23 now. Shes also extremely racist, not at all something I want my children around. What do I do. She over steps boundaries, doesnt listen/change no matter how many times I’ve tried to talk to her about all this to prevent arguments/altercations, and when I do finally say I will limit communication she brings legal/money into it. I feel like there’s no way to get away from this woman’s bad behavior.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

I would’ve stopped visiting/talking to her a long time ago. My MIL once said that she would give my son sugar behind my back and I decided then and there that she would never be alone in a room with him. We also barely visit

I had a similar situation with my MIL but not this bad as yours is. I cut ties with her. The best deccision I made. You don’t have why to tolerate her bad behaviour. Just remove her from your life

How does it work with your spouse and kids cutting off an in law ? I won’t leave my kids alone with her anymore. But I also don’t want to visit her period, I want nothing to do with her. I just don’t know how to navigate the situations where we have to go visit for holidays and stuff. We live in different states so I can prevent her from coming to our house but when my husband wants to see the rest of his family for Christmas and we visit them for a couple weeks, and she’s all over my children, how do I manage that. My husband has spoke to her about all this ad well and made it clear I come first and she is causing problems in our relationship and needs to be respectful but she doesn’t change

I'm in the same situation except she lives with us, it's been 10 years now. And my husband is always on her side, But I started a job in my son's school, and spent the whole day. If you can just ignore and let her say THINGS, I'm done with her, and let her do whatever she is doing. Not my concern anymore. My son is 6 years old, he is listening to me and now he can tell me what she says about me behind my back.

My little one is 10 months old so it’s a bit different but when they come to our house I give them the baby, don’t speak to them and leave the room. When my husband goes there I stay home, he takes the baby and goes to visit them

I am confused why you still have contact with these people and especially why you allow them to be around your child. Am I missing something?

I’m so sorry you have to go through this! I’d say cut her off completely and don’t let your kids around that! How does your husband feel about everything? My husband was on my side and he also completely cut off both of his parents but I know not everyone can do that. Maybe you and the kids could stay away and he can go alone to visit

Fuck her and her legal threat bullshit. Stop taking your kids there. Your kids don’t need to be learning such toxic behaviour and being shown it’s ok to disrespect mum and dad and go against their wishes. This is not ok and I feel for you cos at the end of the day you’re obviously trying to do right by them by including them in your kids life and they are straight out disrespecting you. My daughter’s family did similiar stuff (she’s 11, telling her to move out of home and live with them etc) so guess what.. they haven’t seen her in over a year! Still waiting on those court threats to happen tho 🤷🏻‍♀️

This woman is a Textbook controlling narcissist! I’ve literally just had to cut my MIL off for similar stuff because it’s became too claustrophobic and she continue to over step boundaries, she’s that bad that she tried to convince my partner I’m the issue when he stood up for us and said no to their disrespect she then tried to turn him on me like I know u don’t want this I know this isn’t you talking…absolutely awful woman

You need to make sure you save every message she sends as evidence and she can try her hardest to think she even has a right in court but she really doesn’t from when you or their father arent a threat! She is nothing but a controlling, manipulative, vindictive awful woman make sure everything is written down and if it gets to court all the evidence will speak for itself. Also if I was you I’d set up a nanny cam aswell to prove she keeps going against you’re wishes as a parent

Fuck all this. So sorry that you are going through this.

The whole "don't tell mummy keep it a secret" pisses me off soooo much! That's where I'd draw the line. In this day and age, you can not teach a child to keep a secret even if it's over "chocolate." Let's be honest it's what a predator would say to a child. "It's our secret, don't tell your mum" you need to tell her secrets are not ok we should not be teaching children that this is ok.

in our community

Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.

He has no respect for anything to do with me.

Husband and I decided to separate 3 days ago. I've been sleeping on the floor in the kids room, and we both have to stay in the same apartment for a while. He wont stop pushing little things and I am reaching my limit. Photos in comments

Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

Identity crisis?

Am I the only sahm who feels like they have lost their identity??? I don’t make money for my family, when I used to make great money. But I refuse to drop my under a year old baby off with strangers.
My husband works so much. But I have no control over bringing in money and I’m a control freak type of person! I feel l like I’m losing my grip because we are kind of broke, but day care would only eat up my income anyways! So what’s the point. I’m a workaholic and now I’m just a twitching bum.
I wish I could work from home but so far that’s a fake dream. I’m almost 9 months pp, and I just need to know these awful mood swings and depression will end soon! Send wine!