living with in laws

Does anyone else live with their husband and in-laws? I’m looking for advice or someone to talk to about navigating this situation, especially as a new mom.

My husband and I are living with his parents to save money so we can give our daughter the best start possible. We could afford to live on our own, but things would be tight, and this arrangement makes the most sense for now. My husband is incredibly supportive and does a great job listening to how I feel, but I don’t like bringing it up to him too often because I know it affects him, too. We’re both making sacrifices, and I don’t want to add to his stress.

My in-laws are great people, but it’s been an adjustment. They’re Indian, and some of their cultural beliefs and habits are very different from what I grew up with. For example, my mother-in-law can be overly involved at times. She’ll take my baby out of my hands without saying anything or bring her to another room, and while I know she just loves spending time with her, it feels disrespectful not to ask first.

Another challenge is how advice is given—it often comes across as know it alls, which is hard to hear as a new mom. For instance, my baby’s umbilical cord fell off earlier than it should’ve because my mother-in-law thought it was a good idea to put a tight undershirt under her onesie to keep her warm. It wasn’t malicious, but it caused irritation, and now my baby still hasn’t fully healed, so I haven’t been able to give her a bath. When I brought it up at the doctor’s appointment, my father-in-law commented, “My wife has been waiting to give her a bath,” as if I haven’t been waiting just as much.

I did have a conversation with my mother-in-law about boundaries. I explained that while I appreciate her help, I’d prefer she let me handle things unless I specifically ask. I’m my daughter’s mom, and I need to learn how to do it all myself, especially since my husband is back at work and I’m a stay-at-home mom. I also want her to feel like a grandmother, not as though she has to step in all the time. She was understanding, but since then, my father-in-law has made little side comments, which makes me feel guilty even though I know I wasn’t out of line.

I’m three weeks postpartum, and I’m realizing I’ve built up a lot of uncertainty and even resentment. I used to love the relationship I had with my in-laws, and I was proud of how close we were. Now, the smallest things irritate me, and I feel bad because they’re not huge issues—it’s just hard for me to shake the feeling.

If anyone has been through something similar, how do you handle living with in-laws, setting boundaries, and managing these emotions without damaging relationships?

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I live with my in laws and it can be a real struggle at times! My MIL is really good but I’m really starting to resent my FIL and so is my partner too, it’s really hard! xx

It’s really hard to stay with In-laws. there’re Indians and they have different cultural beliefs that might upset you.

Like me I’m staying with my sis Inlaw and I’m regretting it now. Like I hate dirty, every time when I come back from work I had to clean my kitchen mop floors before I start cooking. It’s really hard to stay with people.

You and your partner have to sit down and unfortunately have the conversation with your in laws. It’s hard, and you have to stay thankful for the roof over your head but you do have to remind people that you are the parents of your child and that you have boundaries as a couple and you literally have to point out what they do wrong in your eyes as they won’t understand. Just try not to make it personal xx

it really depends on the family, for example i also live with my in laws and my mother in law is helpful and supportive but also knows where her boundaries lie and what not to over step. it’s always been like that with me and her we have never had to openly address any boundaries. but some mother in laws don’t understand what boundaries are because of olden ways and cultures. in your case it’s a topic you should 1000% be discussing with your husband. Your husband should understand your boundaries and your feelings and address them to his parents to back off slightly. i know that you don’t want to cause any bad blood or anything between you or them but these things have to be addressed. you grew this child for 9months. you gave birth to this wonderful being. you should be allowed to openly been the mother that you wish to be and not have to worry about other people stepping on what you want for your own child.. please do express yourself to your husband

Father-in-law went with you to doc appointment?😳

I suppose you don’t drive ? That makes a lot of a difference. When I lived with my in-laws, I would leave a lot

You could move into something small for the meantime? Like a studio ?

in our community

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

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Nursery funding

My child turned 9 months last week. I applied for government funded hours nearly 2 months ago and so well within the required timeframe for the April term, however upon receiving my first invoice without the funding applied and having questioned this, I have now been informed that the stretched funding doesn’t start until 4th May.

Has anyone else been told it won’t start until May?

The government site states it should start from April 1st, and so I intentionally set my nursery start and return to work as the start of April for that reason, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford the nursery on my sole income without the funding

Jealous of my husband

I’m so jealous of him and it’s making me resentful. We have a ten week old and I’m jealous that he is at work all day. I’m jealous he can leave for lunch and actually eat an uninterrupted lunch. Take a phone call uninterrupted. Chat with a friend he runs in to uninterrupted. Even go to the bathroom when he wants uninterrupted. He comes home from work when he wants. He’s not on a set schedule. Some days are late some are early. It depends on when he’s done. I’m jealous he can come home at 10pm and shower, eat and go right to bed uninterrupted because I already have the baby asleep. He doesn’t have to worry about anything house wise or baby wise because I’ve done it all. Meanwhile I’m covered in puke and crap and smell like rotten milk. When he is home he is VERY active and helpful. So it’s not that. I’m just jealous his world hasn’t changed and mine has I guess. This isn’t something he’s doing wrong so I’m not sure how to get past this. I wish I could keep him home all day because that’s how helpful he is, but I understand he obv needs to work.

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.