custody advice please

hey ladies, i’m sorry, i just need advice. i want out of my relationship, we’ve been together 5 years, engaged for 3, and have two toddlers (1.5 and 2.5 years old) i could give all the backstory on why i’m done, i’ve given it my all, i’m just tired of trying to fix it at this point. my only concern with leaving him is if I have to allow him to have overnights with the kids? like.. can a custody agreement be worked where he doesn’t do overnights? he’s incredibly mean if you wake him up in the night, he’s told me many times if it was up to him he would put them in separate rooms and let them cry it out because “he’s not doing that up and down at night shit”. when we had our second baby I desperately needed help at night because I wasn’t getting any sleep but anytime I asked him to help he was very aggressive with the baby and I quit because I was afraid he would shake her or hurt her somehow. in the middle of the night last night when i got up to pee, apparently it woke our son and he was fussing to get into our bed (not great i know but hes two and i’m tired) and when i was coming back into the room to get him my fiancé was already up and practically threw him into our bed from 4-5 feet away and grumbled about “having to do this shit”. I got upset and hurried to comfort my son in the bed, which took about an hour to get him back asleep. while my fiance just laid back down and went back to sleep like nothing was wrong. I’m just done. I want out. I want him gone. but Im afraid somehow he would get overnight visits and he can’t. any advice greatly appreciated, I’m sorry if this is all over the place, I’ve been up ever since trying to research custody agreements and how to go about all this

Show your support

I would make sure to have video evidence of his aggression to help you put “supervised visits” in place. Court doesn’t take hearsay into consideration

Wow sorry your going through this. This may be a very difficult situation as in the eyes of the court system, he has as much right as you do when it comes to coparent. Unless you have like record of him being abusive it’s really hard to prove why he shouldn’t be around his kids at night. I would definitely look for help, this becomes a type of record. Do you have family where you can stay? A good start could be therapy? They could be support if you go to court. Another thing, do you have any idea how he will react if you guys split? Would he have an issue with it? If he is like that, he might even want the kids overnight. Just putting info out there

If you want to take it to court for full custody and he doesn't fight you on the custody. Florida typically does a standard custody/visitation agreement of father gets kids every other weekend, a certain amount of weeks during the summer, and alternating school holidays/vacation each year.

If you he is open to it. You can talk through a set agreement on visitations and custody and agree to it. And submit it as a parenting plan so if there's any issues in the future.

Well… I hear you so much on this because sometimes my bd does things with my baby I do NOT agree with and that make me feel like its neglect. For example when he was a month old he would strip him naked and crank the AC to 70. We had arguments everytime I said something or asked him Not to do it. When I asked for legal advise as I was considering going to court, most people told me including lawyers that “bad parenting” is not necessarily “neglect” or “abuse”. And that unless the child was in actually proven danger the courts would just give him 50-50. I would suggest you join a website called Just Answer for a month. It is like $57 dollars but you get access to lawyers that will answer all your questions. Unlimited, either by phone or chat. This will give you guidance on your options and how to make a plan. It is wayyy cheaper than an attorney private consultation. I hope that helps

I’ve been going through some issues with my bd, he was threatening to get a lawyer on Valentine’s Day to get kids 50-50. We are both are new to the state of Florida. Apparently- long story short- Florida don’t care if father is abusive they still give them rights and now tend to favor father where in the past most times mother is usually given full custody. But I was getting threaten daily when I lived with him and was trying to secretly record for my safety to show his abuse and anger and he found out and it got worse. Florida it is illegal to record without consent and of course the abuser or the person in the wrong will not gladly give consent so I talked to a lawyer and they said without police documentation it’s useless.

@Courtney exactly they told me the same. I am in Florida also, and that falls under the new disantis law. They told me he will most likely get 50/50 if we file from the get-go unless I can prove he is an unfit father for the baby. So the attorney in the end advised me the best option was to work out an agreement with him on “good terms”

@Cristina hate how the law gets involved and doesn’t know and live it daily -yet they get to decide what’s best for child-not! “Good terms”!!Omg that would make me twitch!! I’m a sahm I’m income dependent on him when I talked to a lawyer they said they can’t do much for me but advise me to slowly pack and leave.-But to where if you don’t have a village?- shelter isn’t safe for kids and he will use that against me and get court to side with him then kids go to him the meantime he could hurt or neglect our kids??Also was told get a job and a place of your own as soon as you can.. I am 4 months pp have 3 under 3 can’t exactly afford daycare to work. He knows that so I can see the court favoring him since he can actually provide at the moment. I see now why people are stuck for awhile until they plan their escape(hide/put aside money) I saw somewhere a woman used to buy gift cards so husband didn’t suspect and return them or keep for future to feed her kids with.Until court arrangement…ugh

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