Mother’s Day

Am I being selfish? I get some partners probably got far less than me but I was expecting a different kind of effort from mine.

So on Saturday, I got up and left the house in the morning, took my daughter to my Mums and I went and got my nails done. My partner left the house a couple hours after I did to go to work. I made him change and feed our daughter before I had left in the morning and told him to take the bins out before he left for work (he only emptied the kitchen bin, the bathroom bins are still overflowing as I type this).

Instead of working like he said he was, he spent the day shopping to get bits for my Mothers Day and decorated the house with a couple banners, bought a wooden box and some paint, a card and some chocolates. The box was for us to create a keepsake box for our daughter. Very thoughtful and cute. He did all this after he said on Friday he hadnt ordered anything for me for mothers day and asked if he still should as it wont come in time if he ordered anything now. I said for him to figure it out. Ive been off with him lately for his lack of contribution to the household and as a father. Ive also been quite ill the past few weeks and he hadnt offered to help at all with our daughter who unfortunately had been stuck in bed with me for days on end. Im slowly getting better but not 100%.

Anyway, I didnt get home till 8pm as I was enjoying spending time with my Mum and still assumed he was at work as he doesn’t tend to get home till 10pm. So, he basically enjoyed having a day off alone after he had done his shopping and decorating. He told me he would be working all of mothers day (he chooses when he works as hes self employed) so that Saturday evening was my mothers day. He then asked me whats for dinner.

The decoration and box was very nice surprise. But I just feel sad and let down. I wouldve liked him to have at least maybe taken the bins out? Tidied the house? Offered to look after our daughter if he knew he wasnt going to work so I didnt have to take her to my Mums just to get my nails done. Cook dinner for us even. Instead, I got the decorations and a present and was expected to carry on doing all I do. I spent my actual Mothers Day alone with my baby. I went for a walk and saw Dads with their kids at the park, probably giving their wife some peace at home. Its my first Mothers Day and this is just not what I had envisioned.

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Have you ever expressed or told him you need him to do more and that you’re overworked and overloaded? I know U.S. women like to think our partners are mind readers but if he’s accustomed to you doing all that you do and never asking for anything….how do you want something that you never ask for? M

Tell him you appreciate the gesture and it’s lovely and you’ll use it but you’d also like a break. Maybe to take the day and get a spa done while he hangs with his daughter. Etc etc.

Its been an ongoing issue for months now. I try to talk to him on a weekly basis about how I feel but his comebacks are always the same of “I have work”, “I need to sleep for work”, “Im doing my best” etc. Ive gotten to the point where Im tired of telling him how I feel and what I need from him.

Hi lady, thanks for responding. Okay, well if you’ve already expressed what you need and your needs are not being met. The next route is to literally just make him.

“Hi, I have an appointment today and you need to watch your daughter”

Just hand him the baby some days (only if he’s actually a trustworthy father and you trust him to actually care for the baby) and just leave. It doesn’t have to be for long but for maybe 15-30 minutes at a time or a grocery run.

If that doesn’t work, you can try couples therapy. Maybe there’s a huge disconnect for you both. Etc.

Last resort I’d say just end it.

Thank you for your advice. Definitely going to put this into practice 🙏🏽

Mothers day isn't until may tho unless you're in the uk

she’s very clearly in the UK.. you can even tell by how she’s speaking. “Mum”, “bin” “bits”

why are you assuming everyone is from the US?!

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