Morning Rant?

Am I being unreasonable? LO is 12 weeks old, I am currently on maternity leave, although I go back to work next week. My partner works Monday-Friday with an early finish on Fridays. He generally wakes up between 6-6.30am, has to leave for work at 7.15am. I obviously look after LO all day, and I do all overnight feeds. This morning at roughly 6am, I heard LO crying, but my partner was already on the way to sort him, so I went back to sleep. 10 minutes later, I hear LO cry again, and again my partner goes to sort him. I go back to sleep. I hear him cry for a third time, and see that my partner is literally just giving him his dummy, not checking his nappy or seeing if he wants his bottle. So I get up and take over. I've told my partner many times, that if he's crying at around this time, he most likely wants a nappy change and bottle. Partner wasn't going back to sleep after each wake. He was playing on his phone. He probably does about 1-2 nappy changes a day, sometimes none. He gives LO last bottle every other day, somedays he doesn't do any feeds. He does not have him from me so I can have time to myself, though he gets time to play on his games, go for walks, have uninterrupted showers. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to do a 6am feed and nappy change before work if he is already up, so that I can have an extra hours sleep? I generally get 4-5 hours interrupted sleep per night. Sorry for the long post.
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Not unreasonable at all. Even before you go back to work being at home with the baby all day is your job so he should’ve been helping out already. My ex used to do all overnight nappy changes and he used to wake up with my eldest while i woke up with youngest. He used to wash up and get them ready for bed and he’d look after them both for a while on his days off so I could do my own thing / have a nap / shower etc. X

I’d also like to add my ex used to leave for work at 9am and he’d get up with them when they woke in the morning and do their breakfast and wake me just before he left for work x

My opinion if you’re not working, baby is entirely your responsibility, if your partner or anyone does help it’s a bonus, I only ever tell him to hold the baby is so they can bond and both can get used to each other. Just my opinion x

I think some of these comments are nuts. Parenting isn’t a part time job. The suggestion that because your partner is working you should have baby 100% of the time is genuinely nuts and I feel sorry for anyone who feels this way or thinks this way. Parenting is FULL TIME, meaning when he gets in from work and gets to relax, do the things he wants to do, you do NOT get a break. Relationships and parenthood are 50/50. Parenting is a much harder job than going to work 😂 it’s bare minimum to take baby from you sometimes and allow yourself the human necessity of a fkn shower uninterrupted. You are literally saying in your post that 100% of the time you are a parent and 0% of the time he is not and there’s actually people here making excuses for him 😂😂😂. I’d be having a serious sit down talk with my partner and if nothing changed he’d be my ex partner. Leaving a baby with a shitty nappy and hungry stomach to play a fkn game as a father is unacceptable. I’d rather be single.

We take it in turns to do last bottle on an evening, the other person washes up. He will help around the house if I ask him and remind him a couple times. We do bath time together. Partner will have daddy cuddles with LO, usually after I have fed and changed him. I don't mind doing night feeds, but I feel 6am isn't a night feed. I just feel like everything is down to me. I wouldn't have minded if he'd just left LO to me this morning, but it annoys me that he just gives him his dummy instead of checking if baby needs anything. Whilst on maternity leave, I have still paid 50% of all household bills, so it's not even that he is taking on the brunt of the financial burdens. He has been feeling down lately, and could tell he was, so am trying not to push too much. But I'd also like a break every now and then. I'm worried I'm going to end up super burnt out when I go back to work next week 🙃

@Zoulikha Boukhatem with your logic, when she goes back to work next week she’s no longer responsible for baby. So that means no one is!! How great!! Be fr right now.

@Robyn no of course. they’ll both share that responsibility, I mean the night feeds etc, that’s just what I do in my house.

@Zoulikha Boukhatem that’s what you do in YOUR house, but it isn’t what this woman should be doing in hers (I don’t believe you should be either). If when I grew up I found out my father did virtually nothing for me and left me with a shitty nappy and hungry stomach so he could play games on his phone, I can tell you now I would have zero respect for him as a human being. You’re viewing parenthood like it’s a job and you’re pushing that opinion on others, and whilst partly you may be right, it’s a lot more than a job. It’s raising an entire human being and it is TIRING and draining. This man doesn’t even cover all the bills 😂 shes still paying half, therefore half the responsibility is still his anyway. His life by the looks on things hasn’t changed at all because he believes his partner will pick up all the slack and he can pretend he takes the credit. This is not healthy.

Hey hun, I don’t normally comment on posts but just had to validate your feelings as some of the comments are 😅😅 I think a lot of these opinions will changed once the babies actually come and the hard work begins! Looking after baby is a full time job and you need rest from this also. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for you to ask partner to be responsive to his child, if he’s already there and awake I thinks it’s a perfectly reasonable expectation. Also the fact that you’re still sharing bills 50:50 and going g back to work next week! that’s an added burden on you while looking after baby full time. Anyway I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job mama! I would try have a chat with your partner to see how things can be adjusted. Good luck ❤️

@Robyn not at all saying what she should do. And I know most people wouldn’t do this. I’m just letting her and whoever know what I do in my house. Just everyone is different. Doesn’t mean what I do is wrong or what you do is wrong. It’s just what works for me. And it’s probably a generational thing. My dad never did anything he worked 12 hour shifts and when he came home he never looked after the kids ( feeds, Nappies etc..) but he did pay the bills and have food on the table. So I still respect him and love him dearly. His contribution to my upbringing was different but still important. Again this is what works for me.

Sounds like he’s working 8 hours a day and you’re working 24 hours a day (while still paying half the bills). Not fair. And I would be appalled that he let our child cry hungry and sit in a dirty diaper while he played games on his phone. Not okay 🥺 you and your child deserve better.

You are working all day too and need a rest! It's not him helping you, it's him being a parent and pulling his weight around the house too. Whilst he is working, you are working too, so everything whilst he is out of work should be split 50%

@Zoulikha Boukhatem you sound crazy lol. Wonder how first time mum is going to treat you. You’re not gonna last with your mindset. Prepare to go crazy.

I think If he's got time to sit there and go on his phone before work, he has time to change a nappy and feed LO 😊 I'd have a little talk with him x

I 2nd what @Kayleigh said. It would be one thing if he was asleep or getting ready for work but the fact that he was just goofing off on his phone, no. There is no reason why he could not change the baby's diaper and give him a feed so you could catch a little extra rest.

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Thanks everyone. I think I'm going to have another chat with my partner. I don't think he does it on purpose, I think it just doesn't cross his mind x

@Alana thanks for that, already 5 weeks in and I’m okay.

@Robyn exactly im baffled at the fact that they think the baby is her responsibility since shes not working 💀 sorry but did she create the baby herself?????

@Aqsa this!!! Like did he or did he not also create said baby?? The hell 😂

@Zoulikha Boukhatem glad youre okay but never have the mindset thay the baby is only your responsibility just because you are not working.. whats going to be the implications when and if you do go back to work. Its unfair on you, im not trying to be mean but fathers shouldnt “help” they shoulf take responsibility as well, work or not

@Zoulikha Boukhatem since everyone ganged up on you. I’ll just agree. I do wish he’d help more. But I do everything myself because now that I am SAH and he pays for + lets me buy anything pretty much. It is my job, at all times. I don’t expect him to do any feeds till the weekend when he’s off. And I only ask that he takes out my diaper trash cans daily-ish. 🤷🏼‍♀️ as you said, just saying how it’s done in my house. All these girls talk about breaks and I feel like that scene/meme “you guys are getting paid?” But they’re like leaving their men over not having a day off alone. I haven’t been alone since little man came home lol and I’m not mad about it. I’m upset about my hair falling out and uneven boobs. 😂

@Alexis yeah emphasis on ‘how it’s done at my house’ I’m not saying it’s right for everyone it’s just what’s right for me. I’m looked after and so is my kid. And like you said he pays for everything and I only ask he takes the trash and I’m upset about the acne 🤣

@Alexis difference here is, you and Zoulikha’s men pay for everything, & apparently according to you let you buy everything you want. He does all that and based off your comment he also helps you out whenever you ask, even sometimes unprompted. The woman who posted, pays 50% of bills even though she’s not working, is actually going BACK to work next week (you clearly aren’t, you’re a SAH as you’ve said), is completely burned out and doesn’t get any help. Her partner left his CHILD with a SHITTY NAPPY and an EMPTY STOMACH so he could play games on his phone, would your husband do the same thing? Like I said in a previous comment, I’d rather be single than be treat like a slave. These men helped you make this child, if it was discussed before your child was conceived that this would be the case then that’s different, you willingly agreed to your situation. This woman has not.

@Robyn I literally said I was commenting back to her being ganged up on. So she didn’t feel as though she was wrong in it, as you’ve all made sure to make it seem. Not the OP, but anyway. I don’t feel like a slave, you’re assuming quite a lot with all your replies I’ve read sooo. I’m gonna just leave it at that. Before I get judged more on what you think is right 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Alexis no one’s made anything seem any type of way. I’ve listed the reasons the original poster is burned out, she’s not in nearly the same situation as you or the person you’re saying has been “ganged up on”. I didn’t say you felt like a slave either, I actually said this was clearly a previous agreement between you and your husband as it’s a life you’re happy with AND he pays for everything. That’s mutual agreement, THE ORIGINAL POSTER does NOT have this agreement, and IS being treat like a slave. No one’s judging anyone, most people are trying to make sure this original poster doesn’t feel anymore like shit, anymkre abandoned than she is. You’re the one making assumptions about people’s comments.

@Robyn exactly seems like they didn’t read at all.

@Alana it’s no surprise really. One look at their profile shows very privileged lives, I don’t think they had any business commenting on something like this. Very ignorant comments anyway, think they were just looking for an argument

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