Do your working husbands help with baby?

We have a 1 year old now, but my partner gets up at 4.30am for work and is always exhausted, but he came home at 5.30 every evening and took baby off me when he was a newborn, told me to go lie down or shower if I wanted, our baby cried every evening for hours, we would of took it in turns to comfort him and get him to sleep, feed him etc. I done all the night feeds as he got up so early but he would of done them at weekends so I could sleep and he would get up with him the next morning on weekends.

My Husband works fulltime and is making all the income as I’m taking at least a year off work. When he clocks out of work he clocks into taking care of baby. He also does the night feeds if any so that I can wake up at 4am to go to the gym. It’s not easy and he’s definitely tired but also recognizes I’m tired. Outside of that we also try to make time for each person to have alone time and time together (walks after work)

the struggle of sahms with working partners! the never ending guilt of feeling like you need help but not wanting to ask. i’d advise just to let him know you want to talk about the load on both of your shoulders to see where some weight can be lightened. just try it out for a week and let him see how much it helps you + hopefully he’ll want to continue. if you don’t try and talk it out w honesty and sincerity, resentment is sure to follow !! i’ve been there, it’s a tough talk, but it’s necessary - try not to blame him, just share your struggle and offer little ways he can help to start. 🤍

This is not OK, however sadly it is the attitude of SO many men these days, my ex being one of them! My ex didn't do a single night feed with my son, I was so tired and sleep deprived it was awful. My now fiance though is brilliant! When we first had our baby he had like 2-3 weeks off, so for the first week he did nights and I slept, then I'd take over around 7am and he would go to bed until around 3. If I ever needed to sleep during the day he would happily have baby and I'd sleep for however long I wanted. She's now almost 1 and we still share nights/early wake ups. If he is on an early start though I will get up, as I'm not back at work yet.

You both need to let go of the power battle...it's not one or the other, you can both be tired, both have very very important jobs (one of them being child rearing and home keeping).... But a child has 2 parents, and by your husband coming home and just spending time with the baby allowing you to have a shower or a lay down should not be a battle. The mental load is heavier than the physical one and a lack of sleep is so detrimental to our mental state.
Honest conversations need to be had, and its awful of him to say you have every thing you want and yet still complaining, that is so horrible and awful to say to somebody you are meant respect and love....
Best of luck with navigating the conversation! Xxx

Hold on,a baby is a full time job in itself! You’re expected to be a cleaner,chef,general organiser AND a 24/7 caregiver? Home boy needs to swap roles for a day and see how much he’s actually expecting of you!

my partner got up in the night with me, fed the baby, changed the baby etc whenever i needed help. caring for your newborn is an equal responsibility between both parents in my opinion

For me this isn’t ok. Our set up is slightly different in that we have equal paying jobs (both high responsibility) and I was on 6 months full pay mat leave. So there wasn’t any sense of him supporting me financially. But what was the same was that I was at home, and he was at work, during my mat leave. My partner cooked dinner then took the baby for 9.30-12/1 every evening in the early days so I could get a few hours sleep. Work is EASY compared to having a baby to look after in no sleep. I work with a lot of men who do long hours/stressful jobs and they still contribute. (One of them had twins and he looked like he got no sleep for the first year, which I think was about true).

Mine use to be like this and one day i had enough i passed him baby went for a shower and went out for an hour, when i got home I made the baby a bottle passed him the bottle and told him yo get the baby ready for bed. Since then he has done so much more and realised in a couple of hours that is not easy and he did apologise

My husband is a fully engaged partner whenever he isn’t working. He gets baby up for the day and started with breakfast before work so that I can stay in bed a little longer. He’s helping cook dinner and he has always done bath at bedtime. That’s their time every night together. He’s up with every night waking. He tries to settle the baby first and if he cannot, I nurse him back to sleep.
He sometimes can work from home and those days are extra special as he’ll bring our little one up into his office to say hi to his team so I can have a cup of hot coffee by myself.
Just because you work doesn’t mean you can pick and choose when you’re a parent. You’re always a parent, you just work 8 (or however many hours) a day. You are replaceable at work, you shouldn’t be replaceable at home too.

I type this as my husband, who cooked dinner and helped feed our son, and he is now doing the dishes with our little one beside him in the high chair. So I can have a minute to myself.

Im gonna be the odd one out, but, no, my husband does not really help… a lot. But I don’t mind it. I don’t really need much help as a SAH FTM. But we and all our babies are different.

He’s a full time foreman and master mechanic, mentally and psychically draining. Financially supports us by himself. Also works from 6am to 5pm.
On weekdays, I do not ask for help more than, every other day he watches baby for 20 minutes so I can shower. Now he does still make, or get us dinner every night. So I count that as help because I get a good meal nightly.
Weekends, he works every other Saturday.
The sat he works, I don’t ask for help. On other sat and all Sundays first thing in the morning, he will take baby downstairs for 2 hours and watch him so I can sleep in a little.

Idk why, maybe I’m just massively controlling, independent or something. I don’t really find myself needing help. Or I’m incapable of asking for it.
Sure it’d be nice, but it’s not something I’m overly upset about🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes, my working husband still takes care of our son because he’s the parent as well. Just like if I were working I’d still be a mom when I come home lol. A job is not an excuse to neglect your kids and I hate how society normalizes that only for men.

Yes he has a full time job 9-5 but if he isn't caring for the baby then you're job is 24hours.
Whilst we can appreciate and be respectful that he is working a stressful job- that doesn't diminish the labour you do.

If it was easy to look after baby then he should be able to do it whilst exhausted after work.

If its not easy to look after baby then he needs to recognise it is also a full time job.

Either way results in the need for fair labour sharing.

Not just that but spending time with baby, regardless of jobs, is how to build a relationship with them

My partner has a demanding job but he always helps when he’s at home. Whether it be cooking , washing, giving the kids a bath. He knows that it takes two to tango and that we BOTH wanted children.
We currently have a 4 year old and an 18 month old and I’m about to give birth to our third child… tbh I didn’t know if I wanted a third child but what definitely made my decision was how hands on my partner is and knowing I wouldn’t be doing this alone.

I’m so sorry you’re not feeling supported, I would really struggle with that

My husband took 3 weeks off after I gave birth, since I had a c section he took care of the baby the 1st 3 weeks mostly on his own due to me recovering ❤️‍🩹
When he returned to work he still helps as soon as he gets home and showers he takes over to let me shower and have some time for myself he does the last feed for the night and puts her to sleep, I get up at night to feed baby but he brings me the bottle for night feeds or holds the bottle to dream feed so I can change babies diaper so she doesn’t wake.
He works sun-wed so wed-Friday night he gives me a break by doing the night feeds we swap roles for those days I assist with night feeds just like he does the nights he has work.

Everyone is different and what works for us may not work for others but I think before having kids this is an important topic more couples should have, I honestly thought before having my daughter that I’d be this super wife and mother that would be able to carry the load on my own while being on maternity

Leave so my spouse can sleep but now I realize I had no clue how much help I was going to actually need to care for this baby.

I hope the talk with your husband goes well and you get the support you deserve bringing life into this world is way more complicated and time consuming and mentally demanding that anyone could ever prepare for.
Sending you awesome vibes and hugs and prayers!

If you need someone to talk to message me 🥰

‘Helping out with the baby’ is an awful term to use. It’s just called being a parent. So he’s not being a parent. Whether they have a busy job or not, or you’re a sahm mum or not, they should still be being a parent. That involves feeding, changing, playing, settling. As a baby that’s how you bond with them.
Absolutely sick of these misogynistic men that think their job is purely to provide money. That’s not being a man. And they shouldn’t be having kids when they clearly don’t want to be a father

If baby is your "job" then you should be able to clock out, just like he does. He is a parent too and he should be parenting!

I mean if he works in finance and moves millions whilst I understand it is stressful given the market conditions but that's no excuse to not look after the family. I work in finance on a similar job hence saying whilst it's stressful it doesn't mean I can't do anything else after work. If there is a social event or client dinner I am sure he would be attending with no excuse - career progression. Also if he is moving millions he would also be seeing that in his remuneration. So if he isn't able to help out maybe look for an alternative where you can get some house help or nanny to look after the kid for a few hours a day so you can rest and and look after yourself as well. Definitely no excuse for him not to help and be involved in raising his own child irrespective of his work profile

I am a stay at home mum to a 1 & 3 year old, it’s tough going. My husband works 12-15 hour days and leaves home at 3:30am each morning. He comes home and plays with the kids, whilst I cook dinner, we then bath & put the boys to bed together and then we split the rest of the chores, he normally does the washing up, bins and cleans out our rabbits and will make his lunch for the next day (and will make mine aswell so he knows I have something to eat) I always have my evening shower and he makes me a cuppa for when I’m done. He is knackered but just because I’m home with the boys doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his own responsibilities with them and our home.
This works for us, I am very lucky.

You deserve some support aswell lovely, your doing amazing 🥰