Advice: Sibling behaviors in the other home

My stepkid often mentions the other kids at her moms house having some rather concerning behavior. Not just the typical being mean and saying mean things to her. She says there is a lot of yelling over there. That everyone yells at everyone essentially. There seems to be a lot of aggression as well. The kids often breaking stuff, slamming doors, fighting, saying awful things, alienating my partner and I ( making rude jokes, encouraging her to be rude to us, saying nasty things about us), ect.

One of the more concerning issues that she keeps mentioning is her step brother’s behavioral issues when it comes to gaming. Things like hitting himself in the head, throwing the controllers, punching the tv, and even breaking the console when upset at the game. She told us when she got back from her mom’s that her stepbrother was in trouble because he punched the switch until it broke, so they had to get him a new one. We had to make sure she knew that it wasn’t okay, and that if she were to do that we wouldn’t just get her a new one.

We’ve never had her break any devices here but she has gotten in trouble for punching and breaking her tv at her moms. Around the time she started saying these things about her stepbrother she also started hitting herself in the head when frustrated, her mom claims she’s never done that there though.

We’ve finally got her to stop hitting herself out of frustration and have explained to her that it’s not a healthy way to deal with emotions and that if she were to break something in that manner that she wouldn’t deserve a replacement. This has been an on going and reoccurring conversation/ topic since December. I worry it’s not really syncing in or being addressed properly but idk what we can do since we can’t change what’s going on in the other house.

How would you go about this situation? Speaking with her mom about it is pointless but these behaviors are clearly impacting sk in a negative manner, I also fear these behaviors will be taught to my child. I don’t want to make her think poorly of her siblings over there but I want her to know the behaviors aren’t okay.

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How old is step daughter?
How often do you have her?

Another example of how hard it is to be a step parent. I completely relate to this. I worry all the time about how my step kids were raised in a different way then I plan to raise my daughter and how no matter how much I try to do things my way the way they were raised will seep into how my daughter is raised and how she turns out to be as a person. Which seems so unfair and annoying. Bio moms parenting will affect how my kid turns out which is crazy but true. It sucks.

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SK is 5, we have her every other week. This is exactly how I feel in regard to the behaviors and my kid, I feel guilty at times.

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