Stepkid gets in trouble for calling me Mommy

Have your partner talk to child too and biomom and both of them together. Get child into therapy and tell her she’s not responsible for mom’s feelings and that her mom is her mom and always will be but you can be mom too only if she wants which she clearly does. I’m so sorry. This shouldn’t be something the child has to be stressed over. I went through something the exact same. And if you guys aren’t in court then I would watch out for that and maybe work on getting something more formal like an order for everything. Because in the future, it’s only gonna get worse. If Mom is already this upset about something like this then can you really imagine what it’s gonna be like for her and for you guys when other things happen as she gets older?? It’s gonna be bad. And you guys need to have things in place to prevent it. Take my advice because I’ve been through this and I’m here now. I wish we had done things a little bit differently and I had had this advice for myself before lol

I’m so sorry you’re seeing your SD hurt, it’s the worst feeling.

We had a similar situation where bio mom went as far as to tell my two boys that since I didn’t carry them in my tummy like I did their sister they weren’t my kids. And they had some pretty big feels and melt downs.

We ended up getting the boys into play therapy to address their feelings and have their behavior documented by a third party. The play therapist offered to talk to the bio mom about what was appropriate conversations to support healthy family dynamics and emotional development. It may be a good outlet for your daughter if she’s saying she doesn’t want to talk and have a third party act as a moderator. Good luck mama, the fact that you are worried about how she is feeling and she wants to call you mom says everything 💙

We have an existing court order but we’re saving to try for full custody for many reasons. We’ve been trying for a year now to get sk into therapy because she’s showing a lot of signs that she needs it however her mom keeps roadblocking us. Luckily though a lot is documented through the school, through her teachers and a behavior specialist she sees there. I do explain to her that she is only responsible for her own feelings and actions. That I’m responsible for my feelings, her dad is responsible for his, and her mom is responsible for hers, ect. When this happened I told her that even though her mom’s feelings were hurt she shouldn’t have done that to her. Her mom actually said very similar things about her being in her tummy not mine, I had to hear about it for months after I had a baby. We’ve had all the talks about having enough love for everyone, how her mom will always be her mom, I will always love her like my daughter even if she chooses not to call me mommy, ect

I’m not really sure what the courts could or would be willing to do about this behavior, if you have some insight id appreciate it. We’ve run into all kinds of issues with what I’m assuming is BM feeling insecure in regard to my relationship with sk. In the past she’s freaked out over me buying her clothes and even just the idea of me saying I love you to stepkid, saying they cross boundaries and are making her ( BM) extremely uncomfortable. She threatened to withhold sk and even started calling his family over just that 🤦‍♀️ Sadly they got their custody order before I was with him and it’s very very bare minimum

I’m not sure what your state laws are like or what your custody order said, but we had actually talked to our therapist about being hesitant about telling bio mom about starting. According to her If we had 50/50 and took the boys on our time (though they live with us full time) we just had to give bio mom access to the medical records. It might be something to look into….

It sounds like we are dealing with very similar situations and my heart goes out to you. Feel free to reach out if you ever want to vent or chat!

We’ve been having a hard time just getting the insurance from her. She’s constantly giving us the run around and changing her doctors. We’ve consistently been asking every week for 2 months now although we’ve requested much much longer. She always has some excuse. The card is lost, it’s not come in the mail, and lately she’s been saying she can’t give us that information because it’s tied to her and her families personal medical information 🤦‍♀️ He’s gonna try to get it from the new doctor and if that doesn’t work we finally know which company it’s through so he’s gonna call them if he must.

Ugh I’m so sorry. Document document document…

Ours changed one of the boys insurance to her without telling us. What is it with these HCBM🙄hopefully you can get it figured out soon.

This is the bio moms own issues bleeding into the child’s life. You can’t control bio mom but it’s clear she’s putting her own feelings first and not the child’s best interest. Children want love, support and knowing ur there for them. Bio mom is making the situation worse/difficult for her daughter. Control what you can on ur end, making sure ur daughter feels safe and comfortable in ur home. She shouldn’t feel bad for feeling safe or love towards you. And her bio mom should not be shaming her for feeling safe or loved either. Reassuring ur daughter that you are there for her and what’s she’s comfortable with sharing or saying is okay in ur home. In my opinion I think you and ur significant other should limit contact with the bio mom, do not cater to her and her wants because clearly they come before her daughter. Only keep contact for pick ups drop off but aside from that there should be no back in forth in regards to her pride or ego

If the school is concerned and they haven’t talked to CPS, I wonder what’s going on with that. I would document the school and any other officials that work with the child saying that they have concerns and take that to court and ask them to make an order for therapy.

cps was previously involved and the school has mentioned her saying concerning issues so I’m honestly surprised they haven’t called again. The cps case is the only reason she agreed to therapy but she’s been making it impossible to send her. She’s literally been two maybe three times despite it being a year span.

I think about this a lot and so bad wish I could tell her she’s hurting the very thing she wants. The more she reacts this way the more she ruins any chance at her having an honest and close relationship with her daughter. We don’t really have contact with her mom outside of the necessities as we’ve learned it’s pointless although she definitely still tries. A Hey we’re here for pickup/ drop off, hey we need this for sk/ sk needs this, and occasionally a hey don’t forget sk has this going on.