Newly single mum advice

Hi I’m newly single and terrified of what’s coming.
I have a 1yr old and 3yr old and they are currently with me most days (sahm) and every night.
Ex-partner is still in our home in the spare room.

I can’t bare the thought of my babies being away from me for even one night but I know that reality is coming.

How did you all cope with the separation?
How can I prepare myself and the children for the seperate homes?

I’m also petrified that my ex-partner will want to have them more than 1/2nights a week, he has mentioned 50:50 custody.. Is this likely?

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Nope not likely they see this as a scare tactic and desire for control - true minute they get a taste of freedom and lack of responsibility due to not having to be there to help day in and day out, it changes.

I’ve been a single mum for a while and it’s not easy, I would always tell people to try as much as they can unless there was cheating or abuse because it is HARD I can’t lie and I have one child - but keep in mind I said it’s hard but its more than possible. Mums are super hero’s and you will be shocked with how much you end up being capable of doing.

Im Christian and I believe in God and I told God listen your going to have to help me raise my son because I need you and need help and I can’t lie anytime I’m going through separation anxiety or financial probs etc etc I pray and honestly God always pulls through!

Also express to your ex partner not in a moment of anger or defensiveness but from a very vulnerable place that if he can support you with the separation anxiety and to work around this transition for example instead of him taking them for the weekend he stays at yours that weekend.

But it can’t come from an argumentative place or when his mad because his ego and pride will want to rebel and say no even though his heart knows it’s the right thing to do

Thankyou for your messages 🫶🏻
Hadn’t thought about just telling him about the separation anxiety, the children want the same too they want to be with me all the time

You have to learn to be very smart co parenting moving forward - you have to unfortunately be very tactful sometimes fake sweet or cordial or just not even respond to petty comments or behaviour moving forward - Unless you end up in a situation where you are not with the person but still dealing with the drama -

Happy for you to give more insight to your dynamic or reasons for separation if you want more opinions or advice x

Hi, i became single mum when my LGs were 4 and nearly 1. It's been 2 years now. And even now I have days when I miss them like crazy when they having sleepovers at dad's, as we call it 😁 some days im happy to have time for myself and breathe and enjoy peace and quiet 🤣
My girls see their dad every other week few hours after school/nursery and every other weekend sleepover Friday till Monday. We all work so that schedule works for us very good with minimum disruption for kids and they are able to see both of us as much as possible.
As I said it works for us and we have good relations for kids to be happy. It's the most important to make sure kids are happy, not forced to anything in any direction. They need both parents regardless of grown-ups relations.
When it came to first sleepovers we talked about it with ex and he kept me updated with how they feeling, if they went to bed ok. We agreed to have a video calls with kids when kids want it not because we felt it. We mostly followed our kids feelings.

in our community

I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

Is this clever or cruel?

My husband and i were talking and with social media and the internet in general being a terrifying dumpster fire, we are trying to figure out the best way to keep our son safe while still teaching him how to safely be online and moderation.

We landed on the idea of giving him the 90's kid treatment. A computer in the living room for us to keep an eye on what hes doing online, and once we feel hes mature enough to hang with friends without adult supervision he gets a flip phone. When we feel he is responsible enough and he earns and saves up the money for the physical phone, case, and screen cover, then we will be happy to take him to get a smart phone.

I thought this was air tight, but now my brother says its cruel to give a kid a flip phone, and besides he can just use his friends phones at school.

My husband and i remember a time before the internet, and we remember having complete access to something no one understood yet. We saw unspeakable things and are always battling with the urge to put the phone and social media down. I dont want that for my son, especially with his brain so vulnerable still.

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?