Would you let your in laws babysit??

Bonds can be formed without being alone with the baby? I don’t get why people think it can’t happen if mum/dad is around?
If you’re not comfortable then you’re not comfortable - as a mum I always say trust your gut. A lot of those accidents you listed are easily preventable.
I do think as first time parents everyone is a little more overprotective and I’m not saying that your choices/the things you do are over the top!
At the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you and your family - if you don’t think they’ll follow your instructions or your baby would be at risk then don’t leave her, they can wait until she’s older.

Sounds like it’s not a good fit until your daughter is older. And that is completely fine

Maybe it’s better to wait till she’s older so that she is more independent and can also tell you what’s going on

I’m in an extremely similar situation.
I’ve had my MIL asking what car seat she needs to buy etc so she can take my son out to the beach etc before he was even born. The stress and anxiety it gave me was not needed.
They’re definitely not medically or mentally well enough to look after our son. We can’t even get them to not kiss him at the moment let alone follow any other instructions we would give to look after him 🤦🏻‍♀️

My anxiety could never

I'm a big advocate on bonding with a baby before the age of 1. It truly is a monumental time.

As uncomfortable as I am about my MIL & same story, more relaxed parenting ways.. we have always allowed her to have our daughter biweekly or 1xmonth as long as she wanted during the day (no sleepover) to form those bonds since 6mo old.

My SIL has 4 kids. Her first 2 she will tell anyone she made the mistake of keeping them to herself. By the time the kids were 2 and 3 she tried a sleepover with them at their dads parents house. The dads parents called by 9pm that both kids were screaming crying bc they didn't bond prior. At all.

My SIL was a helicopter with the first 2 bc they were back to back & worried no one could handle them. Now with her 2 & 3 year old she's done it since they were babies. We've had the babies over for a sleepover, my MIL, their aunt. My SIL was miserable bc she didn't build those bonds. By the time she was ready for a weekend break, it couldn't happen. The older kids weren't used to that

Similar to bonding or not bonding with a child under 1. My brother didn't want his son to sleepover anywhere unless it was ME bc I'm a teacher & know best (chuffed but also not smart lol) so by the time his son recently in April turned 2 & he was comfortable with our dad to take him for a sleepover (I've let my dad have our oldest for a sleepover 1 night a month since she was 6 months old) but by the time my brother was ready to do that.. my dad shared privately with him it gave him anxiety bc he doesn't really know my brothers son 😔 & vice versa my nephew was anxious/ off with my dad as well bc they didn't bond properly prior.

You can say whatever you want about "idk why they need to be alone" because they were once our parents.

Period.

So yes they need to bond with their grandkids & spend genuine time with their grandkids without us helicoptering around them. My dad to this day still has my daughters schedule on his fridge when she was 6 mo old 🥺❤️ I saw it the other day.

Trust your instincts. You know what’s best for your baby! & you are doing a great job being a conscious mama. If they don’t agree/respect your boundaries, then they aren’t ready to watch your baby alone. You have to feel comfortable.

just because they were once our parents doesn’t make them capable or need to have kids overnight but that’s just coming from my situation - however I do get what you’re saying. My 3 & 2yo were socially isolated (not just from family but friends/daycare as well). It was hard at the beginning trying to introduce new people to them and get them into daycare. But they go 3x a week, they see my sisters in laws regularly and have had sleepovers with them (and my sister): they’re absolutely thriving. I think there’s a fine line between helicoptering and wanting a child to be in safe hands. Would I trust my own parents, even if I gave them instructions? No would be the biggest understatement which is partially why they don’t even know my kids exist. Would I trust my sisters parent in laws? 10000% and I have never had to leave any type of instruction.

Oh no trust If there is valid reasons beyond just wanting to hold onto your kid as long as you can VS if the grandparent is toxic or incapable- I totally get that. My side was both cases of our older siblings self sabotaging themselves😢❤️ but it showed me both times over I'm glad I listened to my SIL mistakes. I feel bad for her bc today the kids are 9&10 very soon but still not nearly as close to their dads parents as the aunts babies are. So we often try to have them at our house / take them on vacation with us etc. So they know how much we love them. & she's not saying that grandparents don't love them.. but it's a clear difference bc she held onto the oldest too long if that makes any sense.

that makes perfect sense! You sound like a great aunty ❤️ i do wish things were different for my older two in their early years but glad they’re getting out more and enjoying it now